All in a day's work

I feel like we have hit a groove here at the Horner household. The husband is hyper-actively working on finishing the vestment cabinet. This is huge as the job is DAUNTING to say the least. He is doing a beautiful job and we push to the finish line. The sheer number of pieces in this thing is unbelievable so I have no doubt it will look amazing in the end. It is quite large or will be when it is put together so perhaps we should have a tea party inside it before it is moved to it's final resting place..........the sacristy. I hope the vestments can hold on (hold up?) as they have been patiently waiting for a more secure home. Enthused smiles at his long in coming push to finish this thing are always appreciated but of course can not be expected. Ok........I can and will keep up the encouragement in this department because this project certainly is not a 'published' project but has equal amazing qualities that perhaps can only be appreciated by the down to earth type of person. He has gone every day from his day job (which we are glad there still is one) to coming home without eating and working through the evening till 9 and 10 o'clock to get this done. And I thought I was the energizer bunny lately.

The rest of the household has been figuring out how to take their education a little more seriously. Ok, a lot more seriously........... I feel like a drill sergeant in many ways, holding them accountable to trying to keep up with the amazing reappearing clutter, the amazing amount of dishes produced and then on top of all that keeping up with stepping up the expectations for their schooling. The kids were grounded from tv as there was consistent neglect of their school work and certainly no serious consideration taken of the fact that they were falling behind in many subjects or not doing them at all. I might even up the ante and make it a month from when they catch up in some subjects. The younger ones tried to trick me (not really intentionally) as they 'forgot' they had been grounded from tv and called me while I was out playing with bees to ask if they could watch a movie. Not only did they forget but I did too! I said yes initially and then my brain engaged and remembered the tv ban and called them back. They were in disbelief!!!!! What????? Why????? Goes to show you how seriously they take what I say. Hard nosed Horner rears her ugly head. There has been progress though and they are clearly working hard but some still struggle with follow through with the subjects they struggle with. I guess we all do that don't we. I struggle with eating fruits/veges and drinking enough water and do you think I follow through?????? Not. Perhaps they should ground me from chips and salsa and chocolate in the check out line. I am so weak.

Tomatoes are on my docket this weekend as most of the family is disappearing for this and that. We (I) need to become a tomato processing machine. I would love to fill the shelves to reduce the grocery bill and improve meals as long as possible. The mere thought of chili with home canned tomatoes makes me drool.

Ok, need to go attack this day and continue to help THEM work on self-discipline. I suppose I could try and eat some broccoli to console them.

Experiment....again

Different experiment this time. So my dear husband's job after 23 years is somewhat in question. No one knows for sure what is happening and no one then can tell us what to expect etc. The only 'plan' that Charley and I have come up with is to figure out what it really takes to make it from month to month financially. So we are running a little experiment and it is pretty interesting. Duh. We are seeing what it really takes to make it from month to month by living as if we are making A LOT less. Our goals basically have been to not decrease our giving, not eat poorly, take stock in what we really need and not go the route of 'gosh that is a cute little outfit for cute little so and so' but........hmmmmm.........there are plenty of cute 'vintage' stuff in containers to put on that cute little hiney so restrain yourself.

Generosity is not being discounted and that is not to say we are proud of that but we don't want to forget our neighbors in our experiment. I guess it really isn't an experiment but a reality as the job truly is in HIGH question. The rant with the kids is to at least attempt to think about taking care of their stuff so it doesn't break and have the 'money grows on trees, we will just buy a new one' mentality.

Food issues in the past have been that what is brought home from the store really is to last the week and not eaten in a few days and start looking for more. I'm more motivated to keep up on the granola making in light of the expense of store bought cereal that results in soon hungry kids anyway. I can not say I am making myself crazy with this either. I am simply trying to be more conscientious about planning meals so there are not further science experiments in the fridge which would just frustrate me and especially the dear husband who sees money being thrown in the garbage for the sake of oversight and poor planning.

I sound like a rich brat I suppose as yes, in retrospect I have been concerned about these things but not to the point of really wondering how many paychecks are left. Charley does have some alternative possibilities in mind if the job went belly up so that is good. The Lord has not failed to provide for us yet and I suppose both of us growing up on definite budgets makes all this less painful. Life does not have to be really expensive with a little planning and ingenuity.

I don't believe in taking too much stock in coincidence or God sending me booming messages but sappy example of His provision is little Stefan needed shoes which I was not finding in the shoe resource bin to fit his little feet and I did look at some 'cheap' options for his little feet at the store one day. Passing them up and coming home hoping to look again in the store house, Charley came home with a bag of clothes from a friend in Ohio. Inside the bag were the exact size shoes Stefan needed and they were Clarks! Clarks for my almost three year old. Aren't we happening parents???? So I am thankful and duh, these things will work out.

I think the kids are thinking about all of this but per a few comments yesterday, I do need to chat with them about not lying awake at night wondering what is going to happen to us etc. I don't want any of them worrying. I suppose it is nice that they are considering their choices but I also think I have not talked to them enough about how much or little they need to process all this. God daily and richly provides all we need to support this body and life. This IS most certainly true. He never failed to provide for either Charley or my family growing up and neither of us lived a posh life by any stretch of the imagination. Oh........there is a blog post that has been in the making for a long time. Stay tuned.........pastor's kid/brat - professor's kid/brat - growing up and my view of the world and the world's seeming view of me. I will have to get up early again tomorrow.

Increased piety

I have been reminiscing about when I was at Valpo and going to daily chapel. There was a group of us who hung together and went every day. Well, when I met Charley he suddenly became a more regular attendee to daily chapel. I don't know that he never went before but he suddenly was there very frequently. True, he happened to be friends with a lot of my friends and even roomed with one the year before. Just an aside story, when Charley first arrived on campus his freshman year, his mother made contact the dorm chaplain...........Rev. LeRoy Martinson, and asked that he made sure her son made it to church. So imagine their shock when the dorm chaplain's daughter became the girl their son intended to marry. Small campus.......I guess you could also say that the dorm chaplain did make sure their son attended church but perhaps not for very pious reasons.

So, there are a few boys who are becoming more regular in their attendance at Indiana University. It will be interesting to see if the Baptist boy shows up on Sunday. I am sure there are many boys who become more pious depending on when their hearts go pitter pat. I think my daughter aspires to young men who have been pious all along but we shall see. She is definitely not interested in going pitter pat at all herself right now but how to sort out how to help the young men stop asking her out and just be content to hang out in a group. The trials my beautiful young daughter is going through. Such problems.........










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A visit with Anna

So I actually saw my daughter this evening...in person. Phew. That was so very nice. I drank her in and tried not to crash while driving. It was so very good to see her face. I talk to her a lot on the phone but it is just different to be in her presence. I must say it was a lot like watching a movie as it doesn't seem real to me that I was actually with her. Cecilia is spending the night with her which I am very glad. A week ago I was not sure as the activities of the dorm kids are uh.........questionable. But her room is very nice and is really a double room so Cecilia has her own space and they will be able to go to breakfast and hang out tonight and tomorrow. Wish I were there.

Anna has certainly become a part of the life of IU. Not in the party way but the academic way. She is very busy and very tired but still seems to be soaking it all in. I think a night to sleep in would be a good thing. I still find it very odd that now that I have seen her she will not be coming home with me. I hope I can handle that hole when I drive away on Sunday. We will paint the town red tomorrow and I will continue to stare without making her uncomfortable.

In the crib across the room is Ingrid. She is quietly sleeping in all her sweetness. I am staring at her too.

At home unfortunately Benjamin is having another asthma attack and Charley is discovering his breathing treatment thingy does not seem to work or we don't know what we are doing. Thankfully Charley feels confident to handle it tomorrow and get it fixed. Thank you Charley.

Trouble in the land of socks

Socks need to be our mission right now but I am having trouble fitting that in between dishes and clothes that might be tempted to start molding if they are not washed. We are in sock crisis. Last night we were running a completely crazy schedule and were home only long enough to cram some food in our mouths, get dressed for church and run out the door. Benjamin is learning more about this drill (finally) and obediently went to his room to get dressed for church. I always forget everything about Benjamin and his clothes seeing as his room is so far away and his roommate lives in the yard in a tent. The poor boy lacks foresight on most things. Well, he does seem to get now that his mother wants him in a relatively clean shirt, khaki type pants and dress shoes with black socks. There was wailing that came from upstairs and I went to see what was the latest problem. Benjamin was sobbing on the stairs as he not only did not have black socks, he didn't have ANY socks! Black dress shoes in hand and otherwise completely dressed, his mother looked at him contemplating how we were already late to choir practice and told the boy, "If Pastor Grobien can go to church with no socks and dress shoes, so can you. Get in the van." He sported his amused, confused Benjamin face and ran out the door to the van. It was in the upper 70's after all................

Today..........sock sorting..........not sure if men have no sock rules for summer/fall as the women have no white shoes rule after Labor Day..........I love deep thinking.

