Karinschickens

Too busy

2010-09-27T07:08:00.000-07:00

We seem to be accomplishing nothing as we have too much to do. Charley is home working on the barn and then there are tomatoes to pick up soon so there will be sauce to do as well. The kids have Latin this afternoon and the evening is full of shopping for clothes for Matthew (he doesn't have any pants which fit him) and some biking equipment for various people. I would like to squeeze in some school work but this is very slow going. Sigh. I don't really use this blog but thought I should for a little bit. Har har............

We got a package from Charley's mom today which the kids had way to much fun with. They of course all wanted something and ultimately got something out of the package. Evan got a baby mobile which will be pretty awesome. We wore out the last one.

Anna was home over the weekend and we had a grand time. I never appreciate my family enough until one returns and I witness how awesome they all are together. Sigh. She went back to IU homesick. Rats. It is sort of nice to missed though. I certainly miss her.

Will attempt to take one day at a time this week and see what we can get done and try to be satisfied with that.

Haven't blogged in awhile

2010-08-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

I figure I better write something to make the Cecilia's bday post go away. It has been attracting visitors who seem perhaps odd. Since February we have added another little guy to our family. Evan Jakob Sebastian was born July 16 and is currently charming us and growing. Everyone else in the family has been enjoying him. Besides his arrival, I have played in the ND band, biked several hundred miles in the winter (love that actually), took a trip with the kids, enjoyed Anna being home, and a bunch of other stuff. Exciting times with me!

We are now preparing for Anna to return to school and I am attempting to get my ducks in a row here for school. It will be the year of English as the emphasis - spelling, vocab, grammar, writing. Hopefully we can get bunches done. Erik is hoping to take a class at a local college as well.

There..........I have a new post. Ingrid's bday is coming up next week! 2 years old!

Cecilia's Bday

2010-02-05T04:15:00.000-08:00

Cecilia had a very nice day yesterday. I was happy for her as many a birthday has come and gone where she has been sick with something or other and didn't even care it was her birthday. This year, we went to lunch and went shopping for one of the things she asked for, a new folder for her Writing Road to Reading homework to go in. She wanted to go to Texas Roadhouse but they do not serve lunch during the week. THAT was a disappointment but Logan's is right down the road and they serve yummy rolls too which was what she was mainly concerned about anyway. Peanuts there too. She ordered a hamburger and fries from the kiddie menu and surprisingly ate everything. She even had one of those little desert buckets.

My parents came over in the afternoon and she enjoyed that of course. They got her a scrap book to put all the pictures in that they have given her in cards over the years and Cecilia got right to work putting them in. We are going to pick out some pictures from the computer to get printed so she can add to it. I took her little notebook she received and wrote people's address in it for her to be able to send cards to. I think I will pick her up some stamps too so she can take care of the whole process without waiting for her lame mother to remember to get the stuff for her.

She had a nice evening too visiting with some friends and having some more cake and ice cream with them. I think she had a good day and today she is having a few more friends over in the afternoon. It is going to be busy around here today. The boys are going to a birthday celebration this afternoon and evening too so Cecilia will have the whole place to herself.....almost.

I better go get ready myself as we need an early start this morning.

For the Record

2010-01-27T18:01:00.000-08:00

Yes. I did go with Matthew to an information night for a local High School. I heard and considered everything they said and as I think I said before what they offer is exactly what I am already doing. It is expensive. It is more money then I can justify putting forth to do exactly what I am already doing. The extra things would be fun for Matthew, including making some new friends, but there is also an expense to that which would be fragmenting our family. If you the reader can not understand that, the phone is open for inquiries or you can trust me on this.

Going to that night helped me to evaluate what needs to change or be improved upon here in our school. We DO have a school here and we are not just pretending. I co-op with my dear friend LaRena, who has the same challenges; small children, only so much of her to go around and then there is the motivation to keep after the schooling without being distracted by the laundry. So we work together. She teaches Latin to both the younger and older groups, spelling and science to the younger kids. She does a thorough and great job with them and I am grateful for that as I would never get to the Latin without her help or Science with the younger set for that matter. I teach Literary Analysis, Chemistry, writing and history to both the older and younger kids. I read the literature which the kids are reading so that we can discuss it together and they write papers accordingly. I would like to step up the pace for the younger group as the time is now so they are ready for their upper level work. All the kids are quite busy keeping up with their work and they work very hard in accomplishing their task. For those struggling with getting to their homework, we work with them to help them along and strive to do better.

We meet for co-op two days a week and the other three are for homework and the classes they have with me at home. Those classes are Math, Grammar, Swedish, and piano. The kids are BUSY! This is what we do every week. The challenge is keeping up but keep up we do to the best of our ability and considering how well Anna is doing at Indiana University in very challenging course work, I don't think I am doing too badly for my kids. Her grades first semester were great. She must not have done to shabbily by my assistance in her high school work.

Financial Aid............this school offers it but I seriously doubt they would offer any to us. Our house is paid off, we have investments, and we have only one other student in school paying any tuition. Ummmm......doubt that would bode well with the school no matter how many kids we have. We will NOT go into debt to pay for something we already do here. I doubt they take into consideration the work it requires me to keep after them all.

Discovery: My Saturdays are needed to plan and take care of errands etc to keep me away from errand land during the week. The more I can be home and chase after the house responsibilities and the planning the better. I also can use that time to try to keep up with the reading for my classes. I don't think I am doing too badly in that department considering everything else.

So.............with the mention of looking into a High School for Matthew. Sure. The school is a great school and in a dream world they might attend but the cons far outweigh the pros and it is Charley and my decision as to whether we go that route anyway. No one should get too excited about how 'ah, they have finally seen the light.' I don't continue to homeschool out of pride but more out of how it works and frankly I enjoy working with the kids especially on their history and literature. I'm working on the other kinks and together, meaning Charley and I, we will figure this out.

There.............that's the update................forging ahead now and............if you don't understand what I am talking about I don't think there is any amount of my blogging which will help it make sense. A few books which might help for you the reader to better understand would be "The Well Trained Mind" and "Wisdom and Eloquence". I cannot remember the authors off hand but I believe the first book's author is Bauer and this book is available at most libraries. Read it! It will help you understand what this mom is doing.

What we're doing right

2010-01-21T19:37:00.001-08:00

Matthew and I visited a local school which I have always had a curiosity about since I had the principal's kids in my own class back in 1987. The good and bad news is that I am already doing most of what they are doing there in my own homeschooling situation. Most of their ideas are also ideas I use. Of course some of what I do at home is possible because I join forces with another mom to get some of these things done. The bad news is that I do not have enough time to give to each child in the line of feed back. I am working on that. The things I fail in are extra things like drama, art, and music theory. But............I personally kind of feel like I am not doing to shabby of a job despite the pressures on my time and the competing for my attention as I am only one person............I think that is obvious and I might have mentioned that before.

So................I'm not sure where that visit will lead but I'm thinking it still will not lead to Matthew attending as there are definitely financial restraints and most of dear Matthew's problem is actually completing his homework to a deadline. Sigh. Deadlines are his biggest struggle and I suppose they are mine too as it is hard to enforce them with kids who are talented at avoiding such things. If I could somehow straighten that portion of my homeschooling life out for more accountability then............I would.............uh............be happier with how things are going here.

Anna did well and is doing well despite my neglect so there is some encouragement there. Deadlines were not exactly her thing either. Hmmmm.........but......she is succeeding in college and is adjusting fairly well so that should encourage me not freak me out. Sorry........Matthew is a boy and I am a little more freaked out about properly preparing him for whatever he decides to pursue. Since accountability is his greatest weakness, going to a school would probably have some effect on him or............he could decide to figure out his schedule and do better. We can't afford this place anyway. He would most likely love it but I would miss being able to be a part of this portion of his life. In other words the mom is leaning towards doubting it will work but for kicks and giggles he could apply.

Theologically speaking I would definitely have to pick more than a few people's brains on the wisdom of sending him there as I had a few red flags but am not sure what is unreasonable to expect from a 14 year old to be able to handle. I personally think 14 is too young to handle those types of discussions but I could be wrong or......it could depend on the kid.

There is nothing for us to lose in applying so we may go ahead and do that. We shall see. It was interesting.

Seasons of Life

2010-01-20T11:58:00.000-08:00

I personally love the whole understanding of vocation. I'm a mom and a wife......pretty obvious. I'm not just a mom and a wife. I am a teacher in a one room school house. I am almost primarily that. On the side I am a chef and a house cleaner/laundress. I'm a home manager. In my spare time I pay the bills, guidance counselor, gardener, food preserver, and a chauffeur. Oh yes, grocery shopper I am as well. I don't wear any special clothing which tells the world what I do (OK..........maternity clothes sometimes but they don't tell the whole tale).

If I were to give a presentation on homeschooling today probably my biggest emphasis would be that this task of homeschool is frankly a little nutty. I am sure the above list is not even complete. Homeschooling this age range is not for the faint of heart. And............there is one key player that will help keep the wife out of the looney bin. THE DAD. The dad here has been more helpful as of late and I guess it was thinking about a few brief comments to the children in support of the mom that sort of lit a light bulb in my head. Mom's doing this insanity called homeschooling, which has the potential huge benefit to said children, need support from THE DAD. They don't just need support, they need the kind of support which encourages the wife in do something alone and different than cooking after a day of riding herd on all the kiddos. I guess it would otherwise be known as stepping up to the parental plate. I have been amused by comments made even by the resident dad, that the dad might express surprise that the baby might cry or fuss or the the general noise gets on their nerves. HA! Really???? We moms of course roll our eyes a little at those comments. If it bothers the dad for a short time, is it possible the moms could use some quiet refreshment from time to time which may even include getting away for lunch with a friend, going to events that hold interest to them such as my new endeavor of playing in the band with no guilty statements attached???? Should the mom feel guilty about having interests of their own??? Should I feel bad about asking the dad to be around and help a little more? Frankly if there is not more dad help, this homeschooling for the long run with lots of ages is pretty much asking more than is humanly possible without falling into habits of irritability, depression, fatigue, crankiness at others, losing time to enjoy the kids during the evening and not fall into the roll of homework chaser. Or...........looking at the enjoying the kids aspect...............I would like to enjoy my kids and not just be their task master. That is probably why I do try to take individual kids to do various things alone as that is when I enjoy the most.

I commend those dads who are involved. The dads pretty much have to be. If they can't teach then they sure better know that their wives need help. I don't know if I can properly explain how 15 years of year and year out homeschooling, facing the challenges, trying to be conscientious and give the kids the quality of education that they should have is............intense. That word says it all. Intense. The moms who seem the sanest to me are the ones who the dad is involved. Involvement does not have to be teaching, but assuming that the mom is just OK is not OK. We put up a great front I think.

This may seem like whining to some. I don't think it really is . I think it's reflecting on the high expectations laid before a mom to homeschool their kids and expect them to just be strong for everyone and take care of everyone without remembering the mom is human, needs to rest too and be refreshed (some more than others as every one's tolerance differs), and for the rest of the world to perhaps think about that some as well. We can't read each others minds. I am not really speaking to pat myself on the back, but I personally feel combining homeschooling, having more than the 2.1 children, taking the kids through all the rest of normal parenting i.e. potty training, physical care - wiping noses, feeding, and then there is...............paying attention to the dad person/husband.............there is a whole different set of responsibility and role of vocation - LOL!

So there dads. If you are reading this and you homeschool, don't forget to help your wife, the mom of all those God given blessings. Help your wife enjoy them by taking off some of the heat. It is a season of life for the dads too. It is not just a season of life for the moms as I have heard some say resolutely about their roles as moms with a bunch of little kids, it is the dad's season of life too. Sacrifices of not having as much time to do what the dad wants to do might have to be made to help the situation as a whole. Perhaps this might tick some people off but I feel pretty strongly that this is VERY true. The dad here has been helping more in the parental role as of late which is what made me realize the importance of this whole subject to begin with. I APPRECIATE IT AND NEED IT!!!!

Season of life.............

Love my Literature program

2010-01-19T13:54:00.000-08:00

I have been having loads of fun (on the perky side of life) reading all different sorts of literature with the young people in our coop. It has sort of been a joint adventure in some ways but frankly I wish someone had done this with me in High School so I would have been better prepared to handle my college writing. James Stobaugh wrote "Skills for Literary Analysis" for Junior and Senior High School students. It is well written. He systematically goes through literary terms and helps the student use those terms in evaluating literature. They are not really simplistic questions and their papers are getting better and better. I wish I had more time to spend with them on it.

It would be great for a Lutheran perhaps to write a similar program but the differences in perspective have been helpful in discussions too and has prepared them for writing about topics that are not necessarily coming from a familiar source i.e. their pastors. I love how they pick up on the differences in outlook immediately and we sort of decide together which questions to can and which to tackle. It will be very interesting to me how they do in the long haul. They are supposed to be working on a research paper so will have to get them going on that soon and watch their reading load in all areas to see if they can even pull it off.

I believe next year is British Literature. It might be fun to do some of them together as a youth group or congregation and do that in addition to our craft day. Older people could chose to do the papers or.............not. My brain needs this myself. It's been fun. We shall see how much reading I can get done between now and then and whether some adults in the congregation would like tackle particular books if they are more familiar with them and can lead healthy discussions on them. Stay tuned.

Knew that would happen

2010-01-19T04:46:00.000-08:00

Any frustration I might express about longing for some sort of refreshment was not so surprisingly met with "Well, what do you expect with all those kids?" See~ I should not look forward to refreshment or long for it since I've "chosen" to have all these kids. Very interesting. Those who 'choose' to have one or two have earned their right to refreshment since they don't have so many kids. They must have been smart. I'm not at all saying what others should or shouldn't do but it sure is interesting to me that I should not have feelings in this regard because of of my number of children. Hmmmm.........that sort of feeling to me goes right along with people's feelings of what I owe them in the line of communication. It is the same as other people deciding for me what I should and should not be doing. I suppose I should NOT feel any amount of burn out or fatigue, I should just be constantly delighted and happy. Hmmm.............hope that works for other people and I doubt I am making much sense to some. It is not just a 'poor me'. It's reality that I can feel overwhelmed and tired and why am I not allowed to long for some time to just visit with a bunch of people I only hear from via the internet or to just sit and listen to some great talks that interest me. Really Karin, you should just be happier and more content. I will work on that folks. Sorry if I have shocked or offended any of you. Sigh. I WILL look forward to band next week and I do hope to have some weekends with no obligations coming up so I can address the chaos and perhaps find time to just read a book or visit with a friend quietly with no expectations from me. Some women are just much more perky than I am and better at just being home with all their little kiddos. I sometimes just enjoy quiet and a laugh or two to lighten the atmosphere.

Band

2010-01-18T18:47:00.001-08:00

OK, band was fun. I needed that. Perhaps that is my vacation for the week although it doesn't involve talking to very many people. There were at least eight horns and I am happily playing the third horn part. I love the fact that everyone knows how to play and it is easy to play with them. I don't feel like I am fighting against them which as happened in my life before. We are playing great brass music which will be loads of fun to put together. The first time through sounded pretty good to me.

So...........I'm a little less cranky. I think I need more dad support in accountability with these kiddos. It is way too easy for them to just get relaxed and take advantage of the mom. I wish I could figure out some system that would actually work and it would click with them that this is serious business.

So............now to squeeze in a little practice time so I am able to keep up the playing in the weeks to come.

Thanks Glenda

2010-01-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

I liked your post on "Most people vacation in places like Florida" theme. Yes. We rarely go on vacation mainly because we can't afford to stay anywhere or go out to eat anywhere. We went to Pennsylvania and stayed three nights. One night at a friends and two at a hotel and fortunately had friends to eat with there for most of the meals and the breakfast was actually provided with the room this time. Three days. Woo hoo! We did go camping in August in pretty primitive circumstances. Most people stay in hotels and eat out. Most people can find homes of friends to stay at. We are sort of overwhelming. Most people go out to eat a lot more than we do. Do I care? I guess not. I can see where that is nice though more than once in awhile.

We were contemplating visiting some friends in May if they will have us (we haven't brought it up to them yet) but then we have the animal factor to deal with. Who will take care of the little chicks which will still be in the young fragile state. Sigh. I want Charley to come with us if possible. Otherwise he would have to stay home and take care of the animules and I would go on my own. I SO do not want that but wanted to take a trip with Anna with to see various people and have some fun. When is this even possible.

I was looking forward to the Wisdom and Eloquence (or whatever they are calling it this year) conference at Redeemer in August but will have a new born and finding a place to stay will be a trick. Hopefully Charley can take the older kids and go and enjoy as I think the topic would be of special interest to him. I was also hoping to go to CCA in June. Perhaps we can trade places and both get to go to something we would like to go to.

Most people.............well perhaps that is just an illusion but sometimes it does feel that way. We can't change any of that for ourselves. It just is. Hopefully my kids will get the chance to meet other people as they get older and fly the coop. Facebook seems to help them in that regard but is not quite the same as getting together with people in person.

Shouldn't be so negative

2010-01-18T09:33:00.000-08:00

I think I can just be a negative poor me person. Other moms with all these kids seem content to be home and not pine away for fun. I am just not so good at that. Sorry. Everything seems like such a battle around here to make any progress. I am not a fan of women's retreats for several reasons so that is not something to look forward to and even the few times I have gone to any such thing, I have little kids to chase after and that prevents me from really enjoying the time anyway so..............I stay home. I was going to go for one day last fall to a Looper retreat but............the kids started throwing up. Fun times. Everything suffers when I try to go and do anything like this anyway so I really shouldn't want to. The house right now is so far behind thanks to Boy Scout retreats and me not having time to not feel great. I am sure I shouldn't have gone biking the other day but it was fun while it lasted. I am tired now. Hmmmm.............this is the same post. There is no answer. I do still think it would be nice if services were earlier so my little kids were not such maniacs and would actually learn to see this as part of their lives. Or.............morning prayer early????? 7:30 early.............. thinking out loud. Not up to me though. I should probably just plan on doing something fun this week so I have something to look forward to. I should probably go take a nap. Then if I could get a nap I might be able tackle the rest of the week. I should definitely not read facebook this week as I will see the fun times. Same post.

How to not feel overwhelmed........

2010-01-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

Mondays can be the pits around here. Everyone is very tired for some reason and I am trying meet a balance between the huge list of things that scream for my attention and my need to rest and get over this cough. I am not really sure what this cough is anymore as nothing seems to help but lots of sleep did seem to make a difference last night. My kids are dragging their feet on everything even though I give them lists of things that are their responsibility and then the little kids can just be unhappy.

