Tuesday, June 30, 2009

4H fair earlier this year

They switched our fair to the beginning of July so we are in the midst of turn in week. I am sure I will in the long run love this plan as it will give me the rest of the summer to concentrate on schoolish stuff and maybe even do some fun things with the kids. June has been crazy busy and I can tell I am drooping today. Perhaps I will catch a nap later this afternoon. That would be fun. I slept horribly last night and had the craziest dreams. Yesterday I did not sit down except for at church and even there I was baby and toddler wrestling. Charley worked late and got up at 4:00am or somewhere thereabouts. The house is a total wreck still but I detect the kitchen improved some this morning. Thank you Erik.

Let's just say life has been ridiculously busy and I look forward to things calming down a little. Enough whining for today.....

Friday, June 26, 2009

Back from Bloomington

It has been a LONG week with two days in Valpo with Martin and the little ones, then three days in Bloomington with Anna for orientation. I'm glad that is all over with. I think everything went well. Passing the baton to Anna to take care of stuff is an interesting experience for me in that sometimes I don't know if I SHOULD take care of things or let her take care of them. Everyone is VERY tired with the heat and just being disconnected so I am hoping that in spite of the 4H Fair the next two weeks that we will be able to get somewhat settled and enjoy some of the summer. My thoughts are on the upcoming school year and each kids individual goals and whether I will be able to do everything. I will try to remember what I tell others when they ask "How do you do that?" (parenting eight kids) which the reply is "One day at a time". If everything works out for Anna I know she will have a great time and learn a lot during her experience at IU. I figured out a lot of stuff that I needed to know and I know Anna did too. Two more months til she is off on her journey. My roll as her helper is certainly diminished as I know she is quite capable and not as interested in my every question about stuff so I am sure this is part of my own growing pains.

Tomorrow morning I run out to the bee hives with Erik to see if they even have a beekeeping project to turn in this year. I better get to bed.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sit up please

Sitting up straight or standing straight is more work than you would think. Spending eighteen years with a baby on your hip or nursing is not a recipe for good posture. That is yet another one of those reasons for why I am working on upper body strength. It is HARD. A friend's chiropractor pointed out the nursing thing where a side effect of nursing is bad posture. I had not really thought about that before. Genetics for me is....bad posture. So outside of sticking a stick up my back I need some sort of code word for people to inform me to stand up straighter. If I am tired or relaxing this is also a time where I am not thinking about posture. I don't see this in other moms but mainly with me. Vanity strikes again but there is also avoiding back aches from weak upper body strength. Sigh. Just something more to think about......

I am SO obnoxious

Have you ever been to one of those roundabouts where it is designed for the traffic to keep moving? I could not believe my eyes this morning when this poor woman who clearly had never even attempted one of these things STOPPED at every intersection of the turn. Can America handle these things? I love them and swiftly whipped around it when she finally got off. Poor thing. I am surprised an accident didn't happen.

Then I am so naughty.......I went to Target to get training pants for Stefan and Benjamin was looking a little unkempt with his shoe laces dragging all over the place. I was thinking "someone is going to point out to me that his shoes are untied"........."Wait for it......" ..........."Ma'am. Your little boys shoes are untied" (less than a minute later) I replied with a big smile "Why thank you!!!" in a very sing songy way. Sigh. I did consider walking round and round the store and counting how many times someone told me that. I still wear the tshirt which says "This woman needs all the help she can get because she won't notice these things that you are noticing without help". I know, I know.....he was just being nice but really? I tend to just give moms knowing looks when there little cherubs look less than put together. I had to rush home afterwards to avoid the public and being informed of any other idle information about what is wrong with my children......I am SOOO obnoxious.

Monday, June 22, 2009

A slow, not entirely uneventful day

Time goes VERY slowly when I am at my parent's house. After dropping Martin off at camp, I hung out at my parents most of the day. I can not believe how slowly the day passes here. I usually am so busy at home that there is never enough time to get much accomplished before the day is done. So why do things go so slowly here???? I suppose playing on facebook and watching kids play on the floor and running a two year old to the potty is not exactly a lot of activity. I am glad we did not go on a walk though as I understand it was very hot out today. I guess I didn't notice.

After picking up Martin in the afternoon I called my high school buddy's mom, Mrs. Speckhard, and went over for a quick visit. I expressed my sympathies in the loss of her brother, who until this winter I did not even realize was a 'famous' person. Her brother was Richard Neuhaus. She shared her last week with her brother and how SHE did not even realize HOW well known and respected he was. She knew him in a different way. She was thankful for her time with him and the time she had last spring when he was in Valpo to speak and got to spend a few days with him of course not realizing it was the last visit with her family. Let's just say it is a conversation I will remember for a long time, not because her brother was famous, but because of the love in her voice, the candidness of the conversation, and the thoughtfulness of her comments about her brother's dealing with his own mortality. I pray my children have the same opportunities in life to share in every aspect of this life here on this side of heaven.