Through Stefan's eyes

Stefan is now almost three and when he is not screaming, can really be quite the little charmer. He does scream though. He has three basic things that seem to keep him happiest which should come as no surprise. First, his tummy needs to have a steady supply of food. Second, watch out if he gets too tired AND does not have much in his tummy - there is not eating coming from that boy then. Third, he loves to be talked to like he is a big person. When his little face does not get the amount of attention that he deems necessary, he is not a happy camper. It is most helpful to ask him very serious questions about his little life and he responds very seriously and seems to say with his eyes, "thanks for talking to me with a little respect mom and not like a fly on the wall that needs to be gotten out of the way since I am just a two year old." Obviously this is not any one's goal with two year olds, but seriously, I don't know too many people who really take the time to talk to them in any serious fashion. I do this with kids in public who look at me and start jabbering at me. I DON"T talk to the parents, but talk to them responding to their cherub chattering. Perhaps their parents think I am nuts and I can get away with chattering with them as I am a mom but...again.......why don't we talk to kids like they have brains in their heads? Stefan certainly does. He IS hard to deal with when he is tired but just like a grown up, do we expect grown ups to always be chipper when they are tired. I don't think we do. I think we are far more understanding and accommodating with a tired adult then a tired child. As adults we might think of an adult "get to bed and get some sleep. You will feel better." and with kids we can be basically, honestly annoyed that they can't hold it together when they are tired. Perhaps they just need more naps or something. Oh, I am rambling again but little Stefan (or Fefan as he is sometimes called) has had somewhat of a challenging life with all his eczema, which seems to rearing it's head some again, and I suppose I am just musing on how best to work with this little boy and what he is able to tolerate.

Other little boys I know also can be a little on the, how shall we say, active and opinionated side, like my Fefan and I must say they too can be quite charming when spoken too as if they are big people. I really think they think they are big people. Their siblings are so why aren't they???? Makes sense to me.

From Fefan's eyes, he sees a world he wants to be a part of and I guess I have been enjoying (when he isn't screaming) being a part of it with him. He is a cutie. Those big brown eyes will certainly catch someones attention someday. :o) They catch mine. The overbite is pretty cute too............

Nice day at historical festival

I don't know what else to call it but I guess it is called the 'Trail of Courage' festival. We also saw that some call it the Trail of Death. It is a festival that has all sorts of reenacters and then of course many booths selling 'old fashion' stuff to tempt us. LaRena and I with I think....12 kids in tow headed off this morning and LaRena literally closed the place down. I am not surprised by this. I was a little tired after hauling Ingrid around on my back for six hours so I headed home thinking LaRena was close behind. She had stopped at the main building and talked to the people in charge about how things are set up there etc. I sort of wish the kids had the chance to see what was in that building but perhaps next year if we do this again. Both LaRena and I have driven by this museum and said every year that we should really go to that sometime........so we did!

I do wish they had some more variety in the actual reenactors but I suppose for a local event it was really well done and very well attended. They had quiet a few performers, few who had anything to do with the time and people involved in the Trail of Courage but well worth watching . There was a group of bag pipe players who had a young boy who was very good. I was impressed. I enjoyed watching the dancers.

I saw a few people I hadn't seen in a long time which was nice too. LaRena made the comment that we could have the Horner festival and have Erik do blacksmithing and antique tools demonstrations, Anna spin and weave, Matthew could help with beekeeping and he could probably do some pioneer cooking as he is my chef, I could play my dulcimer, and Charley could have a booth where people could chop wood and get to throw it in bins. Doesn't this sound like fun. LaRena could join in with an herb garden and vegetable garden and have it all pristinely weeded and sell dried flowers and herb packets. Perhaps Martin could use his artistic abilities to learn how to decorate gourds. We shall see if we ever do this. We could put it all in one big booth at that festival or arrange our yard into a museum........doubt it.

So that was today. It was all very good and I am glad we finally did it. We can scratch off our list one more thing that we said we should do someday.

Am I irrational?

I don't think my last post was irrational and no one has said that seeing as it has only been there a few hours. But........I was certainly having a moment last night and I have no doubt other 'moments' will come. I don't think it is OK either to never say anything about this topic especially from the mom's perspective. I know plenty of mom's of many and I have no doubt this topic has rumbled through their minds especially those who are of similar age and older. I have not 'given up hope' but am a little more on the humble side now and not the assuming side.

There's no time to belabor this one so for those who have no love of such musings, there are some feelings that run deep and I would rather talk about THOSE things then just wander around bottling that up. For the record I am in in good mood and ready to go on to the next thing and do what God has given me to do now. It will all be good. Perhaps now I will not inwardly groan when the Bible talks about these older women having babies thinking I will be having babies till I am 50 and over. Ha! The joke WILL be on me if that were so. I do think I would love to talk to other moms who are in the midst and beyond this step. I talked pretty frequently with a mom at the pool this summer who had ten kids and the youngest was three. She was 41 I believe and there had not been any further babies. Interesting. It is all very interesting.

When do you become a mother?

Is it when you have that first little one or is it when you realize you may not have another. Do I look at my children differently when I see them with fresh eyes wondering if Ingrid will be my last. The Lord is the author and giver of life and I am not in charge. I am sure there are many who would find this post crazy but it is my life given to me by my Lord and it is how I feel.

As each child has come and was expected there was always the fear of what people might say or think. There was some fear of being evaluated or criticized. Then I got older and didn't care quite as much. Now I am older still and just wonder. I also know many who would say that Ingrid is only one years old and why am I even thinking about this but I am almost 43 and well........I ain't very young anymore. Time is passing and this may seem too personal for a blog post but again I don't think I care. My brain is beginning to process that 43 is 43 and the time is coming shortly when is VERY possible Ingrid might be it. Ironically I think now everyone is so used to another Horner baby that they actually ARE expecting we will be expecting but......I am having my doubts. Don't panic Karin. It may or may not be true but that does not prevent my brain from processing and my heart from looking at the children I have afresh and see them growing up quickly and one already on her own. I miss her and I miss the older ones already as I know it will not be very long before my household will shrink some more. Sigh. Seven seems small. I will try to appreciate every moment and I will also give it a good try to be patient and accepting of whatever life holds for me. Yes, this is probably too personal but I guess I would like people to know that this is hard for me. Harder than I thought it might be. If I do end up expecting again I certainly would not want anyone to poo poo my thoughts as there is no denying that this aspect of motherhood is near the end if it hasn't already ended. So I look at my children, especially the little ones with new eyes and perhaps now I am becoming a grown up and will do different things in life besides changing diapers and spoon feeding little people. Only the author and giver of life knows. I have already begun looking at newborns a little differently too wondering if that will be me again holding a newborn. Maybe being 43 is just the time when all this hits. Maybe I have just always loved having a baby to take care of and took that for granted. Maybe I shouldn't have watched one of Anna and my favorite movies and pined away for her too much this evening. Who knows. So I guess I became a new sort of mother today with different vision. Sorry is this was too sappy for you all. I guess..........I just love my kids and thank God for each and every one of them. Being a mother is just what God has given me to do and I am thankful for that too.

Doing the next thing

Today was the model for just doing the next thing. The morning began very slowly. I was supposed to be at our homeschooling co-op friends home at 10:30 and it did not look like I was going to make it. The kids and I actually slept, as this is GREAT sleeping weather, till almost 8:00. Some of them slept beyond 8:00. I didn't care. I made up some pancakes as Stefan ate most of the granola yesterday. He was hungry. The kids were pleasantly surprised. They had worked very hard the last few days between school work and tomatoes so it seemed like the right thing to do vs. the oatmeal drill.

At co-op I just put each group through their paces and didn't spend any more or any less time on any subject then was necessary. Both groups are pretty easy to work with and really a pleasure to be with so that makes for a nice day. There are those who seem to still resist the concept of homework but I am trying to encourage them to do the next thing too. Seeing as both families have graduated kids who did not fail in life because of their habits in grade school, I guess I am not panicked.

Back at home, Martin and Cecilia made some more tomato sauce to go with the chili for Sunday afternoon at church. They are VERY good at this and seem to have this project down to a science. If only we had more time to get a little more done in that department but again, will accept what gets done as it gets done. I made a lot of chicken salad from yesterday's barbecue chicken for our outing tomorrow. I even squeezed in a bike ride to burn off some personal frustrations which don't involve anyone but me (so to speak) and I'm glad I did that, I might get some winter biking equipment so I can continue as long as the roads are dry. Sigh. I am getting faster so it does not take up as much time.

After the kids get done watching their silly movie, most of them are going to bed and Cecilia and I will make some more gingerbread from the "More with Less" cookbook. That is SO yummy. Cecilia helped make some for Anna yesterday for her care package. My family is shrinking but will try to make the most of it. OK......there I go having a moment again. Perhaps I will have to get a headlight so I can bike in the evening once it gets even darker, sooner. Sigh.

Matthew made yummy rolls (Cecilia made some yesterday!) and we should be all set tomorrow. We are finally going to this 'Trail of Courage' (I think that is what it is called) instead of continually driving by it and commenting how we should go some year. So.......I will try to blog about how that went tomorrow. It should be good.