My most negative thinking which I just need to get over and be content about is hearing about how people are going to events where they will be refreshed and hear wonderful talks and get to go out with friends etc. Adult interaction is just fun and I am sure it is refreshing to those who are able to go. I sit here and stew at times over how that just seems basically impossible for me. I can not even seem to get to evening services and a simple Bible study and there isn't even any of that going on this week. Hopefully I can just take advantage of resting. I should just be able to push ignore to what other people have the opportunity to do and be happy to chase laundry, dishes, stomachs, my cough, dirty floors, etc and not care what other people are getting to do. The ironic thing to me is that the moms who juggle all this need refreshment probably the most and it is very hard to get.

I suppose that is why I love to bike as I can get away from the noise and clutter and basic chaos even for a little while and regroup etc. I so need alone time and it is funny that I have eight plus one on the way kids. I know I am just basically rotten to the core in being jealous of other people's fun and refreshing times and should not even imagine that will be true for me someday. I hope to go to band practice tonight but the cough might prevent that from happening too. I do think it is better today though.

That is the end of my stinkin thinkin for the day. Sorry

Little girls

2010-01-11T08:46:00.002-08:00

My heart broke yesterday as my little Cecilia came inside announcing her rabbit died. I feel horrible for her. I know it is somewhat 'her' fault as she didn't go out as she should have but little kids do need some help remembering such things. She did love that rabbit but is easily distracted and I didn't help her at all yesterday to remember. It was especially cold outside and I saw Matthew go take care of his rabbits and I suppose put it all out of my mind. Sigh. I could have given her some speach about not being responsible etc but instead she just hugged me and cried and sadly stated she hated her life and wished she could have remembered and made it all right. I am not sure what to do about whether to get her a new rabbit or not. If we do we will have to wait till spring. I think we have to get water warmers. I do think the project is good for them but definitely has it's challenges. Anna, Matthew and Martin have all lost rabbits for the same reason. Erik comically has a rabbit that by normal standards, should not be still living. We think it is at least eight years old. He named it ........."Angel". I guess it lives up to its name. Anyway.......Cecilia's rabbit was supposed to be her 4H project. I suppose she learned something so far............sigh. I hate it when bad things happen to my kids but that is part of life.

Homeschooling

2010-01-08T08:42:00.000-08:00

Every time we get back on track with school, it is hard. I would like to think it is hard for those who are going to public institutions as well. I can feel like it is me against the world. It is easier of course the more time I have to devote to planning and helping each child get organized. I give instruction for how things are to be done and then they 'forget' or do not follow through in hopes that I don't really mean what I say. Of course everything that is difficult for people or most likely everything, is directly related to laziness. Same rant. They make me nutty because I do not have enough or do not make enough time to work with them in getting on board with 'the program'. Same with me. If I know I will feel better with exercise, I should exercise. But.......but........I don't like the stationary bike in the basement. Excuses, excuses.

I spend more and more time wondering how I will survive the rest of my homeschooling career. Sigh. We will make it somehow but I certainly can not criticize those who have thrown in the towel. It IS hard work and frankly sort of a pain. Kids do not come by a desire to learn extremely naturally and direction and teaching is required. I've been at this for at least 14 years and some days I don't feel like it. I can feel worn down and sick of it. I really have no option though as we can not afford private school or even the pain of leaving the house to drive them to school. Public school is NOT an option here. I would rather they play all day then do that. When we bought this house that was part of the price. Oh, that sounds so judgemental doesn't it? You can take it that way but this school system is pretty challenged to say the least.

Leaving to run errands is really not an option but unfortunately I have to this afternoon and tomorrow is another day. Yikes.........just realized I have one more grammar book to grade before we leave. Onward...............

New Year

2010-01-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

It is a New Year and we are slowly plodding along. Anna is home til Sunday afternoon and I am trying to enjoy the time that is left. We have had something going every day so hopefully tomorrow and Saturday we can get out and do some of the things which were on our goal list. We are going to lunch with her piano teacher from last year to chat about piano at IU. I'm sure we will have some good laughs over that.

If I have a resolution and I don't really care for that terminology but............I am trying to get the kids schedules made up for the the weeks to come so they know what is coming down the pike. Homeschooled kids are gifted and talented at avoiding their work so trying not to lose my mind keeping after them. My life is always easier with a plan. I'm sure that is true for everyone.

Read an article in our not so amazing newspaper that was just a little motivator for me to get my meals planned again. I spent, I am sure, more money than I had to over Christmas for lack of planning meals. Little trips to the grocery are money suckers for sure. Planning, planning.......stress relief...............

Exciting times here in the Horner house............

Got the cold

2009-12-31T14:04:00.000-08:00

I end the year with a cold that has decided to become laryngitis. Rats. It is most amusing to me that Anna keeps trying to point out to people that I can't talk but everyone seems to have more and more questions to ask me. I can't answer. Or at least I can't answer loud enough to be heard so they keep asking and looking at me expectantly. Hmmmmm.......

We have had a nice Christmas with quite a few guests etc. I would have loved to have a few more but it hasn't worked out. Our friends Marty and Marcy were over today and as she is the mother of an organist we had fun talking about the trials of being an organists mother. Har har. Such a burden. Marcy have that odd understanding of each other that just clicks. We don't see each other very often but it is always nice to get back together again. It was just nice. Charley had fun chatting with Marty about................wood.

I was hoping to have some other friends over tomorrow afternoon and evening but we shall see if they want to expose themselves to this cold. It will probably work as it seems to be the 'sleep it off' type of cold. Laryngitis is a pain though.

The kids have been playing games together and that sure beats the tv going. I get sort of tired of movies being the 'interaction' around here. They got quite a few fresh, unruined games this year and I hope they will keep them intact. I like playing games myself. I got myself one of my favorite games, Five Crowns. I love that game.

Sigh. Charley is taking the kids to church tonight. Well, at least the older kids. I can not believe how much church I have missed as I look forward to this time of year but our little kids just seem not able to handle night time services so we are tag teaming lately. I guess it does give me more one-on-one time with the younger kids so that can't be bad.

A New Year tomorrow. I don't tend to make any more resolutions except the yearly attempt to plan meals so I don't waste resources. Charley loves this sort of resolve. Otherwise, back to work with school and Charley to work. Happy New Year!

Not feeling like doing anything

2009-12-28T16:42:00.000-08:00

We are all in some sort of stupor. It is supposed to be a break for us afterall. It doesn't feel quite right though. I know I have worked extremely hard, endlessly this past fall leading up to Christmas and there are so many things I would like to do in the midst of all that busyness but there is not time. There is time now and I don't feel much like doing them. The time is passing quickly til I need to be responsible again in the school department. I'm slowly working on finishing cards, finishing wrapping the kids presents that we will hopefully get to Wednesday. I want to exercise but hate the stationary trainer. I should do it tomorrow and perhaps I would have more energy. I did not have indigestion until I stopped exercising. I'm tire of the indigestion so I should start again. Snow tires anyone? I think they cost too much. Sigh.

For a person who has not had many question to ask I am full of them now. I'll keep you in suspense as to whether I will post any of my findings. So much to wonder about and so little do I understand. Sigh.

I am hoping to clean out most of my room tonight and tomorrow. It has been the Christmas dumping ground for awhile and the chaos must go. I'm just writing more of the same here so that's all for now.

Confused

2009-12-28T05:24:00.000-08:00

I must say my brain is befuddled on many levels. True I am publically saying this and perhaps should keep my confusion to myself and perhaps will not even state what I am confused about but I do find it interesting that just when you think you have seen or thought about most aspects of life, things come up that leave you in a state of confusion. I hate it when I feel this way and then try to proceed with the day without letting confusion muddle me too much. It is not worth talking to too many people about my confusion but I am certain someday I will have to. Sigh. How does one keep confusion to themselves. I think guys are better at this skill and perhaps many women are. I think I stink at this.

On the practical side I need to get something done today and I definitely need to set up the bike trainer and get on it. My countenance would at least be slightly improved by getting some pent up energy out of my system. I'm sorting some of the dreaded socks and sock sorting is enough to increase anyone's confusion. Was there a sock like that in that pile? Then there is Mt. Laundry and perhaps I should wrap the presents to the kids which we haven't exchanged yet. Pretty lame eh? They exchanged gifts with each other so far but the onslaught of gifts from grandparents and other friends makes me hesitate adding. We will do it. Erik is at Camp Grandma so we will at least have to wait till Wednesday.

On other fronts I want to finish working on helping my dear husband with janitorial issues at church so we can keep up better with the filth that lots of church loving people can create with little effort. Twice a year deep cleaning does not cut the mustard in light of nose blowing, cheerio dropping, paper doodling, bulletin leavings, dinner crumb spread that a broom does not always pick up, etc. Phew......point given and taken. I watched Stefan yesterday wipe his nose and then wipe his hand on the pew............just one example of sharing the wealth.

Well............better go tackle some things..............and turn my confused brain off. Machine Karin. You are a machine. Don't forget it.

Post Christmas exhaustion

2009-12-27T11:50:00.005-08:00

After much preparing, eating and everything else that goes with being the mom of this bunch, I am SLOWLY moving today. Church was great this morning and it was of course nice to have our Pastor back on his feet. Everyone seemed to have a sense of calm or perhaps they too were exhausted. I was creeping around slowly between chatting with people. Since I fake being awake, I wonder how many other people do the same.

After feeding a friend's lonely cats and picking up some milk and filling the car tank.........I am home. There is the fallout from Grammy and Grandpa and Uncle Steve and Aunt Brenda still everywhere. The dishes are almost caught up on and I have not done much laundry in weeks. Hopefully the laundry does not give itself away. I keep trying to chill out on the couch but jump up to do this or that and my body is screaming at me not to eat any more out of the ordinary stuff and to try and kick up my heels and rest. The kids are outside sledding and snow boarding. I picked up a few snow boards at a garage sale last year for five bucks and I think it was a worthwhile investment as I would never have bought them new and the kids love them.

Since I am not listening to my body, I might seriously go hunt my husband down and tell him to put me in line. (Translated - don't expect anything too spectacular out of me today in the line of cooking and cleaning and heads up..............I need to make myself chill). To further explain.......we are expecting a new little Horner in July and I have a very hard time sitting down and behaving myself when my body tells me to. If you got bored with this post before this paragraph you will not have caught that..........

My tummy screams tea and also twinges of aches from the instantaneous big tummy look that comes with baby number nine. Had a few of those this morning while walking from one table to another in Bible class and had the cross eyed look of "Ouch, that hurt, hope I can get to a chair soon" I'm not sure why that happens but suppose it is the older mom thing. With all the colds going around, I thought it might be humorous to name the baby phlegm in honor of all the nose blowing. It sounds a little like Sven so we could say it is a Scandivanian version of..........uh..........John or something. LaRena suggested if there were twins to name them phlegm and phlam. Har har. Maybe I can sneak a nap.

Silly things I've learned this year

2009-12-26T14:02:00.000-08:00

I learned a lot of the same lessons this year as others such as weeds grow very fast if you don't pull them.
Mice will continue to find a way in anywhere and will be a constance annoyance and no one's home can stay mouse free forever............even the church......
Um..........taking on a little exercise and building up from there is better than blitz exercising. Sometimes you have to buy store bought bread to keep your sanity. It's ok and the bread making police will not put you in jail for doing so.
Trying to cut spending seems to be Murphy's Law that things will start breaking or your kids will put holes in all their socks.
There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.
Never become too attached to any item as it surely will break.
The latest thing I learned that there are still a few people left in the world who don't care if you finish their gift and give it to them later. They understand. Phew.
That's all I can think of right now...........oh yes, used Amazon books is my friend.........

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T08:52:00.001-08:00

It has been a good Christmas this year but not without things that have been new and different. The services have all been wonderful but minus our Pastor who succumbed to the stomach bug. Major bummer for him and his family. Assistant Pastor to the rescue. There a lot of people sick this year and I can say we all gave Christmas greetings sort of from the distance. It was good to see everyone and of course these bummers, as we were reminded of do not change the fact that Jesus was born.

My dad, my brother and his wife all are sick as well, so instead of them coming today, they are all at home convalescing and we hope to get together soon. Sigh. The kids are rolling with the punches and of the remaining well people at church, a few families may stop by to play games and eat later on. Paranoia runs rampant but as I always say, if we can avoid spreading the wealth then avoid spreading the wealth. Sigh. Praying all are well soon and those who are not sick, do not become so. By this time next year, we will have to be reminding each other of "remember when everyone was sick last year?". I think I will begin praying for a healthy Easter for my family, my church family and become more vigilant on teaching my kids sanitary habits.

Jesus is born. We rejoice in that and look forward to the services of all twelve days of Christmas and Epiphany to come. Things were just a little different this year...........

Need more keys

2009-12-20T10:15:00.002-08:00

There is NEVER a dull moment around this house. This morning Charley left early for church to take care of the sidewalks etc. at church. I was moving pretty slowly and wondered if the rest of us would even make it on time. Leaving my bed was definitely a challenge and facing the kids, breakfast, and whether we had clothes to wear was not something I even wanted to think about. So when we were left with just enough time to get there I went out to the van without my coat to load the little kids and Matthew came following behind me. I turned around after buckling them in and Matthew proudly announced he had locked the house up. What????? My coat, purse, keys, phone and diaper bag were in the house still. Oops. I was a little freaked out as it was cold, I had no way to call anyone to let them know we were stuck and the kids program was later in the morning to boot. I was visualizing getting very cold and having to walk with all the little kids to a neighbors which is not very close to us. Well, fortunately Matthew remembered there was an emergency van key under the van so he got down on the ground and got the key and we were able to drive to church. We kissed and made up and everything worked out fine. The greeters at the door asked if they should take up a collection to get me a coat - har, har. We need to make some copies of the house key to give to a few more people and perhaps plant one somewhere in the outbuildings. The children's program was great and the kids really enjoyed preparing it and putting it on for the congregation. It is so much nicer when the kids are enjoying what they are doing and really want to do a nice job which they did. Yay! Hopefully they can do that again sometime. It was a great experience.

Christmas cards

2009-12-19T19:31:00.000-08:00

Below is a facebook post by Mr. Scott Schreiber which I thought was rather good. I have to add that I am quite understanding to those who don't manage to get one in the mail to me every year. My favorite Christmas card from anyone ever was from my high school friend Jeanne who when I read her letter that year, which I did not notice was the year before's letter, and poured over how much she was longing have another baby and had a tear come to my eye at her longing. Then I took out her family picture of her husband and little guy marked from the year before and then noticed another picture behind it. I flipped it out and it was a picture of her little man holding his new little brother dated the current year. I screamed with delight. So anyway, if you get a card from the Horners know that it is not always without challenge and I send hugs to those who might miss a year or two......or three.......or five. I understand and am just happy to hear from you when I do.

A note from Scott Schreiber.

Confession: I listen to a "Christian" radio station in the mornings. Discussion: This morning they wanted to talk about the "year-in-review" letters that some folks include in their Christmas cards.

I was quite dismayed to hear some people call in and describe their distaste for these letters. They discribed them as bragging and immodest and making other people "feel bad" because the letter writer has always had such a perfect year.

Friends, when I see a Christmas card in my mail, the only thing I have is gratitude that the person thought of me and my family enough to send us greetings during this busy season. If they include a letter, even a "form letter" annual update, I am glad to receive it. When I read of the joys and accomplishments in their lives, I rejoice with them and thank God for His blessings on them.

I can not read their letter and take from it insult or offense, for these are not included in the letter. If I say the letter makes me feel bad, I have obviously taken out of it something that the writer had not included. Therefore I have sinned against my neighbor and the 8th commandment (You shall not bear false witness) because I have not put the (obvious and ) best construction on the letter and the reason for it....

I don't usually include a letter in my Christmas cards, but I still hope that none of my friends are as callous and self-centered to have this angry reaction to such greetings.

Mittens

2009-12-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

I can see why my mom likes making mittens. I've only made a few pairs but perhaps I will make more. Small children especially seem to love them. I'm not sure if I can find time to keep it up as much as my mother does right now, but perhaps I will find more time some time in the future. Mittens are just part of my childhood, my children's childhood and hopefully my children's children's future. Maybe I will even use up my yarn stash on them. Hats are equally fun.

I have one mitten down and one to go for Ingrid.

That last post was.........

2009-12-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

slightly incoherent. I must have been tired or something as that sentence structure was pretty frightening. Today.............um..........got up early and made coffee............check. Fed the little people their daily breakfast regimen. Then went to Morning Prayer at church. Love it. Morning Prayer always reminds of Daily Chapel at Valpo but we would kneel at the Lord's prayer so am not sure why we choose to or not to kneel. Hmmm............anyway............it was great to see all of my kids lined up in one of the near the front pews. They are ALL home. Yay! Ingrid was busy peeping over the top of the pew and making me nervous walking back and forth on the pew. She is VERY busy in church. So whoever watches her is busy too. Anna spared me the watching this morning and paced around with her. She didn't have to do that but it was nice.

After church we went home and ate lunch at 10:30am. We were hungry. I left to go hunt a ball of yarn to make Ingrid a pair of mittens to match her new coat. It took awhile to find the right yarn but finally decided and I have already made progress. After yarn hunting I went to go pick up Matthew's desk top computer. I had to get an Internet adapter which happily does the trick. He is happy. My kids are 'connected' after not being connected for basically their whole existence. Cecilia is having fun using my old laptop and likes to write people email. She likes to receive it too. You would have to email me to request her address though which is a very Cecilia like address.

Looking forward to Morning Prayer in the morning tomorrow. I love this time of year. I better go make the pizza now so I can get back to knitting.

Picking up Anna and more

2009-12-17T17:12:00.000-08:00

I left yesterday to pick up Anna. I didn't get there til 6:00pm as my biking addiction got the better of me and I didn't get out on the road till one and not on the road till 2:15. It was worth it. My route is about ten and three quarter miles. It was the coldest it has been so far at 25 degrees but it didn't even bug me.

Anna and I went to Panera for dinner and then took the car over to University Lutheran to park it. We had a brisk walk back to her dorm and then..........big excitement here...........I pretty much was wiped out and went to bed a little before nine! What a wimp. I slept till eight! I think I needed to catch up on some sleep or dorm rooms have a sleepy effect on me or something. Anna was up studying and whatever else.

In the morning she went to take her final which only took her a half an hour and then we went and got some coffee and a donut on our way to pick the car back up. Isn't this exciting stuff. OK........enough of our trip. We listened to Harry Potter on the way home and now we are back.