We spent the evening lounging around my parent's house and enjoying total down time. This does not happen very often. Stefan is just loving it and all his cute little important proclamations are what I need to hear more often. Who knows how long I will stay up now that the little Ingrid is in bed but seeing how relaxed I'm feeling I don't think I will be up very long. Maybe I will take that walk around campus tomorrow......

On the go

Last week and this week have been VERY busy. We went to the CCA symposium last week and enjoyed every minute of that. Came home Friday night, woke up Saturday morning to take Anna to put a wedding cake together for our Goddaughter who was married later that day. We got home close to eight o'clock in the evening from the whole day's adventures. Sunday I tried to just enjoy the day without sweating the upcoming week and everything I was leaving behind in the line of responsibility.

This morning I packed Martin, Benjamin, Stefan and Ingrid in the car and took off for Valpo to take Martin to Invention Camp at the engineering building on campus. The last time I was in Gellerson was for Charley's Senior Project presentation. It was odd to be there this morning. I suppose Charley and I did go to a class reunion where there was an Engineering reunion as well so it has not been as long as I thought. My parents are in Maine and will be returning tomorrow afternoon. At that point I will only be able to visit for a short time and then take the short people home with me and my parents will be taking Martin for the rest of the week.

Wednesday afternoon Anna, Erik, Ingrid and I take off for Bloomington for Anna's freshman orientation. We will be returning Friday evening. I have a feeling that will be a bit crazy considering Ingrid being with us. Sigh. I am sure I will be the only mom with an infant there. We will figure things out.

Saturday I will be home running around with last minute 4Hfair stuff to get together and Matthew leaves for Boy Scout camp. Martin leaves for Scout camp on Sunday. The fair won't be too bad once we get the few projects we have turned in. We really do not do too much with the fair anymore and from the rest of our life, I can see why. It is not physically possible to do all these things well and I need the least amount of stress possible. I am hoping to really enjoy July and spend time at the pool etc.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A lot of trim was manufactured by dh this week.

This is progress. I have applauded him and am happy with his plan for now tackling other projects. I have gone so far as bribery. Is it bad to bribe him? He is my husband and he seemed fine with the bribe. We'll see if it works. Ok now, the rest of you, no nagging. Just smile and nod your head as progress progresses. He has put A LOT of hours in using those wonderful tools and I will patiently wait for the next step. Patience for that is not so bad. I'll hold my end of the bargain up with too when the 'next project' is DONE! Poor man is like an Egyptian slave with self-induced slave work. Sigh.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Visit with college roommate and family

My college roommate, her husband and three kids came today to play. Her husband is a professional photographer and he took lots of graduation type pictures of Anna. We tried some here at home and then it occurred to me to take them to Tippecanoe Place for a better background etc. I called ahead and they said anyone can take pictures there as long as they are open. It was great! He got pictures of Anna in her new awesome dress and some more casual ones in jeans and casual wear. Very nice. It will be interesting to see how they came out. Anna is pretty and pretty photogenic.

They also came to visit and their kids had a blast. They played and played outside in country land and were not afraid of dirt, bugs, frogs, poison ivy, etc. I sent them home with our Fels Naptha bar of soap in hopes they don't get it. I think they think this place is better than Disney Land. The parents were very happy too as their kids barely said boo to them all day.

The older crew enjoyed talking it up while eating and having a beer or two :o) It was nice to not have to worry too much about exactly what their kids got into as the parents did not seem at all appalled by how dirty they got. Three very blond kids covered from head to toe in dirt. You can't do that at Disney can you? We talked about all sorts of things and not that much about the old times. Mainly it was catch up time. I will have to explore Valparaiso University a little further when I go with Martin in a little over a week. I am curious what has changed and my understanding is it has changed A LOT!