Bemused

I keep hearing people say things to me about how amazed they are by how much I get done around here. I wish I had high speed so I could post pictures of how much we don't get done around here. There are many a day, which most people I know can relate to, where I lay great plans and then as hard as I try, I am sidetracked, waylaid (spelling?) or perhaps even the phone rings endlessly and I just don't get much done. I do not like attempting to get much else done but school during the week as that will ensure that school wouldn't happen. Anytime I think I can squeeze in some ironing or extra laundry then homework, piano practicing, math drill etc. just doesn't happen. My lawn mower hates me lately and even trying to get to giving the lawn a hair cut doesn't work as the dumb thing doesn't want to start or keep running for me if it does start. Prior to mowing the lawn I usually have wasted time looking for my scruds, making sure the little people are taken care of, everyone is busy and not killing each other, and then.........I go to the mower and rrrr.rrrrr......rrrrr........rrrrrrr.........nothing. So goes another day of accomplishments.

I am blessed with children who know how to can tomatoes though. That is a huge help as I am certain I would not get to that at all otherwise. There is nothing more exciting and perhaps therapeutic to them than to smash tomatoes down through the strainer and watching the auger has its way with them. The thrill is starting to wear off as we are nearing 50 quarts. They made at least 20 quarts today with a big vat of salsa to boot.

So.........I guess it is the kids who get a lot done and I spin my wheels between diaper changes, laundry reboots, and trying not steal a nap when my bed is calling to me. I do not get a lot done. I think I used to. I suppose I do still cook and stare at the miss-matched socks when the kids come downstairs barefoot for church complaining they don't have any.

Just bemused I am...........

Sunday morning happenings

Friday evening I biked the boys about three and a half miles south of us to their camp area. That is Z.B. Falcons to the locals. We put their gear in the Burley behind my bike and off we went. I suggested to the boys that they could bike home Sunday morning (they didn't hear this I don't think) and rode back home a lot lighter. Their Scout Master looked a little surprised to see me there with the boys.

On Saturday I was contemplating Martin's ability to remember to stay on the side of the road and decided to bike down Sunday morning and ride them home. It is pitch dark til a little after 7:00 now so I left with Burley in tow and headed south. Martin was to be acolyte so I needed to make sure we got home in time to clean up and leave. It was cold and VERY quiet. I loved it. Zipping down the roads with not even the birds up chirping, brain able to contemplate stuff, while wondering if I should have worn a jacket, is incredible. It got brighter and brighter and the noise did not increase too much and there was NO traffic. Perhaps it was just too early on a Sunday morning for anyone to be up but I must say it was kind of nice.

I got to their camp ground to discover they didn't know what time it was and weren't sure how they were getting home. They were a little surprised to discover we were hitting the road and leaving for home immediately. One scout tried to suggest that Matthew load their tent in the Burley with the rest of their gear for me to haul home too but I sort of laughed and said that wasn't happening.

Hauling their gear back was a lot easier than going there. It was colder going back. I am slowly getting back into shape and happily report that I have carved off 25 since March. Wow. I don't want to think about that too much. I am determined to keep biking through the fall and as long as I am able to. I would like to stay in shape if possible and not drift back too far in the other direction. It is sort of nice that none of my nicer clothes fit too well anymore and I am not going to do anything about that either. Fitted clothes are best but a little sag won't kill me. Skirts are the best for this condition. Sigh. At least I know weight loss is possible so that is reassuring.

We did get to church in plenty of time and the service, sermon, everything was divinely awesome (Anna thought I said awful on the phone......giggle). A great morning and maybe I will bike again next Sunday morning just because.

Thankful Charley does not travel so much anymore

I can't remember how long ago it was but Charley used to travel to Europe about once every two months for at least a week. Yes, he gained the miles and I gained the endurance to keep single parenting but it wasn't easy. I put up a good front I guess. Charley and Erik return tomorrow from Pennsylvania. They went to Charley's parents farm auction where all the rest of the stuff on the farm was sold. I haven't heard from him since the sale so I hope all went well. That is all a long story as to why he went at all but needless to say I missed him around here. Yikes. Erik is a huge help as well. Matthew and I crashed each evening and watched a movie together and ate some goodies. He too misses them as flying solo with the little people is a challenge. He watched both Stefan and Ingrid on Friday while I was at a funeral. Very tired young man by the time I returned.

We got a little bit done today but each day seems like such a struggle. I want to get a lot of tomatoes canned as there is nothing quite like it in winter cooking than my own canned stuff. The kids do most of the processing now but they will have homework to get done too so this may be a challenge. After the kids were all in bed I went into the kitchen and observed the fall out from the days endeavors. Wow. I have my work cut out for me but I could not help but see Stefan's little shoes deposited by the refrigerator, the smoshed tomato from Ingrid playing in the basket, toys randomly spread on the floor, and then to stop and think of how I will truly miss this someday. Who knows, that day may be sooner than I know, and my own inability to handle their busy little selves bumping around the house, does call me to repentance and I will at least be able to think endearing thoughts now, when all is quiet, of their sweet little faces while they muddle through the day too.

Sigh. I miss my Anna who calls me regularly. I thank God for His goodness to me in giving me such a wonderful daughter. She grew up fast and so will the rest of them. Hearing about the escapades of some of the other college kids around her, I am taken aback by all that I take for granted in my own children. I am SO glad I have perservered through the homeschooling and I know that we will all be closer as a result.

I should be reading right now and will have to find a lot of time to do so. I don't know where all this time will come from to read but so far so good I am at least on track with where we are in school.

Looking forward to the Divine Service tomorrow despite knowing Matthew and I will be juggling Stefan and Ingrid. Hope I have enough Cheerios and raisins...........

Missed Anna even before I talked to her

Matthew and I ended up watching a very modern take of King Arthur last night. It was.....different.........but full of lots of action for the guys to enjoy. I know Anna would be impressed that I actually stayed awake for a such a long movie but actually succeeded in doing so. Anyway, I was missing my Anna last night and little did I know at the time she had a somewhat stressful afternoon. I am happy for her on the one hand that the result of her stress will be she will get her single room but of course that won't happen without the additional stress of her roommate not understanding why Anna does not want boys in her room. The roommate also did not seem to understand that Anna wanted her own room right from the beginning but hopefully this isn't dwelled on and Anna's fears of everyone on the floor disliking her will not hold true. I am glad she has met A LOT of people as compared to her first few days on campus so I am sure that will help.

I was going to blog the other day on how glad I am that I homeschooled Anna as the discussion she overheard her roommate have with her parents was rather sad. I suppose it is the 'norm' for kids to not like or appreciate their parents but that is not the case with Anna or our family. I do not recall despising or feeling like my parents were losers when I was Anna's age. This is just sad. It was stated to Anna yesterday that she should not care what her parents think and that what they thought doesn't matter. Sigh. How can you not feel sad after hearing that?

Anyway, I am proud of my Anna and hope she does not receive too much flack for holding an opinion. The transfer process was actually not too hard to obtain as in the roommate agreement, Anna's roommate refused to abide by the 'no boys in the room' policy (I think that was an evening request???) so the RA in charge of this said they would have to make some room changes. It is what Anna wanted to begin with so I should be happy for her. I am. I just hate all the insinuation that Anna is being unreasonable. I'm glad she ended up having a pleasant evening afterward.

Sigh.

This is exhausting

I suppose in a few weeks it will be less exhausting but I am trying to get my school stuff organized while schooling. I sat down a few times (probably here with the baby) today and seem to have not stopped at all. I have hyper energy to keep working away at putting books where they need to go but will probably fall asleep with a book in my face. I am hopelessly disorganized right at the moment and find myself more than a little on the irritable side while trying to have the boys work on assignments, find and put away books, weed out books from last year and maybe fold a little laundry from camping in between. I suppose this is the same post as the last one. Not very exciting. I pretty much put off doing all of this in light of the rest of the summer, Anna getting ready to leave, partying with Anna and the kids, and hanging on to summer as long as I could. Sigh. Now I feel like going and reading a book that I wanted to get read over the summer but guilt may keep me from doing that. I am pretty far ahead on the required reading for my literature classes so that is good but there is also the preparation for my other classes. Ugh. To think I once considered doing this in a larger classroom setting. I have no clue how I would have kept up with that.

Ingrid, the tornado, is working as hard as she can to trash everything in her path. That is developmentally correct but perhaps a little maddening at the same time. At least she destroys stuff cheerfully. She does not seem to want to settle down for the night. Oh? Well maybe she has now changed her mind. Yippee! She is finally out for the night. Can you say energizer bunny? I knew you could.

Tomorrow I hope to continue to lay the ground work for the kiddos to figure out what in the world they are doing in their school work. Perhaps if it warms up enough I will take a few kids to the pool in the evening to soak in one last hurrah. I will miss the pool. Did we actually have summer this year????

I am hoping to not have nightmares tonight. Last night's were of the doozy variety with people yelling at me and it was WAY too real. It was only a dream. If looks could kill though I suppose it would have been reality considering who was in the dream. Will I ever let that go? Or.....just get over it????? Perhaps not.

I love talking to my Anna girl on the phone. She is doing fantastic. She is responsible, responsibly worried enough about whether she might not be being responsible, and basically settling in and figuring things out. You go girl daughter of mine!!!! She's the best. I am surprised people are not just beside themselves with grief that such a wonderful girl is not with them now but letting other people enjoy her wonderful presence in Bloomington. She is really quite amazing and comfortable odd and I love it.

Now back to my regularly scheduled program......zzzzzzzzz...............