My new laptop arrived an hour after I left for Bloomington. Erik bought himself a new laptop and Matthew has a new desktop which he purchased and it will come in on Friday. We are VERY behind the times in this department and my kids have not been involved socially online with anyone. Well, at least the boys haven't. I hope they can use their new toys wisely and benefit from getting to know some other people more or feel included in all that.

Another exciting post in the life of the Horners..............

Books, the library and me

2009-12-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

As usual I am thinking about what books I would like to read and enjoyed reading Jane's goals for herself from her blog for 2010. I don't read enough but love it when I do. I need to really rip myself away from our new found ease of high speed and plant myself in a chair with a book more often between all the life responsibilities that scream for attention. "How Green was my Valley" was well worth the effort. I would like to read more of his stuff too in the future.

While thinking about all this I opened the newspaper to discover that the library is increasing its fines again. Oh brother. Amazon will love me all the more. I am not very good at getting books back in on time so this just encourages me to use the library less than I did before. Amazon has these wonder penny book deals with 3.99 shipping for most of the books I want. I really want to read Rutherford's 'New York' which came out recently but am not ready to stomach the 17.95 Amazon price just yet. I find if you wait a year or two it can be found CHEAP! I have plenty on my list to keep me busy in the meantime.

The biggest catch with the library is books on tape. I don't think I want to buy them but may start collecting some favorites. We shall see. I should work on selling some I am not interested in so much and sort of trade.

Once and Future King is my current read for school with the kids. I read that a long time ago so am rereading it now so I can better grade their papers etc. I want to read the Harry Potter books, a book about Charles Lindbergh that looked interesting, Byzantium, the third and fourth Twilight books (which I don't have either) and several other books that others have recommended that I have found very cheap on amazon. So..........perhaps I will become disciplined and read some more between now and July..........and then perhaps even more after July as I will stuck in a chair more often.

ttfn

Stupid computer

2009-12-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

I am trying to copy and paste something onto the old blog and it won't let me. Love this modern technology. I will have to print it out tomorrow and retype it. Maybe I will just post my post on reposting old posts. Did that make sense?

I am contemplating doing something fun next year for me..........we shall see. I won't even say what it is, I will just let you wonder. I have to chat with the family to see if it would be alright with them.

Hmmmm.........it was an intense day. It's over and time to go nighty, nighty. Not anything else too exciting to report today. My algebra skills are improving. That is exciting. I can at least fine the mistakes made in their problems if I can read their writing. If I can read their writing the problem is more likely to be right. Interesting concept.

Haven't biked in a few days but I think I may try tomorrow if I can find the time. Or perhaps I won't be able to find the time!!!! Argh. That's all for today..........

Muddling

2009-12-06T16:43:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been basically good. It is nice to have Charley's parents here. The kids get more attention. It is pretty mellow around here. I've been personally less than perky but am working on that. Tonight I think I might race the kids to bed. Yawn. I have thought on and off about quitting blogging. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

I'm counting the days till Anna is home. It will be fun to go and get her next week. I can't decide if I am taking Ingrid with or not. Maybe I will just for the mere entertainment of it. I can just see it now. Anna and I walking her around the dorm halls. Perhaps if she starts screaming we will walk to the outside of particular screaming people's doors just for kicks and giggles.

Sigh. Much of my day was obsessed with chasing after something. Three...........so far........yuck. Better three than none. Will report further numbers later........if I keep blogging.

That's all for now.

Might repost

2009-12-05T18:51:00.001-08:00

I am contemplating reposting my posts. I deleted them in concern that perhaps I hurt someone's feelings but frankly have reread them too many times and personally just see them as having said that I need to laugh more and church atmosphere doesn't always lend itself to that. I have been thinking a lot about church life. I think a hearty, let's not take ourselves too seriously, honest look into church atmosphere can never hurt anyone or any church. I was simply contemplating my own pleasant surprise of realizing I miss ridiculous, laugh at ourselves, comiscerating, non-important conversation. I grew up in Valpo which is another one of those hubs of intellectual, theologically heavy places (whether you agree with them or not - PHD's abounded), grew up a Pastor's kid, grew up pondering the church and what it looks like, grew up being seen as that 'pure pastor's kid' who you better behave around, grew up with a dad who also graduated from college, like me, at age 20, undergrad, seminary, Master's degree, PHD under his belt...........phew. Emmaus, like it or not, is full of intellect. Intellect is not a new experience for me. Neither is pious, wonderful worship having grown up listening to God, I mean Rev. Dr. Nagel amoung others, for years at the Chapel at VU. So how to meet the balance between intellect and down to earth, we're all in this together, encourage one another relations is sort of tricky. Having grown up with plenty of intellect floating through the hallways at home, the hallways of my peers, I know that intellect does not always look outside itself. I suppose I could also say to be fair, that intellect should be cautioned to not become self-absorbed. It happens. It should be guarded against. Intellect is valuable but so are people and their ordinary lives.

I personally need to take stock in the beauty of just oridnary life. I was reading Peter the other day where they were saying how they had all heard God say "This is My Son with whom I am well pleased." Their observation and report was striking to me in that it was part of their 'ordinary life' They heard it themselves, they relayed their life experience to others. It related to me and my ordinary life. It certainly was not an ordinary experience but it was their experience and they were sharing their experience with their fellow Christians. It was again, just striking to me. I need to have time to share MY experience with others. It doesn't HAVE to be at church of course but church is not just intellect and the desire to obtain more. My church IS my family in so many ways so why wouldn't I want to share my life experience with them???? The Christian life is experience, sharing it, laughing about it, crying about it (I do enough of that to have a PHD in that subject), and caring to hear other people's experience. I value that time and can not always cope well if that opportunity does not present itself. I love how so much of God's word is God's people's life experience. What I was talking about in my deleted blog posts was a need for that time. I need time to reflect on how God's word applies to my simple life through laughing, thinking out loud with, and enjoying the experience of others and my own experience.

So I contemplate serving my neighbor by taking an interest in them. I desire, as anyone does, to be served in the same way. This can be a challenge. I do not see this post as some bad reflection on my church or the pastors. My pastors are great in taking interest in their people. I personally am contemplating who I can reach out to, laugh with etc. Who might be hurting. Who would be served by some comic relief. I am a person who honestly cares deeply for others. I think others do too but perhaps we all need a kick in the pants sometimes to remember to do that. I just pray I can remember this more than a day or two and remember to take the time to just talk with other people. That is all. I meant what I said and I said what I meant. I need to laugh and enjoy people more.

Resisting impulse purchase

2009-11-26T17:44:00.000-08:00

Charley sort of shocked me by saying it would be fine with him if we upgraded the laptop with a new laptop. I must confess I almost jumped on that as it was tempting, sounded good, sounded fun but.........it's a lot of money. I think we will wait awhile. Best Buy does have some great deals on hp's that are a lot more computer than we have now. That made it all the more tempting but this laptop will do for now. It is tempermental and locks up from time to time (sometimes more frequently than other times) but it behaves pretty well. I can't mess with my pictures too much but as my brother Steve mentioned, there will be after Christmas sales as well and the prices only get a little better and give you a little more computer. Sigh. I sort of surprised myself from going from almost the checkout cart to just deciding not to do it at all. Weird.

Another reason I love to bike

2009-11-25T05:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was by most people's definition, dreary. I guess I would beg to differ. It didn't really rain too much until late and dreary is what you make of it and as the saying goes, it is in the eye of the beholder to determine what dreary is. I took my bike ride despite the 'dreary' forecast and I am glad I did it. There is a different sort of beautiful to a day like yesterday. It was completely quiet except for what animals were scurrying around. The leaves, even though they are not on the trees anymore, are truly beautiful carpeting the forest ground. I love it. Without the leaves in the forest you can see evidence of past generations buildings, the remains of stone fireplaces and foundations. This sort of thing reminds me of my dad and my quest to find the home places of some of our ancestors in Sweden. Those reminders of the past are even here in our young nation. It is pretty cool.

The other thing I enjoy is observing all the different sorts of homes there are. You can tell what has been added on. Some of the homes are so tiny you wonder who lives there but they look pretty cozy. Some of them are so new and huge you also wonder who lives there. Most of the homes in the country are well taken care of and you can see the care that has gone into them. South of town is rolling hills and it is just stunning to get to the next hill. When I bike towards dusk the sun going down puts a whole new spin on the ride. Of course it also makes me spin faster so I am not out when the sun IS down.

Yesterday I saw two different groups of deer and a red shouldered hawk. Coming upon these animals in the quiet is something that calms my soul and gives me cause to pause and marvel. Dreary days keep the complainers inside and affords me more wonder of God's creation. Not that I don't enjoy seeing people but sometimes I see so much of people that it is fine with me to be alone spinning down the country roads.

I hope to keep this biking thing up as long as possible barring snow and the temperature getting too low. I guess I can not complain for dreary skies as there is still much to wonder at. Getting outside is good for me at least to get over dwelling on the lack of sunshine and obviously there is much to see. Maybe it will stop raining sometime today so I can escape and soak some more 'dreary' in.

Trip to PA

2009-11-24T03:43:00.000-08:00

We had a very nice visit in PA. Too short as usual but nice just the same. Everyone there seemed to be doing well. We went to visit the Rodenbeck's on Friday night. Scott was in charge of some sort of 'night out for mom and dad', do fitness activities with kids at their church. You find out just how homeschooled your children are when you participate in such activities. Poor little Benjamin had not a clue what a relay race was (not that this is a requirement for life) so when the relay began he thought he should just go with everyone else. Taking turns running was not explained of course since everyone else there knew what a relay race was. So........instead of running down and around one cone he ran down and around all the cones. He is only six but my not very well behaved brain had a compulsion to shout "Run Forest, Run" as he cheerfully went about his business of not knowing what in the world was going on. No, I am not going to start having the kids run relay races so they can be more properly socialized. I have a distinct memory of our older kids having similar difficulties and they were younger but older than Benjamin is now, at a gunny sack race at some other Pennsylvania gathering. I also know for a fact that Anna was not asked if she knew how to run relay races when she applied to college so this will not be added to my long list of things to do. Or........evil giggle..........we could have everyone run relay races at Thanksgiving to be eligible to eat dinner. Hmmm.....

Our visit with Rodenbeck's themselves was very nice. We will have to see if we can stay a little longer next time so I can go to the nearby IKEA and Erik can go to the museum there. How will I remember that????

Saturday noon we were at Mary and Floyds in Somerset. They seem to be doing better than the last time we were there. The kids had fun feeding the old horse up on the hill. Even Stefan was not scared of it this year and kept dragging his siblings and dad out the door to go visit it. They fed the horse apples and that was their basic entertainment at the Reeses this year. Oh.........that and playing Old Maid where the Old Maid card was more worn than the rest so the kids knew which card NOT to pick as it was too obvious. Then.........I played the game with them and solved that little problem of critical thinking............how hard is it to hide the mark on the card behind other cards. The biggest lesson learned in that game was 'what does it mean to play fair and not cry if you get the Old Maid?' They were perplexed how I tricked them.

Saturday night we went to the Walkers home also better known as the place with the cows and the legos. The younger kids got to bottle feed new calves. I have not looked at the pictures yet but that was a lot of fun. The Walkers work harder than anyone I know, getting up at 3:30am to do the morning milking and working most of the day with maybe a nap until 8:30ish at night. I don't think I would be able to handle that. Horners work hard but not THAT hard. We enjoyed our visit with them as we always do and Cindy continued the Somerset tradition of trying to kill you by feeding you to death. We ate WAY more food than we usually do while in Somerset. The kids just kept stuffing it in endlessly. They don't eat that way at home so I guess they were enjoying the freedom to eat or something.

Sunday and Monday we were at Mary and Floyds again for more of the same. The kids also managed to go swimming and rot their brains out in the hotel room watching silly movies.

Walmart provided the opportunity for us to run into Charley's Uncle Ed and family. Richard, their son, is in his mid-forties now and he was helping him mom load groceries. I saw him first as we pulled in. His mom said Richard told her "That was Cha Cha." (Richard is mentally handicapped). So........we visited in the parking lot. I now have a new name for Charley thanks to Richard. Richard is so very cute. We also ran into Mary and Floyd's daughter-in-law Pam and her daughter Lisa and granddaughter Hayden when we stopped to get a few things on the way out of town. Charley (Cha Cha) finally called my cell phone as he thought I was just going to run in and get milk and wondered what happened to me. Uh.......yeah..........I visited with them for quite some time.

So ended our mini vacation. We left a little later than we had planned Monday afternoon and got home pretty late. I think Stefan developed a fascination with rest stop potties and suddenly needed to go to the potty a lot. Another child was not feeling so great (probably from over eating) and I thought we would never get home for all the stopping. Anyway........we are home. Yay! I love my house, I love my nest, in all the world my nest is best!

Walking by it

2009-11-16T05:53:00.000-08:00

There are few other things that can bring me down than areas of the house that have been neglected and so I continue to walk by them...........till the mood strikes and I tackle, conquer and divide. Yikes. We have this attic walk way that is 'finished' and used as an area for the baby crib, storage area and some kid's dresser. It is every kid's favorite dumping ground for old Kleenexes, random pieces of paper, dumping picture books that they have read, leaving the comics that have been snuck up there to be read until their mother figures out they are missing. Ingrid dumped a potted plant over months ago and it broke and went all over behind her crib.........emphasis on behind the crib..........out of sight..........out of mind. These types of places are overwhelming to me and easy to avoid as long as possible. Yuck. Today is the day. I have way too much energy to conquer these areas and will probably end up exhausting myself and fall in a heap in the evening from being on my feet all day chasing grossness. Why do I do this to myself?????? I might actually let someone go upstairs in my house after today until.........it happens again. If I appear bedraggled in the evening blame the attic.........today...........yesterday sleep deprivation............today clutter.............what will tomorrow bring????????????

Long but good day

2009-11-15T17:19:00.000-08:00

There's a bad pattern around here of the short people getting up earlier and earlier.....I need to go to bed earlier and earlier then.........my brain is also setting itself to wake up that early!!! Bad, bad, not good! You would think they would be worn out enough to make it to at least........6:30? I can't imagine what life will be like when the youngest kids here will be teenagers. I guess I will catch up on my sleep and might be caught at the door in my pjs at noon.

Church was good as usual. Was able to pay attention most of the time which is always a good thing. Voters meeting.........not my favorite thing but always........interesting.

Noticed after unloading Ingrid from the van that she is MUCH too big for her infant car seat anymore and she is now officially graduated to the backwards toddler seat. She did not appreciate the headlights in her eyes when we drove home after dark. Much screaming!

Went on a brief walk with my buddy LaRena this afternoon. That was nice and we should do that more often. I need to remember the carriage next time though as carrying Ingrid on my back is becoming more of a challenge, especially with long distances. Carrying her around the house is one thing but taking a 'walk' is hard.

No bike ride today......maybe tomorrow. Bleary eyed tired and should go read a book for school.

Various things including today

2009-11-14T19:21:00.001-08:00

Today was certainly a marathon which most days seem like that lately. I even squeaked in some reading instruction with Benjamin this morning. Wow! I find I have to get to his reading work first thing or the very thought of how it sometimes goes arye might prevent me from even starting. Some of my kids have learned easily without much effort from me and some........well it takes a little longer.

The day really started at 5:30am with the little Fefan coming down soaked to the gills and just wanting dry clothes and wondering when the playing could begin. I sucked him into bed with us and proceeded to try and coerce him back to sleep. No dice. I eventually attacked him with a stuffed dog puppet and he became a giggle monster.

Breakfast............boring cereal........no glorious Saturday morning pancakes and no granola.......again. My little bowl of sugary cereal took me till 10:30 before the sugar crash forced me to indulge in some fish chowder and a dill pickle from last nights dinner. Yum. Yeah, fish in the morning is not everyone's cup of tea but I love it. Haven't had any herring in awhile so chowder is a close second.

The rest of the morning was full of searching and destroying the laundry piles and sorting the sock mountain. Wow. Everyone has quite a bit more clothes in their closets/drawers and the living room is much cleaner. Yay! Doesn't this thrill you???? Cecilia helped till it was time to go to Cooking Club with the most wonderful Karen. Honestly I would have forgotten if she hadn't shown up at the door! Rather the other girls showed up at the door and Cecilia ran out of it. Cute. I believe she had a great time.

The boys worked on a 'secret' project which I need to devote some time to investigating tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about that. Tobias also came over and shot all his arrows and some of ours into never never land in the field. We will have to have a search and rescue mission with the kids before it snows. I don't think they shot anything.

Late afternoon I took a glorious bike ride into the sun set (almost literally) and enjoyed the scenery once again and even saw another biking nut. I usually see people walking their dogs. I have to say the little Chihuahua's scared me more than the Weimaraner that always comes to bark at me. I thought the little buggers might shoot into my spokes but safely got around them and gave a cheerful hello to the smiling owner.

The evening zipped by. Helped Charley figure out our lovely computer that limps along to get the church budget updated and printed. Fun. Watched too much tv and spent way too much time figuring out how to spell those two dog breeds above. I really MUST go to bed so I don't get too droopy in church in the morning. :o) Ingrid would never let me do that though. Tomorrow I hope to go on a simple walk with a friend and get a little work done on the 'secret' - not telling.

Sandhill crane day

2009-11-12T17:42:00.000-08:00

The kids and I had fun going to Jasper-Pulaski State Park to see the cranes today. Benjamin is jabbering in the background on this video. You can actually hear him over the deafening noise of the birds. I was not sure what to expect but am glad we went. There were thousands of birds all over this field and the video was of one of the times a large amount of them took off and starting either flying away or resituating themselves. I would take the kids again some time...........perhaps in the spring when the sun going down time would not be quite as cold.

The trip home was pretty uneventful aside from the three year old who refused to use the port a potty at the park screaming he needed to go potty and then mad I ate the last cookie. Good thing we found a gas station out there in the sticks with a decent bathroom. The child really needed to go. I'm sure everyone wanted to know that.