Anyway it was a lot of fun and I did not take a single picture but he took probably as many pictures as I take in a year. Photographers have so much fun. I am sure some of you will see him again sometime. It was a nice graduation present from her Godmother that is for sure. We enjoy them most for their company though. ;o)

People whose last names begin with H

I have chuckled many times about people whose last names begin with H. Our last name is H and then there is another group of H's. Both families have quite the propensity to take on large projects which many people would consider nutty and some people DO consider nutty and have said that to us. Both have hobby farms and are very talented at creating more work for themselves in the name of 'doing it ourselves'. 'Doing it ourselves' means the family has to do strange things like sleep in the barn or yard to redo our homes. We are getting closer to closing the books on that section of our life but.....I do dream of crazy things like adding onto the back of the house to make room for the guests who can't stay here for lack of room. Dreaming, dreaming....... When I hear the H's talk of their adventures at church they have NO IDEA what kindred spirits we are. I am smiling inside thinking of their pain in their endeavors and truly understanding. I LOVE it when some suburbanite tells me how chaotic their life is right now because they are working on a renovation project in their home and I ask "SO what are you working on" and they reply something about painting the mantel in their living room. The church H's current situation reminds me of the time we removed the floor and the outside wall to our kitchen and basically had no kitchen and my in-laws came to visit. To cook I had to run around the house to the grill in back and was pregnant with someone and......we had non-stop rain to deal with. Can you say 'mashed potatoes on the grill?' Very good! You can say it. I SO feel their pain. Every single room has been ripped out of this house. Every wall and exterior everything has been redone. The roof was off when a tornado passed nearby and lets not forget the year Charley dug our basement out by hand and it was jacked up through the winter with varmits eyeing a possible new home and Charley leaving for Europe every other month two feet of snow falling in a day and then melting the next week.....and I was pregnant with someone.

I need to have Mr. H and Mr. H get together and have their own photo sharing time and laugh about their own insanity. The wives can have their own time of laughing about these crazy tendencies. I have a scrap book full of the 17 years of home destruction and construction which is very eye popping and generally not interesting to the public who has not been crazy enough to do such things. Waiting patiently for trim on the walls is far from stressful in comparison.

So H's, know that I TOTALLY understand what you are going through but I am happy for you at the same time that your home will be further along and you will be able to enjoy it more after the pain is over. I laugh and cry with you and understand why the mom is crashing exhausted on the couch at church. I wish I could help you put it all back together. My Mr. H is more like you than you know. Moving furniture AGAIN for dinner guests????? I love you guys. You crack me up. You make this behavior seem more normal to me too and not alone in our crazy endeavors. Can we grow it, chop it up, burn it to heat, preserve it, pick it, feed it, move it, build it, build onto it, feint in exhaustion over the effort in doing it, find it cheap or cheaper somewhere, make it cheaper ourselves? Ah yes, all of this and more. You are kindred spirits and didn't know it.

A friend just gave me a book all about this craziness and her impression when reading it was she exhausted and she knew we were living it. Need I say more????

I really hate housekeeping

This is no news to my mother and other related people but keeping house is not top on my list of things that bring me joy and pleasure. Having eight kids and housecleaning is NOT a great combination either. We cleaned the house all day yesterday and it looked mildly better and frankly I did not think it was that bad to begin with but for some reason it still looked cluttered and chaos like. The house cleaning is generally what puts me in a cranky mood to begin with. If we were not eating then it would be easier. Laundry is also a problem so maybe only wear one outfit a week like people used to do. Work, work, work. Then there is the ten acres to keep up with. Ugh, I am whining again. Ten acres is a lot to keep up with. I love to mow the lawn but if I mow the lawn the garden doesn't get weeded. If I do not exercise like a a maniac my blood pressure goes up. If I do any of those things, I am not paying attention to my little people. If I go out of town I have to have all of the yard work caught up before I go and food lined up or the rest of my family suffers while I am gone and when I return. If I don't leave and go to places like CCA then I feel dried up and start feeling jealous and bitter towards those who can just trip off without a care in the world to do these things.

Believe it or not I am hoping today goes well and everyone has a good time. Friends are coming and they are looking forward to a good time too so I will revel in that. The above paragraph is just my frustrations with never feeling like I can look forward to a day of just resting and not feeling guilty for taking care of myself or just having fun. I DO really hate housecleaning and heaven sounds ever so wonderful in light of the pain that dirt and grime wreck havoc on my psyche here. Who would ever have guessed I would have eight kids and the grime that goes with that. I will try to post something perky soon.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

So much for yesterday's positive thinking

I think it is most likely impossible for me to be content with what gets done today. I seem to hit the overwhelmed point too much and probably need to throw everything away that is not absolutely necessary. There are NO deep thoughts on this subject. There IS endless work and messes and discouragement and frustration. I did have one hilarious moment this morning that will keep me going for the rest of the day no doubt plus Yay! there is a Divine Service this evening - but I won't tell you what was so funny as I might just follow through with 'the plan' as discussed by my partner in crime. Hmmmm......