Starting the new school year

Well, we are stumbling along but getting something done. I am very excited to implement the Literary Analysis program that I did a few years back with Anna. No offense to Anna but I would like to push these kids a little more to do a lot more with it. I see the reason behind the authors madness to write, write, write, in different forms and emphasis and perhaps I will even do it with them to get my brain working a little better as well. The program reminds me of the "This is Your Brain on Music" book in that he has them writing regularly and I have impressed on the kids that the more they write the easier it will be. I am excited for them.

There is the usual mayhem of the little people vying for my attention which can be a little heart breaking at times as there is only one of me. I am trying to get the kids so they can work a little more independently and not need so much explanation from me. Perhaps I will have more time for the little people then. Sigh. The older kids really should not need me to hold their hands too awfully much now so here's hoping this will work.

I am also slowly catching up on stinky laundry, camping mess and not be tempted to work only on that in light of school days tripping by. Yes, it is only day two but it seems like I can not waste a day. If my beginning is sloppy so goes the rest of the year. I am happy to be co-oping with another family again but do not want my days at home to just be recovery days from coop days.

I have also noticed that my blood pressure went WAY down over vacation. Interesting. I suppose if my life only comprised of taking little boys to the bathroom on their little tractors, donning their helmets for every trip down the road to the potty, then my blood pressure would stay down. I spent a couple hours one evening just cleaning up owies and bandaging them. (that was sort of yucky really). "Now kids, you really must keep these owies clean or they will get infected. Mommy does not always have time to chase after your wounds......" So goes that evening. Now I am home, chasing after appointments and bills and trying not to spend too much money on food and running around. "Where are Ingrid's winter clothes?" I ask frustrated by another thing to find. She grew and it feels like fall outside and, and, and.......calm down Karin dear.

Well, off to help Matthew in another gourmet meal from the galloping gourmet Matthew. Thank the Lord for help in the kitchen.

It took all summer

I dreaded yesterday all summer but it has come and gone and I survived. I am pleased with my 'plan' of having stayed there camping all week as we were able to go visit one afternoon and then to go to church with her on Sunday was awesome. It gave me a chance to see her settling in, dealing with the weird things that have happened and handling them and also to see her happy and excited about the new stuff in her life. She is genuinely happy and I am happy for her. I think it would have been a lot harder for me to just drop her off on Wednesday then go home. Charley got a chance to stomp around campus as well and he is very impressed with what he sees there. He takes note that the many opportunities at IU were just not available when we were at Valpo. I am not sure they are available now at Valpo.

I did my crying over the summer and I am sure I will have my moments especially at church but I think I am prepared to move on and we are having much fun chatting on the phone about all her adventures there. I could not be happier for her if I tried. I don't think I will talk less with her but actually more in many ways. It is hilarious to hear her observations and sort of live through her. I suppose many would say we are disgustingly close but I certainly would never deprive her the opportunities she is having there to just keep her close at home. If I disappear some weekend you will know where I am.

Now if only I had my school stuff more organized for the kids at home!!!! I am sort of exhausted from last week and know there are still tons of things to do around the house. Better get cracking.......

Last day

Today is the last full day at home with the Anna until Thanksgiving most likely. We had the most interesting time at Target looking for some storage containers to put her 'dresser' like stuff in. I am SO glad Charley is taking her and her stuff on Wednesday as he is all business and will be able to help with the roommate sharing aspect of her room. I did tell her that as far as her room went to just leave it a mess and I would take care of it when I found the time (hopefully before Thanksgiving). I must admit my chest sort of ached a few times today. It still does. I MUST keep the tear duct pipe in check. I will certainly miss her Anna self popping in and out of the house and probably most of all her Anna self not being at church will be most difficult. She has had the wonderful opportunity to play A LOT this past year. I guess I just expect her to be there playing. Sorry Sandy. I especially enjoyed forgetting she was playing and thinking to myself, "wow that was great" and then realizing it was Anna and not Sandy. It is her presence I suppose that will be missed the most. I know there are others who have made more long term goodbyes and they are in my prayers A LOT but I will still miss my daughter dear.

Need to go get ready for church.

Starting to feel nauseated and keeping busy

I took Anna out on another 'figure out what else we need to pick up' for school trip. We said we were getting her ready for first grade since last year we talked about her first day of kindergarten. She had a good year btw and even learned how to count and say her abc's in German well enough to test out of three semesters at IU! Not too shabby. Anyway, while we were out thinking hard about what else we were forgetting (already thought of something), we talked about her schedule and the fact that she most likely will not be back in South Bend till Thanksgiving. Sigh. I am sure I shouldn't even be writing about this and I have been doing my best to shove these thoughts to the back of my mind. I hope to go down in October, perhaps my birthday weekend (Matthew's bday too) to see her and spend a little time together as her schedule allows. She is organizing her clothes so I can easily put her winter clothes in the car to take down to her then.

She is my daughter and really my best friend outside of the hubby. We think out loud together and reprimand each other together, and are silly together, serious, working etc. together. She has been a very good daughter to me and I will miss her. I know she has a lot of growing up to do too but is confidently forging ahead. I am certainly THANKFUL for the Internet and cell phones in this case and know that we will still talk.

In the meantime, we will continue to have a nice time together and I am keeping busy with preparing for our vacation and school and finishing up what she needs for the fall. I will try not to puke as this comes to mind.

There have been some looks of pity come Anna's direction but really I do not pity her. She is excited and ready to learn and work towards her goals. I don't think that at all means that she will not miss her family. I don't think she will miss any of us as much as she will miss her baby sister and little Fefan. I have observed her squeezing the stuffing out of them lately and holding them tight and long. Isn't it great that any young person her age would so value the tiniest brother and sister in her life. They will grow and change the most while she is away.

I need to proceed with the day. Off to keep busy!

Sense and Sensibility

I took time out this afternoon while folding laundry to watch Sense and Sensibility again with my kids. I love that movie and I love that story. I've never read the book and perhaps I can squeeze that in somewhere, but I find it astoundingly refreshing that the characters actually seemed concerned about their reputations. If ONLY people gave a hoot about preserving their innocence or even in their wonderful unspoken fashion protected each other's reputations and their basic need to stay pure till they were able and ready to be married. I know that those stories are fiction but still, I do think people actually thought about such things once upon a time. They actually stopped to consider appearances of too intimate of conversation between two people of the opposite sex and perhaps gossiped about who liked who or who was spending time with who. Now it just seems excepted that young people date around, have intimate times via time together or on the Internet with the whole chat thing. I can see some benefits to chatting in that people can live far apart but still, it seems a little odd to me at times. I could have titled this post The Internet as well or perhaps I might rant on about that in another post. It just makes me sad at times that the Internet can pull us away from our families who live in the same house with us and promote relationships with others that can be more than they should between very young people. I have not pushed the Internet with my boys at all thus far, although I think it would be nice for them to some degree as everyone else seems to be so dependant on it. My boys don't have tons of friends and maybe that is why but really, when I was their age (and yes I was a girl) I went to my friends homes or called them on the phone to talk and I could tell all their intonations and expressions for what they were. The Internet has caused problems even for my family in misunderstanding both from within and without.

I can remember a time when perhaps I had four kids, that the email groups became way too much of an obsession for me and an escape. I neglected my kids and my family and shouldn't have done that. It is still somewhat of a draw and I am processing that but am also processing how to direct my kids with all of this. I suppose my boys are not very interesting to other boys their age as they do not watch sitcoms, play video games, use the Internet, or chat with everyone at church online. I wish they had some more intimate friends (boys) to share guy time with but for now Boy Scouts for Matthew and adults for Erik is the way it goes. I was VERY happy for them at the Higher Things conference that they had some pal around time with friends. They have some occasional get togethers with other boys but that is not that often. I hope we can work on that some more. Oh.....this makes me think that some people may suggest they line up more of a social life but frankly I have told them they are free to invite people over and we try but life is busy and they really are not suffering poor mes over anything. It is their mother who worries about it more than they do.

I should have made this two separate posts but I guess I still may ramble on about this later. Keep in mind this post is about Horner culture and life, the later part. Everyone makes different choices and I suppose I will ramble on about some life wisdom I have imparted to them in another post. I have been thinking a lot about all those conversations as Anna is getting ready to leave and I am very pleased with her confidence and definite opinions regarding herself and relationships with other young people around her. We all have room to grow and she certainly does too but overall she is very balanced. She is much more balanced than I was at that age. I thought I was just all so wise and wonderful and certainly wiser than my parents and other adults. Oh brother. I think that did travel through a lot of my college days. I see this in the young people around me and it makes me feel older anyway to hear myself thinking the same things that were prattled on at me by older people then. College kids have very little life experience in the way of supporting themselves, taking care of others, having kids and responsibilty, thinking about other people besides themselves and......that is normal and natural. Of course they haven't . I do think Anna has learned A LOT in her assistance around the house and she really is not very critical of me at all or acting superior. I am proud of her and I love her a lot. Better stop typing now.

Self Discipline

Ugh. I HATE self discipline. I am not sure I know anyone who LOVES it. This getting older thing is a pain. I know that if I exercise my blood pressure stays in check. If I don't, it doesn't. I did great on exercise from March till July and then for all the busyness got out of the habit. I look at the schedule and wonder if I will be able to fit it in if I am feeling worn down by the schedule and perhaps snow and ice outside? I am not a fan of indoor exercise so can I manage to actually get up early and do that before the kids get up? Really? Even earlier if I want that cup of decaf and a few moments of quiet time before the milk spilling and cereal dumping. Please bug me people to keep up on this.