Marching Orders and relating to our children

2009-11-10T04:10:00.000-08:00

I was chatting with a friend yesterday about a book she had read regarding our relationship with our children. It had sort of a new thought or emphasis that I suppose I've read about before but it is usually put in terms of nurturing and not specifically in terms of using the term "marching orders". It was discussing the caution that we can get in the habit of only relating to our kids in terms of giving out 'marching orders' and not in terms of just having fun with them or talking with them about whatever. I thought it was a good warning to give especially in terms of a large family as there are so MANY marching orders to give out that we can easily fall into the trap of not talking with them and only seeing what needs to be done and having them do it. Sometimes my days can be like that in order to get through the day but I think I do make some of a point to chat with my kids. Sometimes I probably talk more with my kids about how things are going then worrying about the marching orders so I suppose a happy medium can be met. I just blogged on chatting with my daughter dear in Bloomington. Her marching orders are to keep marching - har, har. I can hear her marching in the background when we talk! Anyway, I think I need to keep this more in mind with my middle children as they are not really old enough to be having discussions about their life plans or at least they don't seem too interested and they easily can be taken advantage of in the 'get it done' department and forget to just sit down and have fun with them. There is a ton of work to be done around here and the potential for much giving out of marching orders but in the end, that is not the most important thing for them. Life can not only be about tasks and I personally start to go nutty when the emphasis is only on that. Why would I assume that is not true of the little people in my life too??? They are people with thoughts and feelings too. A favorite past time of mine is to stare at their eyes while they don't know I am looking and wonder what they are thinking about. Why would I assume they are any different than me with a desire to be related to.

Ways I have fun with them is to work with them and talk with them while we are working. I also try to make a point of taking kids with me to the store and really could do better on that one. They would enjoy the outing and it does give me an opportunity to talk with them. I recently took Benjamin to the store and you would think he just landed from another planet as he had SO many questions about everything. I NEED to take that boy out more. Cecilia was not much different. Benjamin in fact assumed I was taking him Christmas shopping as that was probably the last time he went to the store...........last year! Just sitting down on the couch and reading a book together or even not together while listening to music is a good thing. Grabbing their Scout book and helping them through doesn't hurt. Helping them with their Catechesis rather than just asking them if they've done it. Laughing more and helping them see they are more important than marching orders. Chilling out and laughing over stuff rather than stressing over them. Sigh. Double sigh. I hope my kids know they are more important than the marching orders I give out.

Instructions, instructions and forgetting the child inside that head. Not good. Sigh. Marching orders - uh yeah. I know I hate having relationships built on what I should be doing next so good old fashioned conversation and talking about why the stores put candy in the check out lane can only be a good thing (so mommy will be tempted by a Heath bar again). I love being appreciated and I love conversation myself. I hate only being talked to about the tasks at hand and the next fire to put out. It is the least I can do for my kiddos is take time to talk with them. I love my kids and certainly hope I can keep this in mind with all of them. I really think my house would look a lot nicer if I would just stop talking to them so much about life but.............see the words above........it is not always worth it.

Silly thoughts

2009-11-09T17:56:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am sure that last post was less than convincing to the crowd who puts no credence in proceeding in faith. Oh well. Anyway, it has been a long and busy day and I should hit the hay. It started out with my washing the floor and then someone promptly spilling milk all over the place. It did actually improve from there. I got bunches of stuff done and not enough school work done with the six year old. Matthew helped him with his math and actually did a pretty decent job with him (Benjamin). Perhaps I will have to pay him to help out with that but Matthew has enough stuff on his plate he probably won't be able to squeeze that in.

The evening concluded with me frustrating myself by going to church and first off looking forward to that and then..........fussy, loud Ingrid decided it was best to go home and hit the hay. So she promptly fell asleep on the way home and now most everything is quiet. Better grab a book and try not to let it hit my face.

Cat skeletons in trees

2009-11-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

You know how people fish cats out of trees as they are afraid they will get stuck there. I loved the scenario presented to me once upon a time (I think it was my husband who spent too much time fishing a cat out of a tree in our backyard) that you don't see too many cat skeletons in trees. Well, for some reason I equate this scenario with anyone claiming that 'family planning' must include the reasoning that we should be able to provide for them. Of all the families I know who have large families, no matter what their income, I have yet to attend any of their children's funerals because they failed to be able to provide for them. WHO provides for them??? Hmmmm...... I know quite of a few people who have come from large families who are much older than me and they have nothing but love and affection to express for their families and since they are still living I don't think their funeral occurred as a result of their parent's 'poor planning'. Of any of these older people who admitted to feeling hungry at any time, they still are well adjusted, contributing members of the church and the world at large.

If there are any hungry today that are known, then shame of me/us for not giving them a hand. But.........I also don't know too many who do not willingly lend a hand to those they see in need or at least could be helped from someone else's generosity. I am refraining from even mentioning the 'proceeding in faith' duhness and remembering who gives life to begin with as that seems to escape some people. But duh.......that is true too. I personally try, as my poor mind remembers, to pass things along when a need is there. Not patting myself on the back but this still seems like normal behavior even for the most earth hugging people who might want some recognition for doing so, to love their neighbor and be thankful for what they have even if they do not realize it was not for their perfect planning that God continued to provide for them.

So.......if I am not available to do something due to the fact that I have a whole bunch of children's funerals to attend, then I am sorry and I hope to be able to make time for y'all in the future. I need to scoot as my added resonsibility is doing her best to trash the house as fast as she can.

Can't blame it on dial-up anymore

2009-11-09T04:10:00.000-08:00

It used to be people would try to call and someone would be on the Internet with the phone being busy all the time. Well, we don't have that excuse anymore. Now, the new thing is for it still to be busy with me talking to my dear eldest daughter on the phone. My mother might be calling too. My mom is responsible for this habit I think in that growing up we talked a lot and then again when I flew the coop we still talked a lot. Now with the great gift of cell phones and Anna is between classes or avoiding her homework at night..........she calls.........or I call. I love it. We are a great distraction to one another. I hope I will talk to my sons as much when they fly the coop but of course if I keep up the same pace, then the phone will always be busy and forget getting through the line. I sort of assume that there are not that many people who might be trying to call anyway so blah, blah, blah we go. It's fun. :o) If someone really wants to get ahold of me try the cell phone. At least I'll know you called and I might stop talking to my daughter or mom long enough to return your call. :o)

Anna has seven classes today so I suppose I will get a lot more done. :o)

Little Fefan

2009-11-05T04:46:00.000-08:00

Otherwise known as Stefan is three years old today. Phew. It's been a busy three years. His last year has been basically good. He still has eczema but it doesn't seem to make him as crazy. So far this morning, I made him pancakes and he is exercising his threeness in insisting he pick out his pancake, carry his own plate, get his own fork, pour his own syrup and..........finally after much fuss has gotten some calories in his stomach. He is totally in a mood to 'do it himself'. Hopefully if we keep a steady stream of calories coming his direction he will remain in a good mood.

His accomplishments of last year were conquering the potty training, asserting himself in being tidiest child in the family complete with dustpan and broom, and he now might look in your direction if you are not a family member. He is really pretty sweet and I am looking forward to some serious snuggle time with him. Of course if he decides to scream at me and not want to do things together I will try not to giggle at his opinionated self.

Happy Birthday Stefan!

Noise and the dad

2009-11-04T04:02:00.000-08:00

This may seem like Mr. Obvious to those readers who read this silly thing and look from the outside but it occurred to me last night that I have been single parenting for several months and I basically just need some relief or least some sharing of the noise better known as 7 kids making a lot of noise and a lot of messes with only me to listen. The dad certainly has been around a little more but he also has had his work stress so I have not even asked or expected much of him in the line of support. I guess I am just a wimp and NEVER could have a been a military wife as I frankly do not love going it alone here. I am just noised out. So after a little discussion last night and the dad coming and helping with some daddy things, I felt a great sense of relief and calm. This mom can certainly feel like a nut with the demands, demands, demands that kids throw your direction and then all of that can be accompanied by noise - whining, arguing siblings, screaming tired toddlers. It is just exhausting. So.........I just need some dad support I am thinking for the critical times when moving forward simply feels like a challenge.

Dads do need to help their crazy wives. Crazy wives whose only role seems to be chasing the kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, do benefit from some sort of outlet. I am not getting any outlet right now either with all the chasing. The school chasing is also exhausting but we persevere. Anyway......if I could impress on the dad's what a difference it makes to help with little details, like speeding the procrastinating, cute little buzzards to bed or speeding the kitchen clean up along.....then.........well.........then there could be some calmer wives and mothers out there and calmer kids as well. My role or the mom's role is constant maintenance. I would love to have that extra time to snuggle more with my kiddos (hey, I could rename this blog Karin's buzzard's - ha ha!) instead of only being the maintenance person. "Pick this up. Put away your laundry, work on your homework, have you done this? Help with cleaning. You made a mess, clean it up. etc......." How much nicer it would be to be remembered for something more than chasing after their needs. I used to read to the older ones regularly and I now have to make a conscious effort to remember to do this with the kids now. The dad can help with that too. It pays dividends in smarter kids you know!

So dad's.........we mom's give up most everything that interests us, horn playing, reading, participating in any sort of groups, sleeping........for the good of the family and because our kids and husbands can't seem to live without us but seriously, this mom and many other's need some relief every DAY ! This mom has no option to just every evening go do something else. This mom is a little weary and other mom's get to this point too. It doesn't hurt to try to help out a little more and remember that your wife's brain might implode if one more evening goes by without a little help. I should not be trapped into thinking I need to be a hero for my stressed husband and I know the men folk need to be told what is needed but hint, hint.......if your wife is imploding.......step up to the plate and hit it out of the park!!!!! After all Joe DiMaggio otherwise known as my husband, you ARE very good at helping with the little darlings and your cuteness while sweeping the living room and reading to and diapering short people makes my heart swell. It also makes my heart beat..........slower and more deliberately. Love you dear!

What else is there to talk about

2009-11-03T04:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry. One other thought. If I am constantly cleaning and chasing scum, that leaves very little time for me to do anything that might be very interesting or be more interesting to others to talk about other than chatting about scum in our houses. Listening to 'discussions' on things more interesting leaves me feeling sort of out of it as my mind can not even wrap itself around a subject which could be interesting to me if I had time to devote brain cells to it. I dreamed of keeping up with the reading with the older kids this year again and it has not been happening. I will give it another go but I do wish I had something more interesting to discuss with other people other than my discouragement and feelings of being overwhelmed. I will 'try hard' to try to focus on other peoples lives right now and it is true I have been sort of a boring downer. Yikes. I think the struggle is I would like to be able to enjoy my children and find very little opportunity to do that when the rest of life looms. Oh........the other stresser is having my husband stressed from people all around him losing their jobs and wondering what his own future is as far as where they will be working etc. He is not exactly capable of helping destress things right now and so I chase after trying to make his life easier and even that has not been working well lately. There is only one of me. That is all. I'm not helping myself here.

Restless

2009-11-03T04:16:00.000-08:00

I have been on a total mission to try to descum my house. If you are having quality school, you do not have quality cleaning. So, I've been 'trying' to get up early and get to details that otherwise are neglected. We of course have not gotten to all the details and I use "we" loosely as it is mostly me getting up at five something to conquer and divide. This mission leaves me very restless with 'ants in my pants' syndrome. I can not say it is the most satisfying mission either as my dear husband does not even notice any change and I frankly get pretty discouraged. I FRANKLY would much rather be reading a book or playing my horn or riding my bike. I have no doubt that these are the most difficult years of the mommy gig where house cleaning is concerned. It is also difficult to get quality thorough school done when I am restless and crazed with cleaning. Sigh. So goes another negative blog post but that is what is new with me.

On a more positive note (maybe) I had a fantastic time with the Anna this weekend and am so looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas for a little more time. We are hopelessly close and connected with one another and understand each other better than most. I was contemplating my restlessness in regard to having a little taste of her home, and I think I become more restless as I miss having her 'understanding self' around. We still talk and write naughty texts to one another. Texts are very silly.

I can't MAKE my kids do what they are supposed to do. I can only be the ever nagging mother, chasing after their lists and hoping for the best. But this role is also something that would frankly not be my first choice. I do not enjoy getting after them when I wish I could just trust them to do what they are supposed to be doing. They do a pretty good job but there is still the stress hanging over my head that increases my cranky muscle. Yes, I heard the homily last night and I am attempting to cheerfully process my vocation but sometimes I can just feel panicked. Sigh. See........so negative. Get a grip.

Karin the mess

2009-11-01T10:58:00.000-08:00

Pulling myself together to take the Anna home. The weekend has been good but the house is a mess and so........I fall apart. No one has to fix it. It will all be ok eventually. I hate mice, the fact we have to cook, clean, and create laundry. I love the verses in the Bible we heard this morning of no more tears. Love it. Sounds very attractive. Great service this morning when I was able to pay attention. Great to have Anna to revel in Emmaus. Great to celebrate with Pastor Grobien for his third anniversary of his ordination. Thank you to him from me! I need to laugh more and he definitely helps me in that department. Should probably give him a call for a laugh booster shot.

Love my friends, love my family, and of course Love my Lord. Not in that order. Loved my Goddaughter coming to visit Emmaus this morning. Will love my hours with my girl on the way home.

Later!

No land phone

2009-11-01T03:31:00.000-08:00

Just so you know, the land phone is not working but.......the internet is. How funny. I will check into the phone later today. The wind must have done it in.

Home for a few days

2009-10-31T10:44:00.000-07:00

My Anna is home for a few days. It is SO wonderful. It was worth every rain drop I drove through to get her. It feels so good and right to have her here. We picked this weekend as there were two Emmaus services for her to soak up and refresh herself with and YES, that is wonderful too. I know it will pass way too quickly but even for a few hours of being all together I would do it again. I will not type too much more as it will hurt and make me cry but it is all good and I will enjoy every smile and laugh together in person as I can. We talk a lot while she is at school but having her bodily here is just different. Her siblings are enjoying it too and overall life is 'normal'. Sigh.

It is DONE

2009-10-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

Here is one of the pictures of the vestment cabinet completed. It was well worth the effort and is now happily at Emmaus filled with wonderful vestments. Woo Hoo! Happy for Emmaus and proud of dear husband for a job well done and brought to completion. He can now breathe and is looking forward to a quiet evening inside the house and is going to go pick up a movie to watch with the elder crowd this evening. I have a yummy dinner in the oven for us to all eat together with him at the table as well. That will be a refreshing change. There are more pictures on facebook.

Alone time and sleep

2009-10-23T03:33:00.000-07:00

I may have to establish some new habits. I am not sure if I am capable of this though. I am becoming majorly sleep deprived. Some of my sleep deprivation is self induced. I tend to like to have a little alone or adult only time after the kids are in bed. An hour or two of not answering questions or giving directions floats my boat. Of course there is silly internet time too. So I usually manage to get to sleep between ten and eleven depending on whether husband darling wants to watch silly tv with me, or college daughter dear wants to call and giggle about insanity etc. Sigh. I love this time. But.............Ingrid has taken to getting up in the three to four o'clock a.m. range and this morning got up at 4:30 and would NOT go back to sleep.........until now. It is 6:38 a.m. and I've had my coffee (yes, with caffeine) and the poor little Ingrid dear is tuckered out.
Her poor tuckered out mommy was beside herself this morning just wanting to catch a few more winks. I am thinking I might have to get to bed earlier and then have my alone time at 4:00 a.m.????? Ouch. I SOOOO need to have a night of quality sleep. My sleep deprived college daughter and I have much to commiserate on. I am glad I don't have a test in the morning though.

The biggest problem with sleep deprivation is having the energy to face what I have to do during the day. I keep pushing myself to stay on my feet to get that load of laundry put away or follow through with dinner plans so I am not tempted to make scrambled eggs for dinner. I feel asleep on my feet at times. Then there is the cranky wanky sensations that sneak up on me.

Right now I am contemplating dear Polly's suggestion of using a squirt gun to get the teenagers up in the morning.........heh, heh, heh. I am also hoping I can get Ingrid back in her bed so I can move around and get something other than silly blogging done. Good morning everyone else! On to the rest of the day!

Almost done and cooking from scratch

2009-10-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

The second coat of polyurethane is going on and we are definitely in the home stretch. I don't think there is any other way he would have gotten this thing done except to go all out and work intense hours on it to complete it. I think I heard the vestments talking last night and saying something about the rumor that they won't have to fear for their lives for much longer. I am sure I heard them. Ok.......getting a little (a lot) tired.

We have NOT eaten together very much lately and that has to start happening again. I can't seem to manage to get food done at a reasonable hour anymore either. Cooking from scratch is what I always do (mostly) and I can tell you quickly why I have never been very successful keeping up with the winter squash in the past. It takes too much time to prepare. I am hoping to get a bunch peeled up and frozen so dinner is not so time consuming. The preparation and clean up is making me a little nutty. Pots and pans all over the place. The veges were free though so I should use them. Sigh. I shouldn't have any trouble sleeping through Ingrid's teething tonight. Yikes. I still need to clean up the mess and the kids still have some homework to do. Double sigh.

Squash Mobile

2009-10-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

Today Erik went to help our vege farmer friend clean up his fields. I winterized the bees there this morning and when I picked him up, he let us pick some butternut squash to take home. When he says pick some squash, he means the equivalent of ten bushels. Last week we probably brought home 7 bushels of acorn squash and spaghetti squash and this week we probably brought home seven of butternut squash. I have squash to share. I am hoping to use it a lot this winter. Half the battle is finding the energy to process it so you can eat it. Perhaps we will all turn orange. Matthew hates butternut squash so I am not sure how that will work for him but the rest of us love it.

My van was full of acorn squash last week and is now full of the butternut. I drive the squash mobile. I hope to give some away tomorrow morning. There is no way we can eat all that.

It has been a long day. I am asleep in my chair but should go make some granola for my hubby. He is preparing to attempt to stay on his feet to stain the vestment cabinet. It is beautiful. I suppose some would say too beautiful but like anyone in their work, he does not like to do something half way and there is something to be said about having something nice for the vestments anyway. I hope to help him carry the back of the cabinet into the great room here in a minute and I hope I don't hurt my back. I have a twinge from carrying it from the barn to the front hallway. Rats........

Squash anybody????

Brain still not working

2009-10-17T10:32:00.001-07:00

I meant to say Ingrid and Cecilia are now sick........Ingrid.....Martin.......hmmmmm.........I can see how I mixed them up.

Long but productive week

2009-10-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

This has been the week of the flu but will not bore you (again) with all that. I will call this the evaluation week or the parent/teacher week. How can that be if the parent is the teacher? Well, since we were home all week, we were totally focused on getting homework done and I was totally focused on figuring out who has been doing their homework and who hasn't. Very interesting. I suppose that is what makes me 100 percent mean. Right at the moment we are all taking a breather as it is Friday night. Matthew and I are listening to book two of Harry Potter. I am determined to get through those things and figure if I carry the books on cd around while folding laundry or doing dishes, I will finally get through them all. Martin and Cecilia have caught the bug now too. Matthew says I am like Mrs. Weasley. Well they are like the Weasley boys.....we got rid of the chickens and I don't have time to knit anymore but do occasionally drool at a sweater pattern.