So I did plan the meals and I am going to go get what I need to make them but that involves leaving my house again and leaving the house is a VERY BAD THING! Never leave home if you can help it. Sigh, sigh, sigh. If I didn't have high blood pressure this morning I am certain I have it now. No ones home that I go to looks as cluttered up as mine. I MUST get rid of the salt water tank and then get rid of LOTS of stuff but a person has to have time to do that too. Yes, I am discouraged and overwhelmed and I know this too will pass for some days in between feeling this way. Please press ignore when reading this as again, this is MY BLOG and I am venting away here. There just IS NOT enough time to get to it all and the fires are everywhere. I also don't seem to know other people who blog about such things so maybe I should push delete. Back to the masses and I hope there are some people out there who might think I know something about what I am doing or at least won't judge me for sometimes having a bad day. Don't most people have bad days or am I kidding myself????? Getting psyched up to throw out more stuff. Anyone want a salt water fish?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Trying to be happy with what I got done today

My to do list is ridiculous. Then there is the human interaction thing as well and I would hate to think that is on a to do list. It does seem like most of my days I spend trying to put out as many fires as possible and line up the troops with the water brigade to be the most effective with our time. "Are they getting any smarter? Check. Are the floors disgusting? Check. Who can clean them or is it faster to do it myself? Check. Any bills languishing in my room? Check." and so on and so forth. So why do I feel if I have gotten a lot done in one day that makes it a better day than if I had a headache and slugged around. Perhaps my children enjoyed my sluggardliness more than being put to task on the day with the headache? I have been musing on my stress level related to my contentedness or lack of content with each day. I've been told my blood pressure is border line. Hmmmm.....I would rather not go the medication route as I have heard nasty stories about that but I'm pondering how much my stress level or self perceived stress level is related to my health. It seems there is some sort of connection between them. If I don't get a lot done I shouldn't freak out as I am certain that does not help the stress.

My other stress buster idea is 'try harder' to plan meals and the house cleaning a little more. These two should not put me under the table. Organization and accountability to keeping any sort of sense of routine have never been my strong suit but when some doctor is threatening meds I think it is time for me to get over it and make a little time to tackle this. I envision this wondrous plan going to pot if I find myself expecting any other little Horner (don't feint mom, this is not an announcement just a musing) and THAT would be the time I would MOST need to keep blood pressure in check. This is most likely too much information for most people but this IS MY blog after all and I might want a good kick in the pants to keep on top of such things if this were ever the case.

SO......rather than spend too much time gazing at Facebook entertainment and reading too many blogs I should give MYSELF a good kick in the pants and go plan the meals for the rest of this week and next while I will be gone. Everyone will thank me and I might not bite their heads off so much either. Sigh. Organization.....perserverance......self-discipline.......phew!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Charley and his Dad

I had fun stalking Charley and his dad with the camera. The two of them had a nice visit with one another. We took a long walk to their garden together. I like the black and white effect.

Stinky weather

I LOVE taking my kids to the pool in the summer but 65 to 67 degrees stinks. I was hoping to have friends to the pool tomorrow but will have to wait to the weekend I think. This is just a short whiney post. I will have to make today a 'get stuff done' day and try not to drive myself into the ground working. I have a great tendancy toward overdoing it. The day will pass quickly and hopefully some things will improve around here.

Ingrid is beckoning and I am sure is looking forward to her grub so will stop whining and go take care of the little person.

Monday, June 08, 2009

A simple 101

I have a few things as an insignificant layperson that I would love to tell someone. This is sort of in response to a comment I made to Susan in the previous post or at least an explanation. CCA is a wonderful thing. I love it. I have also read A LOT about such things on my own through various books I have picked up at the Sem and other places. I probably have said it before but much of my life was spent trying to 'figure things out' in the church. My confirmation process was far from memorable and that was not even in the LCMS but I don't think it was a lot different from the LCMS in process. We went over some cute books with fill in the blank obvious answers and it was taught by lay people with no training.

As a 'grown up' (if I can manage to act like one), I have met many older people who spoke fondly of their knowledge of the catechism and still remembered it. I know I have written about that before. This knowledge seemed sort of elusive to me and I wanted to know it myself. So FINALLY I have pastors who are telling me what I want and need to hear. Phew. Fortunately for me when I hear such instruction it just makes sense to me and I am certainly not wired to question, question, question what I hear. I just find it a relief to have pastors who are willing to take the time to TELL me these things EVERY week from the pulpit, in Bible class and in the hallways, highways and byways. If the pastors explain something new, I seem to just have a knack for understanding it in my quiet little brain by my quiet little self.