I undid my decaffeinating of myself. I buckled and started making Charley regular coffee and couldn't wait till mine was made. NO SELF DISCIPLINE. Weak I am. I am pretty sure coffee and chocolate (love it) are also at the root of my new problems. They of course contribute to my shaky hands which is also a genetic problem. I am very thankful I did NOT inherit the arthritis problem which my poor brother is now suffering with. Each generation has picked a victim for that issue. My brother has been battling the arthritis since at least late thirties so this is not a new thing for him but just one that seems to effect new areas.

It seems basically true that everyone has some self discipline issues whether it is health issues, money management, house cleaning habits, preparing for things like classes or papers or presentations. I don't think I am alone on this one. I don't think I know anyone who has it all together and if they appear to have it all together now then......they will turn 40. :o) 40 somethings must be the decade that we more fully appreciate the finite creature understanding of our lives and I have no doubt that will become even clearer in the 50s. The main issue is not that we don't know what we need to do to overcome our issues of self-discipline since I am sure that is glaringly obvious in each case - spend less, eat less, clean with routines routinely, prepare early for what is coming up, and DON'T DRINK REGULAR COFFEE!!!!! PASS BY THE CHOCOLATE IN THE CHECK OUT AISLE!!!!! Pathetic. Yes Pastors......my sinful nature is alive and well.

I just get tired of weak me not having the self discipline to simply make these issues go away. I am a sad example for my kiddos in many respects and can hardly criticize them for the issues they suffer through. We can encourage one another through and try not to let it pull us under the table. I TELL my kids to nag me about not drinking coffee and drinking enough water etc. I suppose they can feel some satisfaction in that their poor mother needs all the help she can get. Besides these little health bumps I can hardly complain but feel pretty sheepish for my inability to pass up chocolate and my quick dash to the coffee maker upon falling asleep in mid-afternoon. Sigh.

We are off on a family bike ride this evening so I suppose my blood pressure will be in check for another day. Feel free, like I said to nag or encourage me in this regard.

Remembering Redeemer

I've been in contact the last few weeks between Anna's graduation and a few other instances, with people from our old church. The hardest thing for me to do when we left was to leave the people we loved. My kids had so many grandparents and I had so many people who just watched out for me that was most certainly hard to say goodbye and I am sure it was confusing to them. I was expecting my seventh child at the time. Well one of the grandmas called again recently. She has actually called a few times this summer. The first time she called to share with me that her daughter's youngest child got married. This might seem a little out of the blue as lots of people's grandchildren get married but Carly was special to the Horners and especially special to Charley as when she was a toddler Charley just stared at her sweeetness and thus......we had Anna. Carly's grandma knew that as of course Charley had to tell her over and over how cute Carly was and how badly he wanted a little girl of his own. Well, now Carly is married and her grandma was sweet to remember that.

Anna plays the organ the last Sunday before she goes at Redeemer and at first she seemed regretful as she loves Emmaus (there is a Divine Service on Monday though :o)) but then she remembered all her 'grandparents' at Redeemer who still love her and are proud of her and stop us on the street to tell us how much we mean to them. Sigh. This part is still hard. It is not wrong that we switched but we lost contact with a lot of Grandparents as a result. There were many members who did offer to lend a hand to make sure I got a break or whatever. Needing a break is not quite as critical as it was as my oldest kids are pretty reliable. I still am not able to just go to events such as last weeks conference very easily as I hate burdening my older kids with the little kids so that I can 'go have fun or soak up a seminar.' This will not change for quite a while I have no doubt. My leaving the home with older kids and the baby is also not always the best as my dear husband appreciates me being home for a reason.......he does get a little overwhelmed and my vocation is not his vocation so it is still not 'simple' to just leave. This can be sort of frustrating. I think I leave some sort of impression on people that I can just handle life all the time but I frankly am not that good at it all the time. I want my older kids to gain the benefit of the social times with other like minded people but am torn by the burden at home and the inevitable neglect of my little people. Too bad there isn't a train like Hogwarts has to transport them where they need to go. I am not sure if there is a Marshall retreat this year so haven't even started agaonizing over that but maybe I can figure out something. Boy.....that got a little off topic. The funny thing and good thing about Emmaus is that we are not the freaks with tons of kids as there are many large families. We don't stand out as people who might need help. There is no easy solution to that except to perhaps ask around and see if there are other families who might need help when it comes to these special events. I still will struggle with not always going with but I am also struggling with my own kids puppy eyes when they wish they could go too.

Ingrid gets a dress

Ingrid now belongs to the privaleged group who possess a dress made by Anna. It is adorable. I will have to wait till she has eaten her breakfast to put it on her. Of course I will also have to put a picture up. She is not old enough to appreciate this incredible event but we will have to preserve the memory for her so some day she will look back and know her oldest sister remembered her little self.

Now the sewer is stubbornly not getting up even though her two year old brother is in her room 'shooting' her and yelling boom, boom, boom......such a boy. I bet he won't get a dress. It is Tuesday morning and time to get ready for piano lessons X4. I hope to get a quick pool trip in this afternoon plus more cleaning of my disastor room and mount laundry.

Speaking of cleaning my room. I mentioned to mother yesterday that I was cleaning my room and she said it sounded like I was a kid. "What did you do today Karin" asked the mom. "I cleaned my room Mom." Ah, just like old times right? My room is better known as 'where to dump stuff when you don't know what to do with it' room.

Piano is going well. Matthew has proudly memorized his piano piece and I can tell is truly paying attention to what is needed. Yay! Cecilia has quite the knack for paying attention to what is asked as well. Anna is winding down her piano lesson career before leaving in two weeks. She will spend her last morning in South Bend at piano lessons. Martin is plugging away at his lessons as well. In my data base I must remember to push the boy to actually learn his notes better than he knows them now. It has been nice actually to hear people playing scales. Who knew that would be something to be enjoyed. I remember playing horn scales ad nauseam (spelling?). I am not sure my parents enjoyed that. Which reminds me. I need to find space in my impossible fall schedule to practice the horn so I can play in church again.

Off to the races!

What's new

Last week we had the pleasure of having Lydia with us for most of the week. It was very nice to have another older girl around. I hope she didn't think we were too loud as she is nice and quiet. We spent a lot of time at the pool and then took a wonderful trip to Evanston, IL for some fabric shopping, consignment store gazing, and book shopping. I only bought one book about cathedrals in Europe. It explains all the different features and the history. Since I have been to several of them it looked interesting to me. We are also studying the Middle Ages and Renaissance this year so perhaps I can sound like I know what I am talking about when we talk about Cathedrals. I studied them a little in college in an art history class and enjoyed it then so maybe that will help too.

I really don't know what all else to write about. Anna has been sewing like crazy and I have been trying to stay awake. I think I am addicted to caffeine again which is a bad thing so will have to work towards weaning myself off again. Ugh. My cute little health issues all point towards NOT drinking caffeine. It took quite a while to get off of it the last time so MAYBE I can succeed a little faster this time. My allergies make me fall asleep in a chair too.

School is just a few weeks away and I think I have everything figured out and just need to place my school order. I need to get on that SOON or I won't have what I need in time. I think I am getting ready mentally to tackle school again. I just hate accepting the fact that summer is almost over and feel like I did not soak in enough happy rays to help carry me through my winter blahs. I hope to keep biking as long as possible and have the clothes to help get me through for quite awhile.

I need to hunt down some boxes for the Anna dear tomorrow. I am not sure where to find any. There is always the liquor store I suppose.

Well, this is not a very exciting post as per usual but will push post anyway.

List too long

In the next two weeks I have a ton to do. My allergies are leaving me pretty tired and the day to day mess that ten people create is not staying clean. I don't know where to begin but then I also don't want to just work, work, work. The pool closes in three weeks and then I know that I will have to stop having fun and get back to the business of school. On my current list I have honey extraction, tomatoes to harvest and put up, house/laundry to keep up on, cooking so we don't spend money on the easy stuff, lawn mowing with a mower that doesn't like to work, school plans, school order, potty training the two year old, helping dh with his goals and aspirations, (fun when I can have it), helping Anna with whatever she needs to get ready to go, camping to prepare for, and, and, and......oh yes, daily nagging about math, piano practicing, dishes.....and, and......

Ok, this is why I haven't been blogging. My mind is on some other things which I don't have time to think about and have to fit that sort of thing into getting everything else done.

Oh.....I have been thinking or remembering when Zach left for school and what exciting things he did before he left for school. What I can remember is that he did not party but rather helped his mother and felt a little guilty to leave her. Dear Anna is helping me too and feeling a little guilty to leave me. I think she should give him a call to have an understanding ear hear those anxieties. We will be alright and move on with what we are given to do here. I do not want dd to feel guilt as I am sure Zach's mom did not want him to feel guilt either. So.....that has been on my mind too as we drown a little here in the mess and then the heat and allergies fight fiercely against us getting anything done.

Where did she learn that from?