Anyway, everyone is working hard for the most part on the old homework thing and I need to exercise my accountability muscle even more than before. I am going to simplify some areas with one kid and ride herd on another to just keep at it, and two others are homework maniacs and then.........one is cute. Two others are cute too and one of them might be learning as much as the oldest cute kid.

Sigh. My brain is going constantly on how best to serve this crowd. I neglect my friends and family although some call occasionally and I see a few here and there. That is always special. I go biking almost every day so I can process all I need to get done and figure out how best to do it without losing my mind. I try to keep all this school stuff in perspective and really do appreciate the benefits homeschooling affords. Phew. I know Anna made it through with me and is doing quite well at IU so I will hold onto that. It will all work out in the end. Sometimes I wish I had a teacher's aid to help with the grading and then a cook would be helpful too. One can dream...............

Not done yet

2009-10-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

Cecilia got sick last night so clearly her headache from the other day was not just a form of the sickness or maybe it was. Hopefully she is done. This sickness seems to be never ending. I should have done what the Great Brain's mother did and shoved them all in bed together or something and perhaps gotten this over with a long time ago. There are people in this world who know how much I loath the stomach flu in large families. I am not crazed or a control freak but practically speaking if someone says there is stomach flu in their family I very well might take my children and run like the wind. You have permission to run like the wind from us. It won't offend me and don't overprocess my feelings while you do so. Ingrid was so pathetic with it and the flu has otherwise just been taking it's sweet time getting through the family. I just pray Charley is spared as he has his 'project' to work on.

I need to go reboot the laundry and muster the strength to declutter some of the house. I have a compulsion to wash the floors over and over again. How do you know they are really clean???? I hate the stomach flu!!!!

Mom observation

2009-10-15T04:50:00.000-07:00

I am sure this applies to dad's too. Yesterday, as I was developing an acute case of cabin fever, and I had finally gotten everyone to bed, I decided to sit down...........alone in my chair............watch a M*A*S*H episode...........and eat ice cream. When I dish myself that 'eat by yourself quietly' bowl of ice cream I look forward to the silence and reveling in every bite. Well..........five minutes into the eating process, here come Cecilia who sits on the couch and stares at me and then starts crying. "What's wrong daughter dear and why are you up and why are you crying?" "I don't know........sob, sob." says Cecilia. Well she was probably crying because her mother dared to watch something without her and dared to eat ice cream alone. I also get this picture in my mind of the badger Francis and her thinking about what the moth on the screen reminds her of..........whack and smack goes the wings on the screen..........whack and smack remind her of.......I love that book.

The observation was, your own families tend to take great liberties whining at their mothers. Whining at mom is an inalienable right. It seems never ending on some days and then my poor husband comes home and makes some Mr. Obvious observations about what is amiss in the house and in his innocence can not understand why his wife is growling at him.

Mom, what is there to eat?

Mom, I can't find my math book.

Screaming at sibling over offense.

No mom, I do not have my assignments done.

Fine! I will do my homework that was due two weeks ago. Stomp, stomp.........

Karin, it looks like people in this house have thrown their stuff all over this room! (they did honey. Obvious. but thank you for pointing that out to me or I may not have noticed.)

So........all of these things are in the whining category. Funny, we spend most of our life whining. If a friend calls, then we hear their whining and they hear ours. What a hoot. I personally am suffering from acute cabin fever and have a HIGH need to interact with ADULTS so nearly a week of just dealing with my poor family, who as most families, sees mom as the person to whine and be disagreeable to, I am looking forward to seeing other humans! Funny as well, if non-family members whine at me about their troubles, I don't even care!!!!! I laugh or listen intently and am comforted that it isn't just me. I shouldn't laugh at their suffering but they are laughing too.

Laugh more. Listen more. Oh..........don't whine at the mom or at least limit your whining. She already knows your troubles and is just trying to help make them go away. Maybe I need to move into Erik's hermitage but of course I hate camping so scratch that thought. Do remember to clean up after yourself and probably most of all (non-reality thinking) instead of whining about the state of affairs, roll up your sleeves and do something about it!!!! EVERYONE might learn something by your willingness to make some of the subject of whining GO AWAY!!!! Now I will have to have my kids read my blog...........

Toodles!

Sicko update

2009-10-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

Today Cecilia had a headache most of the day but nothing worse than that. Yippee. She seems better and no one else has come down with it so perhaps we are out of the woods. I SO do not want to get other people sick as the throw up thing is NO ONE'S favorite thing. I think I tend to want to spare people even if there is a potential of one of my kids coming down with it once it gets going in the family. Sniffles are one thing but..........spreading the throw up thing to other families, especially since most families I know have babies and many children, just does not seem very nice. There is nothing more horrifying to my imagination then to have another kid inform me their sibling was throwing up earlier in the evening while they are smiling at me and spending close time with those around them. Ugh. Sigh. I am so..........so.............opinionated and ornery. This is the way we wash our hands, wash our hands, wash our hands..............Goodnight!

Spoke too soon

2009-10-13T04:21:00.000-07:00

Two days ago Erik stressed to me that he would sleep in his hermitage till the end of October. Well...........he changed his mind. The next morning he announced that he was moving back it. He's been out there at least six months. Now he is back in his room with his tools and his six year old brother.

Biking

2009-10-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

The new challenges of biking are, I think I need to do some 'research' on how to stay warm when biking in colder weather. I know I biked in colder weather in the spring but it kept getting warmer so it wasn't too daunting. Now it is getting colder and no doubt it will continue to get colder. I have Charley's biking pants that I gave him a few years ago and now seem to be mine. Then there are my ears.......how to fit a hat under my helmet. Speaking of helmets, I have a fat head. I couldn't find my helmet as it got buried in the back room under some blankets, so I was trying everyone else's helmets on and I must have quite the fat head. Their helmets just pearched on the top of my head and I couldn't cram them on at all. I almost went without a helmet but good thing I didn't as in my usual grace and style I managed to have my first spill on the bike. What an oof. It hurt at first but like a good horse rider I got back on and headed home. At the moment I feel fine..........we'll see what the morning brings. Basically I want to keep exercising as much as possible this winter and if the roads are dry, I love to bike so will have to figure out how best to do that. My family is so much happier if I am biking.........;O). I am sure others are happier too.

That is all for now.

The Hermitage

2009-10-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

As my eldest son walked by me a few minutes ago with a pillow I realized I probably have never mentioned that he has been living in a hermitage since last spring sometime. Maybe I did mention it but I can't remember. Well, he says he will continue sleeping in the tent till Reformation Day. There are some cold nights coming up.........yikes. He loves it out there. His dad did the same thing when he was his age so this is sort of cute. I don't think Charley stayed out there as long. He had a school bus to catch in the morning so perhaps that was a deterent to getting up in time. Brrrr............exciting post eh? Just thought it was worth mentioning the odd habits of my children...........oh, the hermitage is a tent..........

Sickos again

2009-10-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

What a day this has been. I wrote a great big lovely post about it and then the computer did bad things and did not save it. Oh well. Not that exciting.

Martin is now sick. Stefan was sick again this afternoon. Our plans for tomorrow keep getting simpler but I am a little disappointed none the less. It isn't the kids fault but one of us parental people will miss Matthew's confirmation now. Sigh. I guess the rest of my day tomorrow and plans to enjoy visiting with his Godparents and others will have to wait. Sigh.

Made lemonade

2009-10-08T15:12:00.000-07:00

Since we did not go to Ft. Wayne today, I decided to attack the house when I wasn't taking care of the little fellow. He slept for three hours this afternoon and woke up hungry. While he was sleeping I had all the kids remove all of their clothes from their dressers and bring it down to be put away. I asked that they keep only long sleeve/long pants (that would be winter) stuff in their closets and everything else had to go. It is occurring to me that I didn't even bring in any winter clothes from the storage area and they had enough already squirreled in the closets to call it good. I think that means they have too many clothes. They now can close their closets and life is a lot less overwhelming in there. I still have Stefan and Ingrid's stuff to go through. Perhaps I will get to that next week.

I went through my closet and it was like shopping without going shopping. I have these three baskets on top of my wardrobe that house the opposite season clothes. This seasonal switch is like visiting with old friends so I suppose going shopping without leaving the house was not so bad. Low and behold I found three pairs of skinny jeans in there. Phew. I needed those. I also found my belt so if they still don't fit I am armed to not have to keep pulling up my pants. That's another phew. I feel ready to face the winter now.

I now have four bags of stuff for the seminary and I am sure I could come up with a lot more. I was going to take that stuff today but obviously that didn't happen so I will have to find someone going that way to take them along with them. They are screaming to leave our house!

So the day was not too bad and hopefully no one else decides to get sick as soon as my eyes close tonight. Poor little Stefan got sick in the night and I never heard it. Being an inexperienced sick kid, it did not occur to him to call for me. He just went back to sleep!!!! Poor thing. Sorry if you just ate dinner.............

That is all for today...........I think.........

Rats

2009-10-08T04:51:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't get my hopes up or plan fun things. I was hoping to go to Ft. Wayne today and do something fun with the kids for a change but the little Fefan is not feeling the best. I can neither take him with or leave him home to torture Matthew. What would be the point of that . He is simply miserable. So we are going to do the usual school thing/cleaning gig and maybe I will go this afternoon if he is feeling a little better. I will just go by myself with the Ingrid if that is the case. My younger children seemed most confused anyway about what we were doing so I suppose it is best not to confuse them and just stick to the home front. Dragging seven kids to do anything is another word for torture at times anyway. Sigh.

Time to go figure out how to help Stefan now. Hope he spends some quiet time today. It's been basic crying and screaming so far.........

Also losing my marbles

2009-10-07T04:10:00.000-07:00

After returning from piano lessons and continuing to treat the rotten milk drinker, LaRena shows up for co-op. Yay! I was actually organized and ready to put those kids through the paces. I did miss Nick though......... Anyway, LaRena looked rather tired and I think I just AM tired lately so we vowed to make the best of the day and perhaps even end a little early since we were down one student. Stefan fell asleep in my lap at noon and I decided to brew some decaf for the weary teachers. I forgot for awhile that I had even done that but when I went to go get the coffee it looked sadly watery. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong........hmmmm.......

We survived co-op and I made it through the rest of the day including buying more food for the pigs (rabbits). Dinner was yummy with Cecilia's chicken topping from cooking club and her dad insists we do that every time (yay Karen!). Martin and Cecilia made pumpkin and apple pie for everyone and of course feared we'd give it all away before they got to eat some. (we didn't). Then I went to make my weary, worn out husband some decaf and...........figured out why LaRena's coffee was so watery. I forgot to put the coffee in the coffee pot!!!! There it say in the grinder. I am losing it! So LaRena and I had some lovely hot coffee flavored water earlier and didn't seem too bothered by it. I guess I need to clean the pot out too!

The other stupid thing I did the last few weeks was not being able to find my glasses. I was getting desperate last night and actually even asked a friend to pray I find the dumb things. Well, literally minutes after I hung up the phone from that conversation I decided to go back and look in my cosmetic bag from when I went to Bloomington a few weeks ago. I had looked there already so it didn't seem possible they were there. Inside I found this little zipper side pocket.........they were there. Marbles spilling everywhere (my brains) and I will also have to think of other silly things for the friend to pray about. That was amazing - har, har. Perhaps I will stop falling asleep in Bible class now as my contacts can make me sleepy. We shall see what other ridiculous things I will do today. Ummm..........eggs without the eggs, toast without bread, baby without diapers...............

Forgot what day it was

2009-10-06T15:13:00.000-07:00

This morning I indulged myself by sleeping til 7:15. It was great. No kids were up (yet) so I decided to get a few things done. Why not? I can get so much more done if the kids are still sawing logs. So I decided to just let them sleep while I brewed my coffee (naughtily drinking caffeine in the morning again) and checked the old email and then decided to wash the floor under the dining room table. It was getting very disgusting and the time seemed right. Low and behold Stefan was a the table and he had retrieved a sipper cup from the fridge and was sucking it down as fast as he could. I don't think he drank enough yesterday. I washed the floor while he jabbered away about what I was doing. I love these two year old moments.
All the while I was thinking about how I had til 10:30 or maybe 11:00 until co-op started and what might I get done in that time. Still no other kids were up and then around 8:15 it dawned on me! Ack!!!!! Tuesday is piano lesson day!!!!! AT 9:00 a.m.!!!!! I forgot!! Well the mommy alarm went off loud and clear, the kids understood perfectly that there was definitely a problem and they needed to move fast. In fifteen minutes they got dressed, ate, got their music and made it to the van. We made it to lessons with five minutes to spare. I am not sure what is wrong with my brain but my floor is clean now.

Oh.........just as I was getting ready to run out the door Stefan threw up. The milk he got from the fridge was bad and for some reason he still drank it. He is fine now but it took the morning for his stomach to settle down. Poor kid. Poor Erik who was left with him and got to clean the throw up off the couch. Sigh. Hope there is nothing going on tomorrow morning.

The Vestment Cabinet

2009-10-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

As I am writing this the first pieces of "The Vestment Cabinet" are being glued together. I am not sure how long ago, two, maybe three years ago, Charley agreed to make a vestment cabinet for the church for the beloved, amazing vestments. Just this morning, when taking my eldest son to church to fill the candles, I dared to put my big toe in the sacristy to see what the vestments are hanging on now. I've never even put my little toe in there. Ahem. Yeah. Need something better than that....uh....hanger thingy to hang up the vestments. (Interesting room.) Why did this project take so long? Well, I can tell you why. It is huge. It is intricate. It will be beautiful. It is daunting. If I were Charley I would have been more than a little daunted by this project. After two (plus) years of gently asking and wondering how that was going to less than a month ago having a not so very nice conversation with him about 'just get it done' he has sold his soul to the vestment cabinet.

The man, in between the stressors at work and trying to perhaps change a diaper maybe or say 'oh yes, I remember Ingrid. Did she grow since I last saw her?' has gone from his day job, immediately to the barn to work on the cabinet. He stays in there on his feet till he flops in bed late at night. Or of course there were the couple times we visited with others that helped him come inside and eat and then see some other hunanoids. Do I write that to make anyone feel guilty? No. He isn't looking for any recognition but his weird wife now wonders if this work of art belongs in the sacristy????? Perhaps it could be a Lutheran confessional or something. It is huge!!!! Can it sit in the sanctuary? Of course not. But it is beautiful and amazing and I can honestly be awed and stunned by it.

Anna does not get her gift for art and precise craftsmanship from her mother. That would be the dad gene. Wow. I do miss seeing him around in the evening but I suppose he was usually busy chasing after this old place before he was working on that. His whole weekends outside of church the month of September have been constantly in the barn with a bite or two eaten in between. We have done nothing 'fun' as a family in a month including not even watching a simple movie together. He makes me tired just thinking about it but I suppose this is nothing new as he always has had his sleeves into something that keeps him busy. Although he did used to come in at night to tuck a few kids in etc and of course eat with us.

So I lift a toast to the fact that the end is in sight. Old man winter is knocking on the door and Charley is trying to beat the cold. Fortunately a fellow Bosch worker is over helping to do the gluing and another Bosch employee will be handling the varnishing. I am proud of him and he actually has enjoyed the experience and learned from it. The cabinet will serve its purpose and I am glad. No will go in and study the vestment cabinet or wonder if they can learn something from the Behemoth in the sacristy but.............and please..........no plaques............but know it was a daunting task and a work of love for his pastors and congregation. I do hope people can use their imaginations to recognize what a labor of love it has been and my apologies to my husband (I will tell him in person) for ever thinking "why can't you just put that thing together?)There...........that is all I have to say.........for now.

Figured out why I am hyper

2009-10-02T06:20:00.000-07:00

I should NOT be taking time out to do this but I am so hyper I cannot help myself. It is very interesting to me that certain people's reveling in their 'poor me's' is making me confront my own issues. In thinking about the mentality of poor me's I am recognizing that I don't know a single person who does not in one way or another revel in their great amount of daunting whatever in their lives. Drat that vocation thing does drag us down doesn't it? The particular person/people who revelled to my personal frustration have made me want to get off my duff and attack my daunting lists. I find it comical in an ironic sort of way that our daunting lists leave us wanting attention etc. Poor me. I am as guilty as the next person about this. It also makes me over process what compassion or the lack there of looks like. Another person's poor me's can honestly make me a little mad. I know that shouldn't be but frankly the, everyone has something daunting in their lives thing does not make it a contest to see who has it worse. Boy that sounds cold. How do I cheerfully show compassion and yet address other people's responsibility to do what they are given to do now and help them recognize that EVERYONE has daunting stuff to face up to. My daunting list does not give me any public recognition of importance and the funny thing is the 'mom thing' is not recognized much at all as having any significance to rest of the world at all.

Gosh I have been guilty of feeling sorry for myself and thinking 'poor me.' Stop it. Easier said than done. I quickly gravitate to poor me when I see an infant or contemplate others potential of enlarging their families and then bam I might start overprocessing fretting over that. That IS my biggest issue right now I would say. I crossed off the list for now being frustrated with hyper ADD family members, daughter flying the coop, and my inability to get it all done (this I am sure will all real its ugly head again) and so I am now learning to be content from month to month without the poor me thing, trying not to cry thing, and will try to keep MY vocation thing clearly, cheerfully in front of me. Ha! Life is so funny.

So that is why I am hyper. I don't even dare to write this stuff as there are so many theologically versed people who lurk around that I am certain that what I am thinking and processing is somehow off. Sure I know all of this post might smack of some sort of self-righteousness but frankly I see everyone floating in the same boat and dealing with our own sin (or not) and it........just.....is.........making me hyper. I have a strong need to face my own poor me's right now so there! Na nee na nee poo poo! I will do my best to exercise my compassion muscle for my neighbor's struggles and poor me's. It is the least I can do in light of my own.

All in a day's work

2009-10-02T04:17:00.000-07:00

I feel like we have hit a groove here at the Horner household. The husband is hyper-actively working on finishing the vestment cabinet. This is huge as the job is DAUNTING to say the least. He is doing a beautiful job and we push to the finish line. The sheer number of pieces in this thing is unbelievable so I have no doubt it will look amazing in the end. It is quite large or will be when it is put together so perhaps we should have a tea party inside it before it is moved to it's final resting place..........the sacristy. I hope the vestments can hold on (hold up?) as they have been patiently waiting for a more secure home. Enthused smiles at his long in coming push to finish this thing are always appreciated but of course can not be expected. Ok........I can and will keep up the encouragement in this department because this project certainly is not a 'published' project but has equal amazing qualities that perhaps can only be appreciated by the down to earth type of person. He has gone every day from his day job (which we are glad there still is one) to coming home without eating and working through the evening till 9 and 10 o'clock to get this done. And I thought I was the energizer bunny lately.

