Saturday, July 11, 2009

One other thought

I suppose this could be construed as a poor me statement but if a reader bore with me and my weak ability to explain myself it might make sense. might not. :o) I think the last month has been as nutty as this person can tolerate and I am losing my grip on a lot of things. Little things are bothering me and big things seem overwhelming or maybe they are not big at all. I keep chugging along and am finding a lot of what I say to others coming across as confusing to them or better left unsaid. What goes on in my head and what I say often times does not make sense so it is too bad we can't all just rewind the tape. would be nice to have a better ability to understand what other people are even thinking in regard to conversation as I am too often just confused. I do not think I am very good at expressing myself and when I am tired it just.....gets.....worse. I think too much I think. I should stick to chucking wood and mowing the lawn and of course raising my kids with out too much else coming out of this mouth. See.....poor me statement but I think I am just being honest with myself.

I still have a lot to get done at home this next week to be ready to give my dear daughter a congratulations type party on all her hard work during her school years with me and then the rest of the summer is slipping away fast. I guess it is not THAT much to get done but I still need to put the rooms we tore apart back together. I am just thinking that at times my brain and mouth do not match up and my mouth would be better suited not chatting too much idly when the craziness of life has been pretty wearing lately. I do not find that I am good at explaining myself and my wee little brain and my fragile little heart don't mix too well with other conversation so.....that self-discipline thing to just perhaps keep my mouth shut a little more might be a good muscle for me to rest. I have too much I want to get done including just enjoying my family and other people around me and people I am looking forward to seeing this coming weekend to just shut up but shutting up might be my best option. I know I am not always the best listener and I oftentimes can tell other people aren't really listening or perhaps they don't have spare energy either to deal with my silly need to be understood. Conversation is just confusing at times.

In a dream world I would take my family up to the Quetico or the Rockies and go on a canoe trip or something and just enjoy the lack of responsibility and the incredible solitude and isolation from the crazies. Even this probably does not make sense but my time there as a young person was a time to just.....think and my mind I think just craves some quiet time and pause. See.....I think I posted something like this a few weeks ago.

I think my dear husband too feels a little crazed with all the stuff that keeps breaking around here and all the stuff he would like to get to including doing some special things with his family. Sigh. I am not sure how to help him with that but hopefully we can take a little bike trip some Saturday left this summer before Anna goes off to college. We'll see. How can he enjoy his family WHEN STUFF KEEPS BREAKING!!!! Ugh. Muddle, muddle and I will try to help him enjoy some rest when he can find it and also make this place a little more restful through putting things back together so that resting is not exhausting with all the mess all over from painting etc. So.....speaking of resting I think I will go do that for real now. I am done now. Please tread lightly and I will attempt to deal quietly with whatever comes my way in the line of other people needing something or expecting something from me........don't think too hard about this post if you actually made it through to the end.......

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