Anna is such a good girl. To attempt to make a long story short she has been in contact with her roommate for the fall and for awhile we were getting a little concerned as to whether this would work. There was a lot of facebooking and a few texts and the responses at least on our end were leaving us perplexed. So.......I suggested she call her and talk to her and give up on the Internet communication. Phew. What was scaring us to some degree, with a little phone communication has now left Anna concluding that her roommate to be must be feeling a little anxious and nervous and just has a need to make sure all the bases are covered before she leaves home. Those people who know us well, know that we feel like we are doing fantastic if we know there is something to eat for breakfast but worrying about how to decorate her dorm wall outside of the crucifix was not heavy on Anna dear's mind. It was the worrying that was worrying us. We are SO not worried. Perhaps we should worry more but there isn't any time left to work harder on worrying since my chief worry lately involves getting my 'naked boy' Stefan to figure out how to keep underwear dry. I need to find him a longer shirt so he has a more modest attire. :o) Internet communication is so VERY confusing. I am sure people used to feel the same way about the phone. Both parties have been most respectful to the other and I now feel things will most likely work. What I wonder where she learned that from, is she is pretty good at putting the best construction on the situation and not as prone to panicking as her dear mom who was a little freaked out by the Internet conversing. Phew. Thank you Lord that she figured that out and most likely not from my shining example. :o)

Time to go be responsible.

Trivial Pursuit - a different sort of assessment

I actually like this game. I remember beating my trivial fact expert dad once because I knew that Captain Kangaroo had bangs. That was a moment of triumph. He truly is Mr. Trivia. Anyway, I picked up a version which has both kid and adult questions and we played on Saturday night. That was a scary experience. My dear children of ALL ages do lack a certain knowledge that you can only get from watching TV. It is a puzzle to me if it is really worth having the kids watch the news etc. and the news obsessed relatives will nod their head knowingly that I 'should' have them do this. We haven't missed it so far and read the newspaper which certainly can't be better than the TV but it can't be worse either. Sports and weather terms seem to be lacking in their knowledge bin. What an odd assessment of their abilities as my eyes rolled back in my head at their strained brains over sports and weather questions. Sigh. So they need to go to Grandma's more often to watch baseball and football etc. "What ball has fake seams?" Older child did not know. Ugh. "What is another name for cyclone or tropical storm?" - hurricane. Younger and some older children did not know. I think we need to play some more to see what else is lacking.

Biking

We took a little family bike ride this afternoon and actually made it about fourteen miles. That was especially amazing for Cecilia who has a single gear bike and made it the whole way. I did alright dragging Ingrid behind and she did fine as well. We never made it to the pool but at least we know we can bike. We might shoot up to Michigan next weekend and bike between a few wineries. I've wanted to do that for a long time. We'll see.

Tomorrow I am going to Ft. Wayne to pick up one of Anna's friends for a few days. We are hoping to finally make the Vogue fabrics trip on Thursday.

Our neighbor Jim, of Jim store fame, finally accepted our dinner invitation and is right now talking Charley's ear off outside. I am glad. He is a very nice fellow. His whole family are great to have as neighbors and have been especially good to us. We keep him entertained I have no doubt.

Experiment

I think I might try a little experiment out on the family. Perhaps I will wake up tomorrow morning and not ask anyone to do anything and see what happens. I will greet them with a cheery smile and inquire as to whether they are well. I was thinking about squeezing in a trip to the pool by myself though and pick up some of that tanning stuff on the way there, sweat and watch the sweat pool up on my arms while baking. I have not done that in probably twenty years. That just sounds like fun to me. It would be curious, although I would have to ask someone to watch the children, to see what would happen and if they would even notice. I did ask Charley this evening if he were interested in us all going out to chop wood after he got done eating. He looked at me oddly. Benjamin looked a little scared. Benjamin is so very cute though that I probably shouldn't scare him like that. I think I will go discuss this plan with Charley. I do have to take Erik to math tutoring in the morning so he will at least have to get in the van. Hmmmm.....

Anna packing

Just to keep everyone up to date on this depressing subject. Ok, it is not entirely depressing and I am happy for her. I must have done a few things right as she has taken it upon herself to clean out most of her 'stuff' that is her girl stuff so that Ingrid will have a room to share with her sister Cecilia soon. She does all this of her own fruition and it was nothing I even suggested. The conversation with most friends is even trying to remember this process from when we went 'away' to college. I put that in quotes seeing as I could have walked home from college if I had wanted to. I kept that under my hat as much as possible and mainly joked with my roommate about the long drive home. There have been many humorous conversations about this topic from people whose mommies did the whole packing thing complete with stacks of new underwear and socks to 'I didn't want my mom to come near my stuff' packing scenario. I do not think Anna falls into that category but she is definitely mature enough to handle this. I do occasionally mention for her to mention to me if she would like new tennis shoes with better arch support or does she want particular soap etc. Her response to the shoes question (this morning at a little past twelve) was "No mom. I do not want to wear clunky tennis shoes with my dresses" and "I saw plenty of clunky shoes at HT and I am not interested." Ok, daughter dear.

I need to get a few containers for her to label and put in the 'nightmare' storage building. My stomach gets occasionally tied in knots through this process and I will try not to make everyone nuts dwelling on that but......I can't help it. We are partying up the last few weeks here. Yesterday she was craving corn pops which her grandma donated on occasion after sleepovers so I picked some up for her along with a bottle of Dr. Pepper which she also mentioned. I don't want to be accused of never getting her anything fun.

The 'guest room' is done and I will continue to look for ways to make that room comfy and inviting. Anna will be our 'guest' come holidays and breaks. That is such an odd and scary thought. I better go chug some more coffee and perhaps hill up some corn or something to calm myself. It's ok.....it will be ok......I am still excited for her.

Nice visit with Charley's parents

It has been fun to see Charley's dad having a good time wandering around the ten acres and basically having a nice time. Charley has worked on several car issues while his dad hung around watching him, clearly interested in what his son was doing. His mom has been most helpful in a quiet sort of way and has expressed her frustration that she wishes she could help more and doesn't know how I manage all the kids etc. She too has settled in, found a good book, enjoyed some nice meals and had fun talking with the kids.

We went to Shipshewana today and had an enjoyable time going to their favorite stores and looking for the odd little things one finds in Shipshewana to add to our kitchen gadget collections. We had our traditional ice cream at Wana-cup and they were both impressed that two year old Stefan did not spill a drop of ice cream on himself. Stefan chattered the whole time about all the horseys and wouldn't let a horse go by without my acknowledging he saw one.

Evenings have been relaxed and Charley's mom even expressed her surprise of how well his dad was feeling and doing during their visit. His dad is quite the character and I don't really mind his quirks too much. I would not want to depend on him to get me to the hospital on time if that were ever needed but......when all is said and done, it is possible to work within his 'system'. For an almost 83 year man with normal old age aches and pains he seems to be doing quite well with just a little help from a cane when needed. I am happy he has had a chance to just roam around freely.

I hope the kids will be able to remember these times as they are not often enough. We have a few more days left and hopefully they will be able to come again soon.

Urban Sprawl

Quietly the land near our home has been sold to a developer who specializes in apartment complexes. I have only had a few hours to process this and already feel like packing, selling off lots of stuff and moving. I fought the good fight against a truck depot six years ago and won but am doubtful I can win this one. If they put in nice condos that would be different and I would be fine with that but.....apartments. Sigh. I am exhausted basically and my dear husband wonders if I will be checking into the mental hospital but am trying to pull myself together and not despair. I am not putting moving out of the realm of possibilities as we will have to live with the apartment mess the rest of our lives. Why we can not just be satisfied with the housing that is available is beyond me. Fix up what we have people!!!!! There are plenty of homes that could be torn down or rehabbed and used and not left for the rats and other rodents to degrade the city. Breathe.....breathe......Lord have mercy. In the end I hope my children find a nice place for me in the country side, safe from urban sprawl to plant me someday. I am just being silly here but I drive by these cemetaries in the country that are way out, surrounded by trees and farm fields and figure they would be great to take a rest in. Yes, I am a bit odd. There is a great cemetary on top of the hill in Pennsylvania that would be fantastic too but of course I won't give a hoot or a hollar at that point. It's a nice walk at any rate and the kids might enjoy the fresh air. :o) I will try to keep my humor but a rest sounds nice.

Kicking and screaming

I just dropped my older three kids off for their trip to Higher Things. I didn't want to say goodbye to them and feel sort of caught. I have only been to one conference and loved it and the time I could watch and observe my kids enjoying themselves and enjoying other young people their age. I am sure it is entirely my fault that I did not speak up and make it clear that I would have liked to go with. There already were chaperons who did not have small children so why would anyone including myself think that I would want or need to go with? Well.....I just love my kids and feel like I am missing out on this part of their lives. A person could say "well, you can do that with the younger ones" but.....I want to do it with the older ones too. Kicking and screaming. I love time with youth period and I am missing out on that too. I am not anyone important. I am just a mom who painfully feels sad when I am separated from an event where I COULD have gone if I just had the brains to have spoken up. It made sense at the time and now it doesn't make sense at all.

My kids never get family vacations for some weird reason. It is probably the fact that it is expensive to get rooms for all of us and other families are not jumping up and down to take in ten extra people and feed them. So Higher Things is also my kids vacation. I WANT TO BE WITH THEM!!!!!!! It will probably take me a day to get over it and stop feeling lost and sad. I am contemplating going up on Friday for the Divine Service and at least be a part of that but ultimately will probably not as I would just be sad at what I missed out of with them.