The rest of the household has been figuring out how to take their education a little more seriously. Ok, a lot more seriously........... I feel like a drill sergeant in many ways, holding them accountable to trying to keep up with the amazing reappearing clutter, the amazing amount of dishes produced and then on top of all that keeping up with stepping up the expectations for their schooling. The kids were grounded from tv as there was consistent neglect of their school work and certainly no serious consideration taken of the fact that they were falling behind in many subjects or not doing them at all. I might even up the ante and make it a month from when they catch up in some subjects. The younger ones tried to trick me (not really intentionally) as they 'forgot' they had been grounded from tv and called me while I was out playing with bees to ask if they could watch a movie. Not only did they forget but I did too! I said yes initially and then my brain engaged and remembered the tv ban and called them back. They were in disbelief!!!!! What????? Why????? Goes to show you how seriously they take what I say. Hard nosed Horner rears her ugly head. There has been progress though and they are clearly working hard but some still struggle with follow through with the subjects they struggle with. I guess we all do that don't we. I struggle with eating fruits/veges and drinking enough water and do you think I follow through?????? Not. Perhaps they should ground me from chips and salsa and chocolate in the check out line. I am so weak.

Tomatoes are on my docket this weekend as most of the family is disappearing for this and that. We (I) need to become a tomato processing machine. I would love to fill the shelves to reduce the grocery bill and improve meals as long as possible. The mere thought of chili with home canned tomatoes makes me drool.

Ok, need to go attack this day and continue to help THEM work on self-discipline. I suppose I could try and eat some broccoli to console them.

Experiment....again

2009-10-01T03:40:00.000-07:00

Different experiment this time. So my dear husband's job after 23 years is somewhat in question. No one knows for sure what is happening and no one then can tell us what to expect etc. The only 'plan' that Charley and I have come up with is to figure out what it really takes to make it from month to month financially. So we are running a little experiment and it is pretty interesting. Duh. We are seeing what it really takes to make it from month to month by living as if we are making A LOT less. Our goals basically have been to not decrease our giving, not eat poorly, take stock in what we really need and not go the route of 'gosh that is a cute little outfit for cute little so and so' but........hmmmmm.........there are plenty of cute 'vintage' stuff in containers to put on that cute little hiney so restrain yourself.

Generosity is not being discounted and that is not to say we are proud of that but we don't want to forget our neighbors in our experiment. I guess it really isn't an experiment but a reality as the job truly is in HIGH question. The rant with the kids is to at least attempt to think about taking care of their stuff so it doesn't break and have the 'money grows on trees, we will just buy a new one' mentality.

Food issues in the past have been that what is brought home from the store really is to last the week and not eaten in a few days and start looking for more. I'm more motivated to keep up on the granola making in light of the expense of store bought cereal that results in soon hungry kids anyway. I can not say I am making myself crazy with this either. I am simply trying to be more conscientious about planning meals so there are not further science experiments in the fridge which would just frustrate me and especially the dear husband who sees money being thrown in the garbage for the sake of oversight and poor planning.

I sound like a rich brat I suppose as yes, in retrospect I have been concerned about these things but not to the point of really wondering how many paychecks are left. Charley does have some alternative possibilities in mind if the job went belly up so that is good. The Lord has not failed to provide for us yet and I suppose both of us growing up on definite budgets makes all this less painful. Life does not have to be really expensive with a little planning and ingenuity.

I don't believe in taking too much stock in coincidence or God sending me booming messages but sappy example of His provision is little Stefan needed shoes which I was not finding in the shoe resource bin to fit his little feet and I did look at some 'cheap' options for his little feet at the store one day. Passing them up and coming home hoping to look again in the store house, Charley came home with a bag of clothes from a friend in Ohio. Inside the bag were the exact size shoes Stefan needed and they were Clarks! Clarks for my almost three year old. Aren't we happening parents???? So I am thankful and duh, these things will work out.

I think the kids are thinking about all of this but per a few comments yesterday, I do need to chat with them about not lying awake at night wondering what is going to happen to us etc. I don't want any of them worrying. I suppose it is nice that they are considering their choices but I also think I have not talked to them enough about how much or little they need to process all this. God daily and richly provides all we need to support this body and life. This IS most certainly true. He never failed to provide for either Charley or my family growing up and neither of us lived a posh life by any stretch of the imagination. Oh........there is a blog post that has been in the making for a long time. Stay tuned.........pastor's kid/brat - professor's kid/brat - growing up and my view of the world and the world's seeming view of me. I will have to get up early again tomorrow.

Increased piety

2009-09-26T05:27:00.000-07:00

I have been reminiscing about when I was at Valpo and going to daily chapel. There was a group of us who hung together and went every day. Well, when I met Charley he suddenly became a more regular attendee to daily chapel. I don't know that he never went before but he suddenly was there very frequently. True, he happened to be friends with a lot of my friends and even roomed with one the year before. Just an aside story, when Charley first arrived on campus his freshman year, his mother made contact the dorm chaplain...........Rev. LeRoy Martinson, and asked that he made sure her son made it to church. So imagine their shock when the dorm chaplain's daughter became the girl their son intended to marry. Small campus.......I guess you could also say that the dorm chaplain did make sure their son attended church but perhaps not for very pious reasons.

So, there are a few boys who are becoming more regular in their attendance at Indiana University. It will be interesting to see if the Baptist boy shows up on Sunday. I am sure there are many boys who become more pious depending on when their hearts go pitter pat. I think my daughter aspires to young men who have been pious all along but we shall see. She is definitely not interested in going pitter pat at all herself right now but how to sort out how to help the young men stop asking her out and just be content to hang out in a group. The trials my beautiful young daughter is going through. Such problems.........

\

A visit with Anna

2009-09-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

So I actually saw my daughter this evening...in person. Phew. That was so very nice. I drank her in and tried not to crash while driving. It was so very good to see her face. I talk to her a lot on the phone but it is just different to be in her presence. I must say it was a lot like watching a movie as it doesn't seem real to me that I was actually with her. Cecilia is spending the night with her which I am very glad. A week ago I was not sure as the activities of the dorm kids are uh.........questionable. But her room is very nice and is really a double room so Cecilia has her own space and they will be able to go to breakfast and hang out tonight and tomorrow. Wish I were there.

Anna has certainly become a part of the life of IU. Not in the party way but the academic way. She is very busy and very tired but still seems to be soaking it all in. I think a night to sleep in would be a good thing. I still find it very odd that now that I have seen her she will not be coming home with me. I hope I can handle that hole when I drive away on Sunday. We will paint the town red tomorrow and I will continue to stare without making her uncomfortable.

In the crib across the room is Ingrid. She is quietly sleeping in all her sweetness. I am staring at her too.

At home unfortunately Benjamin is having another asthma attack and Charley is discovering his breathing treatment thingy does not seem to work or we don't know what we are doing. Thankfully Charley feels confident to handle it tomorrow and get it fixed. Thank you Charley.

Trouble in the land of socks

2009-09-24T07:08:00.000-07:00

Socks need to be our mission right now but I am having trouble fitting that in between dishes and clothes that might be tempted to start molding if they are not washed. We are in sock crisis. Last night we were running a completely crazy schedule and were home only long enough to cram some food in our mouths, get dressed for church and run out the door. Benjamin is learning more about this drill (finally) and obediently went to his room to get dressed for church. I always forget everything about Benjamin and his clothes seeing as his room is so far away and his roommate lives in the yard in a tent. The poor boy lacks foresight on most things. Well, he does seem to get now that his mother wants him in a relatively clean shirt, khaki type pants and dress shoes with black socks. There was wailing that came from upstairs and I went to see what was the latest problem. Benjamin was sobbing on the stairs as he not only did not have black socks, he didn't have ANY socks! Black dress shoes in hand and otherwise completely dressed, his mother looked at him contemplating how we were already late to choir practice and told the boy, "If Pastor Grobien can go to church with no socks and dress shoes, so can you. Get in the van." He sported his amused, confused Benjamin face and ran out the door to the van. It was in the upper 70's after all................

Today..........sock sorting..........not sure if men have no sock rules for summer/fall as the women have no white shoes rule after Labor Day..........I love deep thinking.

Through Stefan's eyes

2009-09-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

Stefan is now almost three and when he is not screaming, can really be quite the little charmer. He does scream though. He has three basic things that seem to keep him happiest which should come as no surprise. First, his tummy needs to have a steady supply of food. Second, watch out if he gets too tired AND does not have much in his tummy - there is not eating coming from that boy then. Third, he loves to be talked to like he is a big person. When his little face does not get the amount of attention that he deems necessary, he is not a happy camper. It is most helpful to ask him very serious questions about his little life and he responds very seriously and seems to say with his eyes, "thanks for talking to me with a little respect mom and not like a fly on the wall that needs to be gotten out of the way since I am just a two year old." Obviously this is not any one's goal with two year olds, but seriously, I don't know too many people who really take the time to talk to them in any serious fashion. I do this with kids in public who look at me and start jabbering at me. I DON"T talk to the parents, but talk to them responding to their cherub chattering. Perhaps their parents think I am nuts and I can get away with chattering with them as I am a mom but...again.......why don't we talk to kids like they have brains in their heads? Stefan certainly does. He IS hard to deal with when he is tired but just like a grown up, do we expect grown ups to always be chipper when they are tired. I don't think we do. I think we are far more understanding and accommodating with a tired adult then a tired child. As adults we might think of an adult "get to bed and get some sleep. You will feel better." and with kids we can be basically, honestly annoyed that they can't hold it together when they are tired. Perhaps they just need more naps or something. Oh, I am rambling again but little Stefan (or Fefan as he is sometimes called) has had somewhat of a challenging life with all his eczema, which seems to rearing it's head some again, and I suppose I am just musing on how best to work with this little boy and what he is able to tolerate.

Other little boys I know also can be a little on the, how shall we say, active and opinionated side, like my Fefan and I must say they too can be quite charming when spoken too as if they are big people. I really think they think they are big people. Their siblings are so why aren't they???? Makes sense to me.

From Fefan's eyes, he sees a world he wants to be a part of and I guess I have been enjoying (when he isn't screaming) being a part of it with him. He is a cutie. Those big brown eyes will certainly catch someones attention someday. :o) They catch mine. The overbite is pretty cute too............

Nice day at historical festival

2009-09-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know what else to call it but I guess it is called the 'Trail of Courage' festival. We also saw that some call it the Trail of Death. It is a festival that has all sorts of reenacters and then of course many booths selling 'old fashion' stuff to tempt us. LaRena and I with I think....12 kids in tow headed off this morning and LaRena literally closed the place down. I am not surprised by this. I was a little tired after hauling Ingrid around on my back for six hours so I headed home thinking LaRena was close behind. She had stopped at the main building and talked to the people in charge about how things are set up there etc. I sort of wish the kids had the chance to see what was in that building but perhaps next year if we do this again. Both LaRena and I have driven by this museum and said every year that we should really go to that sometime........so we did!

I do wish they had some more variety in the actual reenactors but I suppose for a local event it was really well done and very well attended. They had quiet a few performers, few who had anything to do with the time and people involved in the Trail of Courage but well worth watching . There was a group of bag pipe players who had a young boy who was very good. I was impressed. I enjoyed watching the dancers.

I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a long time which was nice too. LaRena made the comment that we could have the Horner festival and have Erik do blacksmithing and antique tools demonstrations, Anna spin and weave, Matthew could help with beekeeping and he could probably do some pioneer cooking as he is my chef, I could play my dulcimer, and Charley could have a booth where people could chop wood and get to throw it in bins. Doesn't this sound like fun. LaRena could join in with an herb garden and vegetable garden and have it all pristinely weeded and sell dried flowers and herb packets. Perhaps Martin could use his artistic abilities to learn how to decorate gourds. We shall see if we ever do this. We could put it all in one big booth at that festival or arrange our yard into a museum........doubt it.

So that was today. It was all very good and I am glad we finally did it. We can scratch off our list one more thing that we said we should do someday.

Am I irrational?

2009-09-19T04:53:00.000-07:00

I don't think my last post was irrational and no one has said that seeing as it has only been there a few hours. But........I was certainly having a moment last night and I have no doubt other 'moments' will come. I don't think it is OK either to never say anything about this topic especially from the mom's perspective. I know plenty of mom's of many and I have no doubt this topic has rumbled through their minds especially those who are of similar age and older. I have not 'given up hope' but am a little more on the humble side now and not the assuming side.

There's no time to belabor this one so for those who have no love of such musings, there are some feelings that run deep and I would rather talk about THOSE things then just wander around bottling that up. For the record I am in in good mood and ready to go on to the next thing and do what God has given me to do now. It will all be good. Perhaps now I will not inwardly groan when the Bible talks about these older women having babies thinking I will be having babies till I am 50 and over. Ha! The joke WILL be on me if that were so. I do think I would love to talk to other moms who are in the midst and beyond this step. I talked pretty frequently with a mom at the pool this summer who had ten kids and the youngest was three. She was 41 I believe and there had not been any further babies. Interesting. It is all very interesting.

When do you become a mother?

2009-09-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

Is it when you have that first little one or is it when you realize you may not have another. Do I look at my children differently when I see them with fresh eyes wondering if Ingrid will be my last. The Lord is the author and giver of life and I am not in charge. I am sure there are many who would find this post crazy but it is my life given to me by my Lord and it is how I feel.

As each child has come and was expected there was always the fear of what people might say or think. There was some fear of being evaluated or criticized. Then I got older and didn't care quite as much. Now I am older still and just wonder. I also know many who would say that Ingrid is only one years old and why am I even thinking about this but I am almost 43 and well........I ain't very young anymore. Time is passing and this may seem too personal for a blog post but again I don't think I care. My brain is beginning to process that 43 is 43 and the time is coming shortly when is VERY possible Ingrid might be it. Ironically I think now everyone is so used to another Horner baby that they actually ARE expecting we will be expecting but......I am having my doubts. Don't panic Karin. It may or may not be true but that does not prevent my brain from processing and my heart from looking at the children I have afresh and see them growing up quickly and one already on her own. I miss her and I miss the older ones already as I know it will not be very long before my household will shrink some more. Sigh. Seven seems small. I will try to appreciate every moment and I will also give it a good try to be patient and accepting of whatever life holds for me. Yes, this is probably too personal but I guess I would like people to know that this is hard for me. Harder than I thought it might be. If I do end up expecting again I certainly would not want anyone to poo poo my thoughts as there is no denying that this aspect of motherhood is near the end if it hasn't already ended. So I look at my children, especially the little ones with new eyes and perhaps now I am becoming a grown up and will do different things in life besides changing diapers and spoon feeding little people. Only the author and giver of life knows. I have already begun looking at newborns a little differently too wondering if that will be me again holding a newborn. Maybe being 43 is just the time when all this hits. Maybe I have just always loved having a baby to take care of and took that for granted. Maybe I shouldn't have watched one of Anna and my favorite movies and pined away for her too much this evening. Who knows. So I guess I became a new sort of mother today with different vision. Sorry is this was too sappy for you all. I guess..........I just love my kids and thank God for each and every one of them. Being a mother is just what God has given me to do and I am thankful for that too.

Doing the next thing

2009-09-18T16:52:00.001-07:00

Today was the model for just doing the next thing. The morning began very slowly. I was supposed to be at our homeschooling co-op friends home at 10:30 and it did not look like I was going to make it. The kids and I actually slept, as this is GREAT sleeping weather, till almost 8:00. Some of them slept beyond 8:00. I didn't care. I made up some pancakes as Stefan ate most of the granola yesterday. He was hungry. The kids were pleasantly surprised. They had worked very hard the last few days between school work and tomatoes so it seemed like the right thing to do vs. the oatmeal drill.

At co-op I just put each group through their paces and didn't spend any more or any less time on any subject then was necessary. Both groups are pretty easy to work with and really a pleasure to be with so that makes for a nice day. There are those who seem to still resist the concept of homework but I am trying to encourage them to do the next thing too. Seeing as both families have graduated kids who did not fail in life because of their habits in grade school, I guess I am not panicked.

Back at home, Martin and Cecilia made some more tomato sauce to go with the chili for Sunday afternoon at church. They are VERY good at this and seem to have this project down to a science. If only we had more time to get a little more done in that department but again, will accept what gets done as it gets done. I made a lot of chicken salad from yesterday's barbecue chicken for our outing tomorrow. I even squeezed in a bike ride to burn off some personal frustrations which don't involve anyone but me (so to speak) and I'm glad I did that, I might get some winter biking equipment so I can continue as long as the roads are dry. Sigh. I am getting faster so it does not take up as much time.

After the kids get done watching their silly movie, most of them are going to bed and Cecilia and I will make some more gingerbread from the "More with Less" cookbook. That is SO yummy. Cecilia helped make some for Anna yesterday for her care package. My family is shrinking but will try to make the most of it. OK......there I go having a moment again. Perhaps I will have to get a headlight so I can bike in the evening once it gets even darker, sooner. Sigh.

Matthew made yummy rolls (Cecilia made some yesterday!) and we should be all set tomorrow. We are finally going to this 'Trail of Courage' (I think that is what it is called) instead of continually driving by it and commenting how we should go some year. So.......I will try to blog about how that went tomorrow. It should be good.

Bemused

2009-09-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

I keep hearing people say things to me about how amazed they are by how much I get done around here. I wish I had high speed so I could post pictures of how much we don't get done around here. There are many a day, which most people I know can relate to, where I lay great plans and then as hard as I try, I am sidetracked, waylaid (spelling?) or perhaps even the phone rings endlessly and I just don't get much done. I do not like attempting to get much else done but school during the week as that will ensure that school wouldn't happen. Anytime I think I can squeeze in some ironing or extra laundry then homework, piano practicing, math drill etc. just doesn't happen. My lawn mower hates me lately and even trying to get to giving the lawn a hair cut doesn't work as the dumb thing doesn't want to start or keep running for me if it does start. Prior to mowing the lawn I usually have wasted time looking for my scruds, making sure the little people are taken care of, everyone is busy and not killing each other, and then.........I go to the mower and rrrr.rrrrr......rrrrr........rrrrrrr.........nothing. So goes another day of accomplishments.

I am blessed with children who know how to can tomatoes though. That is a huge help as I am certain I would not get to that at all otherwise. There is nothing more exciting and perhaps therapeutic to them than to smash tomatoes down through the strainer and watching the auger has its way with them. The thrill is starting to wear off as we are nearing 50 quarts. They made at least 20 quarts today with a big vat of salsa to boot.

