Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Kicking and screaming

I just dropped my older three kids off for their trip to Higher Things. I didn't want to say goodbye to them and feel sort of caught. I have only been to one conference and loved it and the time I could watch and observe my kids enjoying themselves and enjoying other young people their age. I am sure it is entirely my fault that I did not speak up and make it clear that I would have liked to go with. There already were chaperons who did not have small children so why would anyone including myself think that I would want or need to go with? Well.....I just love my kids and feel like I am missing out on this part of their lives. A person could say "well, you can do that with the younger ones" but.....I want to do it with the older ones too. Kicking and screaming. I love time with youth period and I am missing out on that too. I am not anyone important. I am just a mom who painfully feels sad when I am separated from an event where I COULD have gone if I just had the brains to have spoken up. It made sense at the time and now it doesn't make sense at all.

My kids never get family vacations for some weird reason. It is probably the fact that it is expensive to get rooms for all of us and other families are not jumping up and down to take in ten extra people and feed them. So Higher Things is also my kids vacation. I WANT TO BE WITH THEM!!!!!!! It will probably take me a day to get over it and stop feeling lost and sad. I am contemplating going up on Friday for the Divine Service and at least be a part of that but ultimately will probably not as I would just be sad at what I missed out of with them.

Poor me moment. Might blog some more on this topic as it certainly does pertain to moms with lots of kids and I cannot believe that other moms do not feel the same way but I do think other moms seem to suck it up better than me in regard to these things.

Off to piano lessons......


Gauntlets said...

Karin, this is one of those things that makes me sad and confused as a mom with kids having more kids. Dad gets to have fun with the older kids, because Dad doesn't need to be with the babies. Grandma gets to have fun with the kids, because she's Grandma. The older kids get to have fun with the littler ones, because what else do they have to do? Etc.

Me? I get to stay home and mind the toddlers who would otherwise fall in the fun pond and die. I also get to feed the baby, clean the poop off the floor, feed the baby, wash the dishes, and feed the baby.

It's not a bad problem to have. But it is hard not to feel sad, sometimes.

Karin said...

I hear you. I wish I could just accept this lot in life but frankly I just end up feeling like my older children are slipping through my fingers and I painfully love them so. I do wish we moms of lots could somehow ban together and help each other enjoy our older children as they too are our children. Sigh. Thank you for understanding. I would cheerfully watch your younger children so you could enjoy your older ones and I don't even know you accept through the blog land. Hugs from Indiana. It is my pastors and friends with older young children who get to go and I meanly am jealous and not afraid to say so. Hmmmm....probably will allienate some people with that statement huh? It would be great to meet you in person some day. Thank you also for admitting it confuses you.

Gauntlets said...

RE: babysitting offer: Hey, thanks! :D

And it would be very, very good to meet you in out in real life someday! But if that doesn't shake out, I look forward to getting to know you better come the Eschaton. :)

PS--Do you have an email address? You gave me some really great advice a while back about discussing birth with kids, and I have a story I've been meaning to share with you. :) If you like, email me at concordiansisters@gmail.com and I'll reply from there.