Poor me moment. Might blog some more on this topic as it certainly does pertain to moms with lots of kids and I cannot believe that other moms do not feel the same way but I do think other moms seem to suck it up better than me in regard to these things.

Off to piano lessons......

Family and friends

We had a great time yesterday wishing my dear daughter congratulations on completing her high school years and also wishing her well for the future. There were 80 plus people in attendance and I only wish I had a little more time to visit with people but the efforts were worth it to see everyone have a nice time.

The week before the party, my friend Cheryl and I, tackled repainting two of the rooms in our house. We had a wonderful time painting and of course talking, talking, talking. She SO gave of herself to help her tired friend. Anna did most of the work with her and I supervised the kids and feeding everyone. I probably already blogged about this. We now have a guest room and another room to just be able to sit and relax when the opportunity presents itself. I am excited about the possibilities. We worked hard to get it done before Charley's parents came as we were looking forward to their visit and knew they would appreciate their privacy and we would appreciate not having to have anyone give up their bedrooms. The now guest room was a second eating area which did come in handy with guests but we can still set up an extra table in another area to accommodate our regular flow of families visiting.

My mom made an unheard of amount of cookies so I wouldn't have to mess with desert for the crowd and even made a set of cupcakes at the last minute to help our friend's son celebrate his fifth birthday. He was so very cute. Mom was so very helpful and of course everything was organized and easy to distribute. Yay for moms!

What I especially enjoyed were all the warm faces who came from all over to be able to be there yesterday. I forgot to send my poor brother his invitation and so a few days before the party sheepishly called him and he cheerfully came along and many had the pleasure of talking with him and his wife. I gave him a hug when he was leaving and asked him if he was scarred from his late invitation and he smiled and said of course not. I love being understood. It is so very sweet.

I was also very appreciative as I have said before of my college roommate and her husband who came a few weeks ago to take Anna's graduation pictures for the invitations they made for us. They mailed them promptly to me and everyone got their lovely invitations as soon as they came (except my brother ;o) Thank you Steve for still loving me). So thank you also to my dear friend Elise!!!!

Yes.....I am richly blessed with people who do give a hoot about me, which being poor self-esteem me have trouble acknowledging. I could have just sat there and simply stared at everyone who puts up with me and still loves me despite my many weaknesses and failings. Eight kids keep me hopping and I am not the queen of etiquette ( I do enjoy a good book on manners though). I am also very grateful for my dear husband who tries so very hard to do the right thing for me and his family. We all muddle, muddle together and I will continue to muddle along myself despite my inabilities.

I think the last of the broilers are meeting their demise so should probably stop blogging and run along......in the car.....to get my dear daughter something for Higher Things......

Hoping to tackle more rooms

We have two rooms put back together with fresh lovely paint and trim completely painted. It looks awesome. We just rehung the shelf that was there when we bought the place as my brilliant daughter suggested we not put any nick knacks on the piano etc. and only put them up on the shelf....if we really love them. Good-bye cluttered look. We are slowly and carefully putting up pictures and I now stare at other rooms sorely in need of paint and am ready to tackle them soon. I can't wear my dear daughter out before she leaves but we have been having a lot of fun together with this little project. Get 'er done!!!!!

I mowed a ton of grass today and almost got the whole thing done again. I am sure I will sleep well tonight. It is raining which is also good for garden. I have to get up early and go hunt tomatoes at the farmers market. I was hoping I would have my own but that is not working out. Lots of squash and broccoli though.

I think I will go read my Rainbow Resource Center catalogue and try not to let it hurt me when I fall asleep with it in my face.

Focus and finish!!!!!

Ah there is nothing like a focused woman to help this unfocused woman.....focus. It is very tempting to rip the whole house apart but just getting these two rooms painted (with all the help from my dd and friend Cheryl) is what must be done or risk getting even more depressed than I already have the capability to be! Our newly painted rooms look so fantastic even while they are not finished I can hardly believe my eyes. Love it. Every unfinished portion that has sat that way for years is being tackled and done. Love it!!!

Off to feed the redecorators!

Flies and Nerf Guns

There was a fly invasion last week from people leaving the door open and probably from the animals still being here and kids leaving their barn boots by the back door unwashed..... These flies have been teaching my dear children some valuable lessons though. I explained to them that when tables and counters don't get wiped down that it attracts flies. This information seems to be finally sinking in. They are keeping up on this sort of thing a little better now.

An amusing thing that happened was my sixteen year old dear son discovered that if you use your nerf gun you can easily kill LOTS of flies. I am not sure I am totally in favor of this as I think his method is to turn off all the lights and wait for them to land on the ceiling and then....pow! He gets them. He rarely misses.

So......if you are looking for a practical use for your nerf gun bearing kids, I just thought I would share that useful information with you and perhaps rid your house of more flies.

Looking like an non-eventful day at the Horners.....phew.

Charley's vacation

It seems like Charley spent most of his vacation fixing broken things. I think I mentioned that earlier. Well he goes back to work tomorrow so I hope things are done being broken. I think he spends much of his time at work fixing broken things as well. Fortunately he seems satisfied that it was all worth it.

Hopefully I get back to painting tomorrow and finish the job......

One other thought

I suppose this could be construed as a poor me statement but if a reader bore with me and my weak ability to explain myself it might make sense. Or....it might not. :o) I think the last month has been as nutty as this person can tolerate and I am losing my grip on a lot of things. Little things are bothering me and big things seem overwhelming or maybe they are not big at all. I keep chugging along and am finding a lot of what I say to others coming across as confusing to them or better left unsaid. What goes on in my head and what I say often times does not make sense so it is too bad we can't all just rewind the tape. Or......it would be nice to have a better ability to understand what other people are even thinking in regard to conversation as I am too often just confused. I do not think I am very good at expressing myself and when I am tired it just.....gets.....worse. I think too much I think. I should stick to chucking wood and mowing the lawn and of course raising my kids with out too much else coming out of this mouth. See.....poor me statement but I think I am just being honest with myself.

I still have a lot to get done at home this next week to be ready to give my dear daughter a congratulations type party on all her hard work during her school years with me and then the rest of the summer is slipping away fast. I guess it is not THAT much to get done but I still need to put the rooms we tore apart back together. I am just thinking that at times my brain and mouth do not match up and my mouth would be better suited not chatting too much idly when the craziness of life has been pretty wearing lately. I do not find that I am good at explaining myself and my wee little brain and my fragile little heart don't mix too well with other conversation so.....that self-discipline thing to just perhaps keep my mouth shut a little more might be a good muscle for me to rest. I have too much I want to get done including just enjoying my family and other people around me and people I am looking forward to seeing this coming weekend to just shut up but shutting up might be my best option. I know I am not always the best listener and I oftentimes can tell other people aren't really listening or perhaps they don't have spare energy either to deal with my silly need to be understood. Conversation is just confusing at times.

In a dream world I would take my family up to the Quetico or the Rockies and go on a canoe trip or something and just enjoy the lack of responsibility and the incredible solitude and isolation from the crazies. Even this probably does not make sense but my time there as a young person was a time to just.....think and my mind I think just craves some quiet time and pause. See.....I think I posted something like this a few weeks ago.

I think my dear husband too feels a little crazed with all the stuff that keeps breaking around here and all the stuff he would like to get to including doing some special things with his family. Sigh. I am not sure how to help him with that but hopefully we can take a little bike trip some Saturday left this summer before Anna goes off to college. We'll see. How can he enjoy his family WHEN STUFF KEEPS BREAKING!!!! Ugh. Muddle, muddle and I will try to help him enjoy some rest when he can find it and also make this place a little more restful through putting things back together so that resting is not exhausting with all the mess all over from painting etc. So.....speaking of resting I think I will go do that for real now. I am done now. Please tread lightly and I will attempt to deal quietly with whatever comes my way in the line of other people needing something or expecting something from me........don't think too hard about this post if you actually made it through to the end.......

Van falling apart suddenly

All day if I needed to know where Charley was I checked by the van. There was a leak in something in the van and then it seemed that every time I checked the van status the leaks seemed to multiply. It was like a bad dream though the dream was worse for Charley and Erik than for me. They were both wearing gray shirts and jeans so I had trouble knowing whose feet were sticking out from under the van. I think they weigh the same amount too with Charley just being a skinny guy (still strong though) and Erik being a skinny young guy (also strong but not as strong as his dad.....yet). Hopefully Erik saw this as bonding time with dad working on the jigsaw van puzzle. I am also glad I made it home before things went too haywire yesterday.

While they tinkered with the van, a friend helped Anna and I work on painting a few rooms that DESPERATELY needed painted. One is mostly done as far as the wall goes and the other is mostly cut in so that should go quickly. It looks MUCH better! Anna did most of the work but managed to get something in her eye or has some sort of allergic reaction so she went promptly to bed with her benadryl dose and hopes to feel better in the morning.

Matthew almost single handed shoveled out the chicken coop now that the broilers are in the freezer. THAT is hard work too. The whole family is pretty tired and I hope that tomorrow somebody can enjoy their Sunday and get a little rest. Charley spent his vacation fixing stuff so other progress was not quite as obvious.