So.........I guess it is the kids who get a lot done and I spin my wheels between diaper changes, laundry reboots, and trying not steal a nap when my bed is calling to me. I do not get a lot done. I think I used to. I suppose I do still cook and stare at the miss-matched socks when the kids come downstairs barefoot for church complaining they don't have any.

Just bemused I am...........

Sunday morning happenings

2009-09-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

Friday evening I biked the boys about three and a half miles south of us to their camp area. That is Z.B. Falcons to the locals. We put their gear in the Burley behind my bike and off we went. I suggested to the boys that they could bike home Sunday morning (they didn't hear this I don't think) and rode back home a lot lighter. Their Scout Master looked a little surprised to see me there with the boys.

On Saturday I was contemplating Martin's ability to remember to stay on the side of the road and decided to bike down Sunday morning and ride them home. It is pitch dark til a little after 7:00 now so I left with Burley in tow and headed south. Martin was to be acolyte so I needed to make sure we got home in time to clean up and leave. It was cold and VERY quiet. I loved it. Zipping down the roads with not even the birds up chirping, brain able to contemplate stuff, while wondering if I should have worn a jacket, is incredible. It got brighter and brighter and the noise did not increase too much and there was NO traffic. Perhaps it was just too early on a Sunday morning for anyone to be up but I must say it was kind of nice.

I got to their camp ground to discover they didn't know what time it was and weren't sure how they were getting home. They were a little surprised to discover we were hitting the road and leaving for home immediately. One scout tried to suggest that Matthew load their tent in the Burley with the rest of their gear for me to haul home too but I sort of laughed and said that wasn't happening.

Hauling their gear back was a lot easier than going there. It was colder going back. I am slowly getting back into shape and happily report that I have carved off 25 since March. Wow. I don't want to think about that too much. I am determined to keep biking through the fall and as long as I am able to. I would like to stay in shape if possible and not drift back too far in the other direction. It is sort of nice that none of my nicer clothes fit too well anymore and I am not going to do anything about that either. Fitted clothes are best but a little sag won't kill me. Skirts are the best for this condition. Sigh. At least I know weight loss is possible so that is reassuring.

We did get to church in plenty of time and the service, sermon, everything was divinely awesome (Anna thought I said awful on the phone......giggle). A great morning and maybe I will bike again next Sunday morning just because.

Thankful Charley does not travel so much anymore

2009-09-05T19:22:00.000-07:00

I can't remember how long ago it was but Charley used to travel to Europe about once every two months for at least a week. Yes, he gained the miles and I gained the endurance to keep single parenting but it wasn't easy. I put up a good front I guess. Charley and Erik return tomorrow from Pennsylvania. They went to Charley's parents farm auction where all the rest of the stuff on the farm was sold. I haven't heard from him since the sale so I hope all went well. That is all a long story as to why he went at all but needless to say I missed him around here. Yikes. Erik is a huge help as well. Matthew and I crashed each evening and watched a movie together and ate some goodies. He too misses them as flying solo with the little people is a challenge. He watched both Stefan and Ingrid on Friday while I was at a funeral. Very tired young man by the time I returned.

We got a little bit done today but each day seems like such a struggle. I want to get a lot of tomatoes canned as there is nothing quite like it in winter cooking than my own canned stuff. The kids do most of the processing now but they will have homework to get done too so this may be a challenge. After the kids were all in bed I went into the kitchen and observed the fall out from the days endeavors. Wow. I have my work cut out for me but I could not help but see Stefan's little shoes deposited by the refrigerator, the smoshed tomato from Ingrid playing in the basket, toys randomly spread on the floor, and then to stop and think of how I will truly miss this someday. Who knows, that day may be sooner than I know, and my own inability to handle their busy little selves bumping around the house, does call me to repentance and I will at least be able to think endearing thoughts now, when all is quiet, of their sweet little faces while they muddle through the day too.

Sigh. I miss my Anna who calls me regularly. I thank God for His goodness to me in giving me such a wonderful daughter. She grew up fast and so will the rest of them. Hearing about the escapades of some of the other college kids around her, I am taken aback by all that I take for granted in my own children. I am SO glad I have perservered through the homeschooling and I know that we will all be closer as a result.

I should be reading right now and will have to find a lot of time to do so. I don't know where all this time will come from to read but so far so good I am at least on track with where we are in school.

Looking forward to the Divine Service tomorrow despite knowing Matthew and I will be juggling Stefan and Ingrid. Hope I have enough Cheerios and raisins...........

Missed Anna even before I talked to her

2009-09-04T04:13:00.000-07:00

Matthew and I ended up watching a very modern take of King Arthur last night. It was.....different.........but full of lots of action for the guys to enjoy. I know Anna would be impressed that I actually stayed awake for a such a long movie but actually succeeded in doing so. Anyway, I was missing my Anna last night and little did I know at the time she had a somewhat stressful afternoon. I am happy for her on the one hand that the result of her stress will be she will get her single room but of course that won't happen without the additional stress of her roommate not understanding why Anna does not want boys in her room. The roommate also did not seem to understand that Anna wanted her own room right from the beginning but hopefully this isn't dwelled on and Anna's fears of everyone on the floor disliking her will not hold true. I am glad she has met A LOT of people as compared to her first few days on campus so I am sure that will help.

I was going to blog the other day on how glad I am that I homeschooled Anna as the discussion she overheard her roommate have with her parents was rather sad. I suppose it is the 'norm' for kids to not like or appreciate their parents but that is not the case with Anna or our family. I do not recall despising or feeling like my parents were losers when I was Anna's age. This is just sad. It was stated to Anna yesterday that she should not care what her parents think and that what they thought doesn't matter. Sigh. How can you not feel sad after hearing that?

Anyway, I am proud of my Anna and hope she does not receive too much flack for holding an opinion. The transfer process was actually not too hard to obtain as in the roommate agreement, Anna's roommate refused to abide by the 'no boys in the room' policy (I think that was an evening request???) so the RA in charge of this said they would have to make some room changes. It is what Anna wanted to begin with so I should be happy for her. I am. I just hate all the insinuation that Anna is being unreasonable. I'm glad she ended up having a pleasant evening afterward.

Sigh.

This is exhausting

2009-09-01T18:10:00.000-07:00

I suppose in a few weeks it will be less exhausting but I am trying to get my school stuff organized while schooling. I sat down a few times (probably here with the baby) today and seem to have not stopped at all. I have hyper energy to keep working away at putting books where they need to go but will probably fall asleep with a book in my face. I am hopelessly disorganized right at the moment and find myself more than a little on the irritable side while trying to have the boys work on assignments, find and put away books, weed out books from last year and maybe fold a little laundry from camping in between. I suppose this is the same post as the last one. Not very exciting. I pretty much put off doing all of this in light of the rest of the summer, Anna getting ready to leave, partying with Anna and the kids, and hanging on to summer as long as I could. Sigh. Now I feel like going and reading a book that I wanted to get read over the summer but guilt may keep me from doing that. I am pretty far ahead on the required reading for my literature classes so that is good but there is also the preparation for my other classes. Ugh. To think I once considered doing this in a larger classroom setting. I have no clue how I would have kept up with that.

Ingrid, the tornado, is working as hard as she can to trash everything in her path. That is developmentally correct but perhaps a little maddening at the same time. At least she destroys stuff cheerfully. She does not seem to want to settle down for the night. Oh? Well maybe she has now changed her mind. Yippee! She is finally out for the night. Can you say energizer bunny? I knew you could.

Tomorrow I hope to continue to lay the ground work for the kiddos to figure out what in the world they are doing in their school work. Perhaps if it warms up enough I will take a few kids to the pool in the evening to soak in one last hurrah. I will miss the pool. Did we actually have summer this year????

I am hoping to not have nightmares tonight. Last night's were of the doozy variety with people yelling at me and it was WAY too real. It was only a dream. If looks could kill though I suppose it would have been reality considering who was in the dream. Will I ever let that go? Or.....just get over it????? Perhaps not.

I love talking to my Anna girl on the phone. She is doing fantastic. She is responsible, responsibly worried enough about whether she might not be being responsible, and basically settling in and figuring things out. You go girl daughter of mine!!!! She's the best. I am surprised people are not just beside themselves with grief that such a wonderful girl is not with them now but letting other people enjoy her wonderful presence in Bloomington. She is really quite amazing and comfortable odd and I love it.

Now back to my regularly scheduled program......zzzzzzzzz...............

Starting the new school year

2009-09-01T14:29:00.000-07:00

Well, we are stumbling along but getting something done. I am very excited to implement the Literary Analysis program that I did a few years back with Anna. No offense to Anna but I would like to push these kids a little more to do a lot more with it. I see the reason behind the authors madness to write, write, write, in different forms and emphasis and perhaps I will even do it with them to get my brain working a little better as well. The program reminds me of the "This is Your Brain on Music" book in that he has them writing regularly and I have impressed on the kids that the more they write the easier it will be. I am excited for them.

There is the usual mayhem of the little people vying for my attention which can be a little heart breaking at times as there is only one of me. I am trying to get the kids so they can work a little more independently and not need so much explanation from me. Perhaps I will have more time for the little people then. Sigh. The older kids really should not need me to hold their hands too awfully much now so here's hoping this will work.

I am also slowly catching up on stinky laundry, camping mess and not be tempted to work only on that in light of school days tripping by. Yes, it is only day two but it seems like I can not waste a day. If my beginning is sloppy so goes the rest of the year. I am happy to be co-oping with another family again but do not want my days at home to just be recovery days from coop days.

I have also noticed that my blood pressure went WAY down over vacation. Interesting. I suppose if my life only comprised of taking little boys to the bathroom on their little tractors, donning their helmets for every trip down the road to the potty, then my blood pressure would stay down. I spent a couple hours one evening just cleaning up owies and bandaging them. (that was sort of yucky really). "Now kids, you really must keep these owies clean or they will get infected. Mommy does not always have time to chase after your wounds......" So goes that evening. Now I am home, chasing after appointments and bills and trying not to spend too much money on food and running around. "Where are Ingrid's winter clothes?" I ask frustrated by another thing to find. She grew and it feels like fall outside and, and, and.......calm down Karin dear.

Well, off to help Matthew in another gourmet meal from the galloping gourmet Matthew. Thank the Lord for help in the kitchen.

It took all summer

2009-08-31T10:34:00.000-07:00

I dreaded yesterday all summer but it has come and gone and I survived. I am pleased with my 'plan' of having stayed there camping all week as we were able to go visit one afternoon and then to go to church with her on Sunday was awesome. It gave me a chance to see her settling in, dealing with the weird things that have happened and handling them and also to see her happy and excited about the new stuff in her life. She is genuinely happy and I am happy for her. I think it would have been a lot harder for me to just drop her off on Wednesday then go home. Charley got a chance to stomp around campus as well and he is very impressed with what he sees there. He takes note that the many opportunities at IU were just not available when we were at Valpo. I am not sure they are available now at Valpo.

I did my crying over the summer and I am sure I will have my moments especially at church but I think I am prepared to move on and we are having much fun chatting on the phone about all her adventures there. I could not be happier for her if I tried. I don't think I will talk less with her but actually more in many ways. It is hilarious to hear her observations and sort of live through her. I suppose many would say we are disgustingly close but I certainly would never deprive her the opportunities she is having there to just keep her close at home. If I disappear some weekend you will know where I am.

Now if only I had my school stuff more organized for the kids at home!!!! I am sort of exhausted from last week and know there are still tons of things to do around the house. Better get cracking.......

Last day

2009-08-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

Today is the last full day at home with the Anna until Thanksgiving most likely. We had the most interesting time at Target looking for some storage containers to put her 'dresser' like stuff in. I am SO glad Charley is taking her and her stuff on Wednesday as he is all business and will be able to help with the roommate sharing aspect of her room. I did tell her that as far as her room went to just leave it a mess and I would take care of it when I found the time (hopefully before Thanksgiving). I must admit my chest sort of ached a few times today. It still does. I MUST keep the tear duct pipe in check. I will certainly miss her Anna self popping in and out of the house and probably most of all her Anna self not being at church will be most difficult. She has had the wonderful opportunity to play A LOT this past year. I guess I just expect her to be there playing. Sorry Sandy. I especially enjoyed forgetting she was playing and thinking to myself, "wow that was great" and then realizing it was Anna and not Sandy. It is her presence I suppose that will be missed the most. I know there are others who have made more long term goodbyes and they are in my prayers A LOT but I will still miss my daughter dear.

Need to go get ready for church.

Starting to feel nauseated and keeping busy

2009-08-18T05:25:00.000-07:00

I took Anna out on another 'figure out what else we need to pick up' for school trip. We said we were getting her ready for first grade since last year we talked about her first day of kindergarten. She had a good year btw and even learned how to count and say her abc's in German well enough to test out of three semesters at IU! Not too shabby. Anyway, while we were out thinking hard about what else we were forgetting (already thought of something), we talked about her schedule and the fact that she most likely will not be back in South Bend till Thanksgiving. Sigh. I am sure I shouldn't even be writing about this and I have been doing my best to shove these thoughts to the back of my mind. I hope to go down in October, perhaps my birthday weekend (Matthew's bday too) to see her and spend a little time together as her schedule allows. She is organizing her clothes so I can easily put her winter clothes in the car to take down to her then.

She is my daughter and really my best friend outside of the hubby. We think out loud together and reprimand each other together, and are silly together, serious, working etc. together. She has been a very good daughter to me and I will miss her. I know she has a lot of growing up to do too but is confidently forging ahead. I am certainly THANKFUL for the Internet and cell phones in this case and know that we will still talk.

In the meantime, we will continue to have a nice time together and I am keeping busy with preparing for our vacation and school and finishing up what she needs for the fall. I will try not to puke as this comes to mind.

There have been some looks of pity come Anna's direction but really I do not pity her. She is excited and ready to learn and work towards her goals. I don't think that at all means that she will not miss her family. I don't think she will miss any of us as much as she will miss her baby sister and little Fefan. I have observed her squeezing the stuffing out of them lately and holding them tight and long. Isn't it great that any young person her age would so value the tiniest brother and sister in her life. They will grow and change the most while she is away.

I need to proceed with the day. Off to keep busy!

Sense and Sensibility

2009-08-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

I took time out this afternoon while folding laundry to watch Sense and Sensibility again with my kids. I love that movie and I love that story. I've never read the book and perhaps I can squeeze that in somewhere, but I find it astoundingly refreshing that the characters actually seemed concerned about their reputations. If ONLY people gave a hoot about preserving their innocence or even in their wonderful unspoken fashion protected each other's reputations and their basic need to stay pure till they were able and ready to be married. I know that those stories are fiction but still, I do think people actually thought about such things once upon a time. They actually stopped to consider appearances of too intimate of conversation between two people of the opposite sex and perhaps gossiped about who liked who or who was spending time with who. Now it just seems excepted that young people date around, have intimate times via time together or on the Internet with the whole chat thing. I can see some benefits to chatting in that people can live far apart but still, it seems a little odd to me at times. I could have titled this post The Internet as well or perhaps I might rant on about that in another post. It just makes me sad at times that the Internet can pull us away from our families who live in the same house with us and promote relationships with others that can be more than they should between very young people. I have not pushed the Internet with my boys at all thus far, although I think it would be nice for them to some degree as everyone else seems to be so dependant on it. My boys don't have tons of friends and maybe that is why but really, when I was their age (and yes I was a girl) I went to my friends homes or called them on the phone to talk and I could tell all their intonations and expressions for what they were. The Internet has caused problems even for my family in misunderstanding both from within and without.

I can remember a time when perhaps I had four kids, that the email groups became way too much of an obsession for me and an escape. I neglected my kids and my family and shouldn't have done that. It is still somewhat of a draw and I am processing that but am also processing how to direct my kids with all of this. I suppose my boys are not very interesting to other boys their age as they do not watch sitcoms, play video games, use the Internet, or chat with everyone at church online. I wish they had some more intimate friends (boys) to share guy time with but for now Boy Scouts for Matthew and adults for Erik is the way it goes. I was VERY happy for them at the Higher Things conference that they had some pal around time with friends. They have some occasional get togethers with other boys but that is not that often. I hope we can work on that some more. Oh.....this makes me think that some people may suggest they line up more of a social life but frankly I have told them they are free to invite people over and we try but life is busy and they really are not suffering poor mes over anything. It is their mother who worries about it more than they do.

I should have made this two separate posts but I guess I still may ramble on about this later. Keep in mind this post is about Horner culture and life, the later part. Everyone makes different choices and I suppose I will ramble on about some life wisdom I have imparted to them in another post. I have been thinking a lot about all those conversations as Anna is getting ready to leave and I am very pleased with her confidence and definite opinions regarding herself and relationships with other young people around her. We all have room to grow and she certainly does too but overall she is very balanced. She is much more balanced than I was at that age. I thought I was just all so wise and wonderful and certainly wiser than my parents and other adults. Oh brother. I think that did travel through a lot of my college days. I see this in the young people around me and it makes me feel older anyway to hear myself thinking the same things that were prattled on at me by older people then. College kids have very little life experience in the way of supporting themselves, taking care of others, having kids and responsibilty, thinking about other people besides themselves and......that is normal and natural. Of course they haven't . I do think Anna has learned A LOT in her assistance around the house and she really is not very critical of me at all or acting superior. I am proud of her and I love her a lot. Better stop typing now.

Self Discipline

2009-08-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

Ugh. I HATE self discipline. I am not sure I know anyone who LOVES it. This getting older thing is a pain. I know that if I exercise my blood pressure stays in check. If I don't, it doesn't. I did great on exercise from March till July and then for all the busyness got out of the habit. I look at the schedule and wonder if I will be able to fit it in if I am feeling worn down by the schedule and perhaps snow and ice outside? I am not a fan of indoor exercise so can I manage to actually get up early and do that before the kids get up? Really? Even earlier if I want that cup of decaf and a few moments of quiet time before the milk spilling and cereal dumping. Please bug me people to keep up on this.

I undid my decaffeinating of myself. I buckled and started making Charley regular coffee and couldn't wait till mine was made. NO SELF DISCIPLINE. Weak I am. I am pretty sure coffee and chocolate (love it) are also at the root of my new problems. They of course contribute to my shaky hands which is also a genetic problem. I am very thankful I did NOT inherit the arthritis problem which my poor brother is now suffering with. Each generation has picked a victim for that issue. My brother has been battling the arthritis since at least late thirties so this is not a new thing for him but just one that seems to effect new areas.