I spent the day running to the store to get paint and trying to keep everyone happy. Food helps the demeanor of most people so that was my department along with keeping the kids from doing too much damage to the fresh paint. Benjamin managed to rub his hand along a freshly painted wall and then smeared it on his shirt after realizing what he did. Oh well. It will be an interesting undershirt to sleep in. Fortunately it was nothing better than an undershirt.

It is later than I thought so will go crash. Charley and Erik - the twins - are watching Johnny English to have a lighter moment and basically just ate dinner (10:00 dinner - must be European or something). Hopefully they don't watch the whole thing. Must get to sleep.

Another 4H fair is over

I feel like I have my life back again. I am actually sitting still for a moment or two while in my house. The clothes I put out on the line last night since it was not supposed to rain are now soaked and I don't care. They will dry eventually and probably will be nice and wrinkle free. Charley and the boys are at the fair for barn clean up. Charley spent yesterday fixing machinery that was broken and was just finishing up when I pulled in to tell him the van was broken. I think he has that figured out as well now or least I hope so. Fixing machinery is a time eater and I try not to drool after city dwellers who only have vans that break. Property can be a money pit.

I have beans and new zuchinni and squash seeds to plant so I get the full benefit of their yumminess. The weeds should come out easily now that it has rained in the gardens that are planted. I should go wash a floor or something now since little Ingrid is sleeping in this morning.

Painting walls is on the docket for today. I am excited!!!!! It is especially nice to have kids old enough who can help with these things. Ramming speed!!!

I have some explaining to do

Bible class did not work out for me again this evening so spent most of the time in the nursery watching Ingrid and Benjamin bounce around. Then Cecilia came in and was talking to me and in the conversation it came up that Anna would be leaving in August. It did not occur to me that Cecilia did not understand truly what this meant. She thought Anna would be gone for just a little while so I had some explaining to do. I told her slowly and carefully, looking her right in the eyes, that Anna would most likely be gone not for just one year but likely four years and maybe not even be home for the vacations I would love for her to be home for. For all we know it could be for good. Of course I started to cry a little and she did too and she comforted me. I told her I was crying as our family would not be the same and together anymore. I also told her we really need to pal around a lot more together as she would be my big girl at home and we will have to go on little trips together. She then figured out how old Ingrid would be when she graduated. Sigh. I REALLY need to stop this crying at church thing. It did hit me pretty hard the reality of Anna leaving soon. As I have said before I am happy for her and we will just relate differently from here on out. I also think I better sit down with the middle size kids who can understand and explain exactly what is coming up this fall. Double sigh. I should have realized they would not fully get it.

Scout campsite amusement

NIce evening with Scouts

Last night we went to the closing campfire at the boys Scout troop. As has been the case with the troop since we joined I was very impressed with everything that they do. Their campsite was a veritable amusement park complete with a huge tower, rope climbing thingy, zip line, huge merry-go-round, swings, and an all around organized atmosphere. I will have to post a picture of the merry-go-round as I have never seen anything like it. It was a triangle of three posts roped together and then attached with rope to the tree way up. You wound the thing up and it would twist the kids around back and forth.

The boys also had a great skit, were the MC's for the campfire, and had a very nice 'crackle barrel' afterward. Almost every family was represented with parents who came to see what the boys had done which was also very refreshing and nice to see. Both our kids and the kids we brought with had never ending fun last night and did not seem bothered by the late hour. My hat is off to the leaders of this troop. I will HAVE to post some pictures here later. Troop 555 is the best I have ever heard of or seen.

I will happy to have my boys home this afternoon!!!! My family will be back together for the first time in two weeks except for about ten hours last weekend.

"If the pig comes for you Karin"

so says my sweetie pie after soliciting my help with loading the piggies. Instead of getting peeved at him for such a ridiculous statement while pondering my past experiences of being rushed by a pig, I burst out laughing. (thank you Pastor Grobien for setting such a wonderful example for me) "If the pig comes for me dear, I am running that direction. Why am I here?" laughing, laughing.

"Really Karin, this is not good for our marriage" says the farmer big strong and looking perplexed.

"Really honey dear," laughs Karin, "If that pig rushes me it won't be good for our marriage."

He did manage to give a half smile at this and stopped lecturing me on the health of our marriage. The first pig dutifully followed the feed bowl to the trailer. The second and the third little piggies started running around a little aimlessly as I was instructed to follow them. I smiled and handed my pig board to big strong farmer boy son who expertly, confidently herded the piggies in the way that they should go and they got on the trailer. So ends another year of pig loading and maybe next year the man will realize that his citified wife will haul chickens, wash chickens, haul kids to fair, cheer for children, cry at successes but......will not hold a pig board or watch pigs come at her.

Hope you enjoyed another episode of Horner comedy.

Very pleased with 4H fair this year

I am not pleased with the fair because my kids did well but rather because we did not do anything this year that the kids did not do willingly themselves. There have been years that we did things because, well, of course we HAVE to do it because we have done it in the past. Those years were crazy stressful, yucky times. I put my foot down last year that just because their dear daddy might be grieved that his dear children might blow everyone out of the water if they did thus and such, that pressuring them to complete projects that their heart was not in was.......insane. It is the MOMMY who has to drag the dear children around to complete these things and the mommy who has to deliver them.

This year every project that was completed and turned in was completely enthused, done well in advance (mostly) and there WAS NO NAGGING ON THE PART OF THE MOMMY!!!!!! The fair is only useful in so far as it teaches these kiddos to set goals and meet them themselves!!! I do not feel like a crazy person this year albeit I am tired but I feel a great sense of satisfaction that.......I have proven my point. :o) Projects generated by parental pressure are not worth doing.

In the Horner news here is the shake down:

Martin: Blue ribbon in beekeeping (better than last year), reserve champion in his division fine arts.
Matthew: Did not do any projects for exhibit hall (he is a scout through and through)
Erik: Honor group (third place) his division fine arts and Grand Champion Collections.
Anna: Champion overall in Formals. She is VERY happy with this and was not expecting that as she is a purest and did what the pattern instructed and did NOT put in an invisible zipper by fair rules (told me that the night before.....)

Love my kids. Love a good experience. Ready to just enjoy the ride this week at the fair.

Erik shines a little brighter

Since we are not going to the opening of the 4H exhibit hall tomorrow night I the fair office to let Erik and I see how he did on his projects. Well.....he got Honor Group on his painting which actually is excellent for his age level. The upper levels are very competitive and I have always been impressed with the work the 4Hers do in this category. His painting is a study of one of Eric Sloans paintings, his favorite author.

Then in Collections I had a choke up moment where we discovered he was awarded Grand Champion of the the whole project. I am so happy for him as he worked very hard on this as I said in my last post and truly he deserved the award. It is so much sweeter to know that a young person put their all into it and also know what a landmark this was for him personally in seeing that he can acheive quality work and then be sweetly recognized for the effort put forth. I am encouraged that perhaps we are turning a corner. He has always worked pretty hard on his school work but his confidence in himself is sometimes lacking. Having an older sister who seems to excell in all she lays her hands on also has been a challenge to follow. But....I hope he can see that we are equally proud of him in his own achievements and efforts and appreciate all the help he has given this summer as everyone else leaves to go do various fun activities.

I hope he has a great week and can simply enjoy the fair. We turned the broilers in today and the pigs go tomorrow. It seems like the pigs just got here. I better scoot off to bed as sleep seems to be lacking lately. More fun tomorrow as we also go see Matthew and Martin's Scout closing campfire. Their troop puts on great skits.

Erik's day to shine

This spring Erik was searching through the 4H fair handbook and came upon the category of collections. Being the tool collecting maniac that he is, he started reading up on the category and he quietly started compiling an assortment from his tool collection to enter for this year's fair. He did this project completely on his own with just a little guidance on how to use different parts of Microsoft programs. The project required a story and his story was the best thing I have ever read coming from him. Having a great interest in tools and also having read up on the history of tools, he wrote quite the explanation of how his interest in tools has grown, his interest in learning how to use them and sharing this knowledge with others. There was a lot more to his story but this was my proud mommy moment. Erik is very hard on himself and to see how beautifully this project came together was a nice reward in and of itself.

The project was judged this morning and we don't know how he ultimately did but they had open judging. He waited three and a half hours for them to get to his division. He has since shared how he enjoyed the judge's comments on the other projects. The judge reminded me quite a bit of his Grandma Sylvia. She had an enthusiastic interest in the details of the various collections and had much to say about each project. I especially was struck by how she seemed to practically interact with the projects in a very personal way and saw the value of each collections change from year to year. Sylvia would make a great 4H judge as I have heard her say similar things when we have gone to exhibits together in the past or when she made observations of various kitchen tools or ways of doing things. I wonder if she could volunteer somewhere....

Anyway, when the judge got to Erik's project she appeared stunned at its organization and professional appearance. She read his story out loud and had to pause several times to exclaim things like "This projects blows the rest out of the ballpark" and many other compliments directed Erik's way. She asked him a lot of questions as to the use of each tool and was impressed with his knowledge. I was VERY proud of him and could see that it was a special moment for him as well. We did not stick around to see how he did overall as it seemed tacky to linger and breathe down her neck while she was making decisions. He will be happy no matter how it comes out as he had a chance to listen to the judge and her reasons for what she said etc. I will update the blog as I find things out.