It seems basically true that everyone has some self discipline issues whether it is health issues, money management, house cleaning habits, preparing for things like classes or papers or presentations. I don't think I am alone on this one. I don't think I know anyone who has it all together and if they appear to have it all together now then......they will turn 40. :o) 40 somethings must be the decade that we more fully appreciate the finite creature understanding of our lives and I have no doubt that will become even clearer in the 50s. The main issue is not that we don't know what we need to do to overcome our issues of self-discipline since I am sure that is glaringly obvious in each case - spend less, eat less, clean with routines routinely, prepare early for what is coming up, and DON'T DRINK REGULAR COFFEE!!!!! PASS BY THE CHOCOLATE IN THE CHECK OUT AISLE!!!!! Pathetic. Yes Pastors......my sinful nature is alive and well.

I just get tired of weak me not having the self discipline to simply make these issues go away. I am a sad example for my kiddos in many respects and can hardly criticize them for the issues they suffer through. We can encourage one another through and try not to let it pull us under the table. I TELL my kids to nag me about not drinking coffee and drinking enough water etc. I suppose they can feel some satisfaction in that their poor mother needs all the help she can get. Besides these little health bumps I can hardly complain but feel pretty sheepish for my inability to pass up chocolate and my quick dash to the coffee maker upon falling asleep in mid-afternoon. Sigh.

We are off on a family bike ride this evening so I suppose my blood pressure will be in check for another day. Feel free, like I said to nag or encourage me in this regard.

Remembering Redeemer

2009-08-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

I've been in contact the last few weeks between Anna's graduation and a few other instances, with people from our old church. The hardest thing for me to do when we left was to leave the people we loved. My kids had so many grandparents and I had so many people who just watched out for me that was most certainly hard to say goodbye and I am sure it was confusing to them. I was expecting my seventh child at the time. Well one of the grandmas called again recently. She has actually called a few times this summer. The first time she called to share with me that her daughter's youngest child got married. This might seem a little out of the blue as lots of people's grandchildren get married but Carly was special to the Horners and especially special to Charley as when she was a toddler Charley just stared at her sweeetness and thus......we had Anna. Carly's grandma knew that as of course Charley had to tell her over and over how cute Carly was and how badly he wanted a little girl of his own. Well, now Carly is married and her grandma was sweet to remember that.

Anna plays the organ the last Sunday before she goes at Redeemer and at first she seemed regretful as she loves Emmaus (there is a Divine Service on Monday though :o)) but then she remembered all her 'grandparents' at Redeemer who still love her and are proud of her and stop us on the street to tell us how much we mean to them. Sigh. This part is still hard. It is not wrong that we switched but we lost contact with a lot of Grandparents as a result. There were many members who did offer to lend a hand to make sure I got a break or whatever. Needing a break is not quite as critical as it was as my oldest kids are pretty reliable. I still am not able to just go to events such as last weeks conference very easily as I hate burdening my older kids with the little kids so that I can 'go have fun or soak up a seminar.' This will not change for quite a while I have no doubt. My leaving the home with older kids and the baby is also not always the best as my dear husband appreciates me being home for a reason.......he does get a little overwhelmed and my vocation is not his vocation so it is still not 'simple' to just leave. This can be sort of frustrating. I think I leave some sort of impression on people that I can just handle life all the time but I frankly am not that good at it all the time. I want my older kids to gain the benefit of the social times with other like minded people but am torn by the burden at home and the inevitable neglect of my little people. Too bad there isn't a train like Hogwarts has to transport them where they need to go. I am not sure if there is a Marshall retreat this year so haven't even started agaonizing over that but maybe I can figure out something. Boy.....that got a little off topic. The funny thing and good thing about Emmaus is that we are not the freaks with tons of kids as there are many large families. We don't stand out as people who might need help. There is no easy solution to that except to perhaps ask around and see if there are other families who might need help when it comes to these special events. I still will struggle with not always going with but I am also struggling with my own kids puppy eyes when they wish they could go too.

Ingrid gets a dress

2009-08-11T05:08:00.000-07:00

Ingrid now belongs to the privaleged group who possess a dress made by Anna. It is adorable. I will have to wait till she has eaten her breakfast to put it on her. Of course I will also have to put a picture up. She is not old enough to appreciate this incredible event but we will have to preserve the memory for her so some day she will look back and know her oldest sister remembered her little self.

Now the sewer is stubbornly not getting up even though her two year old brother is in her room 'shooting' her and yelling boom, boom, boom......such a boy. I bet he won't get a dress. It is Tuesday morning and time to get ready for piano lessons X4. I hope to get a quick pool trip in this afternoon plus more cleaning of my disastor room and mount laundry.

Speaking of cleaning my room. I mentioned to mother yesterday that I was cleaning my room and she said it sounded like I was a kid. "What did you do today Karin" asked the mom. "I cleaned my room Mom." Ah, just like old times right? My room is better known as 'where to dump stuff when you don't know what to do with it' room.

Piano is going well. Matthew has proudly memorized his piano piece and I can tell is truly paying attention to what is needed. Yay! Cecilia has quite the knack for paying attention to what is asked as well. Anna is winding down her piano lesson career before leaving in two weeks. She will spend her last morning in South Bend at piano lessons. Martin is plugging away at his lessons as well. In my data base I must remember to push the boy to actually learn his notes better than he knows them now. It has been nice actually to hear people playing scales. Who knew that would be something to be enjoyed. I remember playing horn scales ad nauseam (spelling?). I am not sure my parents enjoyed that. Which reminds me. I need to find space in my impossible fall schedule to practice the horn so I can play in church again.

Off to the races!

What's new

2009-08-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

Last week we had the pleasure of having Lydia with us for most of the week. It was very nice to have another older girl around. I hope she didn't think we were too loud as she is nice and quiet. We spent a lot of time at the pool and then took a wonderful trip to Evanston, IL for some fabric shopping, consignment store gazing, and book shopping. I only bought one book about cathedrals in Europe. It explains all the different features and the history. Since I have been to several of them it looked interesting to me. We are also studying the Middle Ages and Renaissance this year so perhaps I can sound like I know what I am talking about when we talk about Cathedrals. I studied them a little in college in an art history class and enjoyed it then so maybe that will help too.

I really don't know what all else to write about. Anna has been sewing like crazy and I have been trying to stay awake. I think I am addicted to caffeine again which is a bad thing so will have to work towards weaning myself off again. Ugh. My cute little health issues all point towards NOT drinking caffeine. It took quite a while to get off of it the last time so MAYBE I can succeed a little faster this time. My allergies make me fall asleep in a chair too.

School is just a few weeks away and I think I have everything figured out and just need to place my school order. I need to get on that SOON or I won't have what I need in time. I think I am getting ready mentally to tackle school again. I just hate accepting the fact that summer is almost over and feel like I did not soak in enough happy rays to help carry me through my winter blahs. I hope to keep biking as long as possible and have the clothes to help get me through for quite awhile.

I need to hunt down some boxes for the Anna dear tomorrow. I am not sure where to find any. There is always the liquor store I suppose.

Well, this is not a very exciting post as per usual but will push post anyway.

List too long

2009-08-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

In the next two weeks I have a ton to do. My allergies are leaving me pretty tired and the day to day mess that ten people create is not staying clean. I don't know where to begin but then I also don't want to just work, work, work. The pool closes in three weeks and then I know that I will have to stop having fun and get back to the business of school. On my current list I have honey extraction, tomatoes to harvest and put up, house/laundry to keep up on, cooking so we don't spend money on the easy stuff, lawn mowing with a mower that doesn't like to work, school plans, school order, potty training the two year old, helping dh with his goals and aspirations, (fun when I can have it), helping Anna with whatever she needs to get ready to go, camping to prepare for, and, and, and......oh yes, daily nagging about math, piano practicing, dishes.....and, and......

Ok, this is why I haven't been blogging. My mind is on some other things which I don't have time to think about and have to fit that sort of thing into getting everything else done.

Oh.....I have been thinking or remembering when Zach left for school and what exciting things he did before he left for school. What I can remember is that he did not party but rather helped his mother and felt a little guilty to leave her. Dear Anna is helping me too and feeling a little guilty to leave me. I think she should give him a call to have an understanding ear hear those anxieties. We will be alright and move on with what we are given to do here. I do not want dd to feel guilt as I am sure Zach's mom did not want him to feel guilt either. So.....that has been on my mind too as we drown a little here in the mess and then the heat and allergies fight fiercely against us getting anything done.

Where did she learn that from?

2009-08-06T04:12:00.001-07:00

Anna is such a good girl. To attempt to make a long story short she has been in contact with her roommate for the fall and for awhile we were getting a little concerned as to whether this would work. There was a lot of facebooking and a few texts and the responses at least on our end were leaving us perplexed. So.......I suggested she call her and talk to her and give up on the Internet communication. Phew. What was scaring us to some degree, with a little phone communication has now left Anna concluding that her roommate to be must be feeling a little anxious and nervous and just has a need to make sure all the bases are covered before she leaves home. Those people who know us well, know that we feel like we are doing fantastic if we know there is something to eat for breakfast but worrying about how to decorate her dorm wall outside of the crucifix was not heavy on Anna dear's mind. It was the worrying that was worrying us. We are SO not worried. Perhaps we should worry more but there isn't any time left to work harder on worrying since my chief worry lately involves getting my 'naked boy' Stefan to figure out how to keep underwear dry. I need to find him a longer shirt so he has a more modest attire. :o) Internet communication is so VERY confusing. I am sure people used to feel the same way about the phone. Both parties have been most respectful to the other and I now feel things will most likely work. What I wonder where she learned that from, is she is pretty good at putting the best construction on the situation and not as prone to panicking as her dear mom who was a little freaked out by the Internet conversing. Phew. Thank you Lord that she figured that out and most likely not from my shining example. :o)

Time to go be responsible.

Trivial Pursuit - a different sort of assessment

2009-08-03T05:01:00.001-07:00

I actually like this game. I remember beating my trivial fact expert dad once because I knew that Captain Kangaroo had bangs. That was a moment of triumph. He truly is Mr. Trivia. Anyway, I picked up a version which has both kid and adult questions and we played on Saturday night. That was a scary experience. My dear children of ALL ages do lack a certain knowledge that you can only get from watching TV. It is a puzzle to me if it is really worth having the kids watch the news etc. and the news obsessed relatives will nod their head knowingly that I 'should' have them do this. We haven't missed it so far and read the newspaper which certainly can't be better than the TV but it can't be worse either. Sports and weather terms seem to be lacking in their knowledge bin. What an odd assessment of their abilities as my eyes rolled back in my head at their strained brains over sports and weather questions. Sigh. So they need to go to Grandma's more often to watch baseball and football etc. "What ball has fake seams?" Older child did not know. Ugh. "What is another name for cyclone or tropical storm?" - hurricane. Younger and some older children did not know. I think we need to play some more to see what else is lacking.

Biking

2009-08-02T16:55:00.001-07:00

We took a little family bike ride this afternoon and actually made it about fourteen miles. That was especially amazing for Cecilia who has a single gear bike and made it the whole way. I did alright dragging Ingrid behind and she did fine as well. We never made it to the pool but at least we know we can bike. We might shoot up to Michigan next weekend and bike between a few wineries. I've wanted to do that for a long time. We'll see.

Tomorrow I am going to Ft. Wayne to pick up one of Anna's friends for a few days. We are hoping to finally make the Vogue fabrics trip on Thursday.

Our neighbor Jim, of Jim store fame, finally accepted our dinner invitation and is right now talking Charley's ear off outside. I am glad. He is a very nice fellow. His whole family are great to have as neighbors and have been especially good to us. We keep him entertained I have no doubt.

Experiment

2009-07-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

I think I might try a little experiment out on the family. Perhaps I will wake up tomorrow morning and not ask anyone to do anything and see what happens. I will greet them with a cheery smile and inquire as to whether they are well. I was thinking about squeezing in a trip to the pool by myself though and pick up some of that tanning stuff on the way there, sweat and watch the sweat pool up on my arms while baking. I have not done that in probably twenty years. That just sounds like fun to me. It would be curious, although I would have to ask someone to watch the children, to see what would happen and if they would even notice. I did ask Charley this evening if he were interested in us all going out to chop wood after he got done eating. He looked at me oddly. Benjamin looked a little scared. Benjamin is so very cute though that I probably shouldn't scare him like that. I think I will go discuss this plan with Charley. I do have to take Erik to math tutoring in the morning so he will at least have to get in the van. Hmmmm.....

Anna packing

2009-07-29T05:03:00.000-07:00

Just to keep everyone up to date on this depressing subject. Ok, it is not entirely depressing and I am happy for her. I must have done a few things right as she has taken it upon herself to clean out most of her 'stuff' that is her girl stuff so that Ingrid will have a room to share with her sister Cecilia soon. She does all this of her own fruition and it was nothing I even suggested. The conversation with most friends is even trying to remember this process from when we went 'away' to college. I put that in quotes seeing as I could have walked home from college if I had wanted to. I kept that under my hat as much as possible and mainly joked with my roommate about the long drive home. There have been many humorous conversations about this topic from people whose mommies did the whole packing thing complete with stacks of new underwear and socks to 'I didn't want my mom to come near my stuff' packing scenario. I do not think Anna falls into that category but she is definitely mature enough to handle this. I do occasionally mention for her to mention to me if she would like new tennis shoes with better arch support or does she want particular soap etc. Her response to the shoes question (this morning at a little past twelve) was "No mom. I do not want to wear clunky tennis shoes with my dresses" and "I saw plenty of clunky shoes at HT and I am not interested." Ok, daughter dear.

I need to get a few containers for her to label and put in the 'nightmare' storage building. My stomach gets occasionally tied in knots through this process and I will try not to make everyone nuts dwelling on that but......I can't help it. We are partying up the last few weeks here. Yesterday she was craving corn pops which her grandma donated on occasion after sleepovers so I picked some up for her along with a bottle of Dr. Pepper which she also mentioned. I don't want to be accused of never getting her anything fun.

The 'guest room' is done and I will continue to look for ways to make that room comfy and inviting. Anna will be our 'guest' come holidays and breaks. That is such an odd and scary thought. I better go chug some more coffee and perhaps hill up some corn or something to calm myself. It's ok.....it will be ok......I am still excited for her.

Nice visit with Charley's parents

2009-07-22T19:16:00.000-07:00

It has been fun to see Charley's dad having a good time wandering around the ten acres and basically having a nice time. Charley has worked on several car issues while his dad hung around watching him, clearly interested in what his son was doing. His mom has been most helpful in a quiet sort of way and has expressed her frustration that she wishes she could help more and doesn't know how I manage all the kids etc. She too has settled in, found a good book, enjoyed some nice meals and had fun talking with the kids.

We went to Shipshewana today and had an enjoyable time going to their favorite stores and looking for the odd little things one finds in Shipshewana to add to our kitchen gadget collections. We had our traditional ice cream at Wana-cup and they were both impressed that two year old Stefan did not spill a drop of ice cream on himself. Stefan chattered the whole time about all the horseys and wouldn't let a horse go by without my acknowledging he saw one.

Evenings have been relaxed and Charley's mom even expressed her surprise of how well his dad was feeling and doing during their visit. His dad is quite the character and I don't really mind his quirks too much. I would not want to depend on him to get me to the hospital on time if that were ever needed but......when all is said and done, it is possible to work within his 'system'. For an almost 83 year man with normal old age aches and pains he seems to be doing quite well with just a little help from a cane when needed. I am happy he has had a chance to just roam around freely.

I hope the kids will be able to remember these times as they are not often enough. We have a few more days left and hopefully they will be able to come again soon.

Urban Sprawl

2009-07-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

Quietly the land near our home has been sold to a developer who specializes in apartment complexes. I have only had a few hours to process this and already feel like packing, selling off lots of stuff and moving. I fought the good fight against a truck depot six years ago and won but am doubtful I can win this one. If they put in nice condos that would be different and I would be fine with that but.....apartments. Sigh. I am exhausted basically and my dear husband wonders if I will be checking into the mental hospital but am trying to pull myself together and not despair. I am not putting moving out of the realm of possibilities as we will have to live with the apartment mess the rest of our lives. Why we can not just be satisfied with the housing that is available is beyond me. Fix up what we have people!!!!! There are plenty of homes that could be torn down or rehabbed and used and not left for the rats and other rodents to degrade the city. Breathe.....breathe......Lord have mercy. In the end I hope my children find a nice place for me in the country side, safe from urban sprawl to plant me someday. I am just being silly here but I drive by these cemetaries in the country that are way out, surrounded by trees and farm fields and figure they would be great to take a rest in. Yes, I am a bit odd. There is a great cemetary on top of the hill in Pennsylvania that would be fantastic too but of course I won't give a hoot or a hollar at that point. It's a nice walk at any rate and the kids might enjoy the fresh air. :o) I will try to keep my humor but a rest sounds nice.

Karinschickens

Too busy

Haven't blogged in awhile

Cecilia's Bday

For the Record

What we're doing right

Seasons of Life

Love my Literature program

Knew that would happen

Band

Thanks Glenda

More processing what my problem is

Shouldn't be so negative

How to not feel overwhelmed........

Little girls

Homeschooling

New Year

Got the cold

Not feeling like doing anything

Confused

Post Christmas exhaustion

Silly things I've learned this year

Merry Christmas!

Need more keys

Christmas cards

Confession: I listen to a "Christian" radio station in the mornings. Discussion: This morning they wanted to talk about the "year-in-review" letters that some folks include in their Christmas cards.

Mittens

That last post was.........

Picking up Anna and more

Books, the library and me

Stupid computer

Muddling

Might repost

Resisting impulse purchase

Another reason I love to bike

Trip to PA

Walking by it

Long but good day

Various things including today

Sandhill crane day

Marching Orders and relating to our children

Silly thoughts

Cat skeletons in trees

Can't blame it on dial-up anymore

Little Fefan

Noise and the dad

What else is there to talk about

Restless

Karin the mess

No land phone

Home for a few days

It is DONE

Alone time and sleep

Almost done and cooking from scratch

Squash Mobile

Brain still not working

Long but productive week

Not done yet

Mom observation

Sicko update

Spoke too soon

Biking

The Hermitage

Sickos again

Made lemonade

Rats

Also losing my marbles

Forgot what day it was

The Vestment Cabinet

Figured out why I am hyper

All in a day's work

Experiment....again

Increased piety

A visit with Anna

Trouble in the land of socks

Through Stefan's eyes

Nice day at historical festival

Am I irrational?

When do you become a mother?

Doing the next thing