Then there are people like my cute engineering husband who could hear a lot of deep thinking explanations and it frankly goes over his head. He TOO was deprived of hearing the word of God in instruction and being catechized along the way in a catechized for life sort of way. The emphasis seems to have been mostly on how to 'make this church thing' work to see how we can get more members. What the man loves the most to hear is the sermon on Sunday and Bible class learning about David and Saul etc. The 'deep' stuff escapes him. It is not that the deep question stuff is bad, it just loses him in the process.

My cute engineering husband has not had the opportunity to have a bare bones course similar to Higher Things. That statement is not pointed at my already overworked pastors but it just seems to me I would love to find a conference or weekend spent where he could just go and hear the basics of worship, catechism, and the good old simple gospel etc for him. I know he is not alone in this as I know other people my age who also missed out on such things and are simply exhausted from worrying about programing etc (not members of Emmaus....yet) and whether the church is pulling in the members. I can recognize the symptoms of the exhausted church member who is starving for the Gospel. I think Charley and I are recovered from such exhaustion as we are going on our third year at Emmaus. Perhaps it would be a nice retreat or something. I don't know. I am just thinking out loud here. But.....CCA is a bit much for him as well as many deep questions that come up at church and people could just say that if he just stuck with it he would learn it eventually but his mind is not made up that way. Some people are just not patient enough I suppose for deep theology. He is the one who should really be the Higher Things chaperon as he would benefit from it. Sigh. No. I am not trying to whine but trying to explain that not every member of the church is suited for long hours of deep theology even though this particular man's wife loves and craves it and practically speaking can't do that sort of thing all the time. I suppose I should have thought of the chaperon thing before but I do know that is the sort of thing he would enjoy and the Higher Things conference is supposed to be for the youth anyway. Higher THings conference for the adults????? Now there is thought. My dear husband is not alone I know or there would not be such an issue with too many chaperons at the conferences.

Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone but my 'looking at the big picture' mind has been thinking about these things and I suppose I thought it was worth sharing.


There is not much else that I love as much as having people over for dinner and being able to spend time with them. I have no doubt I would do it more often and I suppose as the kids get older I probably will. I don't think I will go as far as my Aunt in Maine, whom I never see, who built her home for the sole purpose of having people over but I suppose I have the 'love of cooking and seeing other people enjoy themselves gene.'

Believe it or not we have very little family. We see my parents quite often as they only live an hour away and they too have been at many a function with an extra ten to twenty or more people at it. Fortunately we have many friends who I think enjoy our company and we love theirs so they are our adopted family. The other people who are actually family have limitations that prevent them from coming so from the time left in the craziness of raising our children and managing their schedules, we go to see Charley's parents a few times a year.

Hospitality itself is a way to be able to share something of myself with others and to be able to enjoy them too. It is hard for people to really know much of anything about a mom of eight if their perception is clouded by my running to change diapers or feed or quiet an infant. How can anyone get to know me on that basis? I love opportunities to get to know them better too so why not create them? If we overwhelm others then the problem is solved by having others come to me. Ironically, most of my friends also have lots of kids so for those friends what is eight, ten, fifteen extra anyway? (No - I am not fishing for an invitation from them to have my whole family over -they already do that themselves from time to time).

The other thing about hospitality is that I want my children to be able to think outside themselves as they move on to their own lives and families. Hospitality is a lost art I think. It is especially lost as far as people considering having not just parents of friends over but their children too. Why would a person ever THINK to have a family with a whole bunch of kids over anyway???? That would be crazy (sarcasm). I will have to post the pictures from Erik's bday party last fall where there were mobs of kids in our field playing games or at least trying to.

Thank you friends for putting up with me and thank you that you come to my not always pristinely cleaned home with a hairy dog that lives here and eyes your children's sandwiches. I love my family family, but I also love my adopted family. Too bad that responsibility thing stands in the way of not partying more. :o)

Thursday, June 04, 2009

In need of reducing stress

The month of June is looming ahead of me and somehow I would like to make it as stress free as possible. Considering the amount of events going on I am not sure that will be entirely possible. I am going to have to really be on top of having the kids help with keeping on top of things. I am doing my best, but I think I am making myself more stressed trying to get to everything. I suppose that also means I am going to have to be satisfied with less getting done or at least whatever it is taking more time. I can be such the stress woman. Summer is supposed to be down time in most people's minds but it certainly has not struck me that way when I look at what is ahead. I will be gone for almost two weeks this month!!!! Ugh. I hope my dear husband has processed that. I will have to get some food cooked ahead so his month does not go to the dogs just trying to help keep up around here. How many ways can I say "keep up with stuff around here." Schedule, schedule, schedule.....I am such a seat of my pants sort of person this will certainly be a challenge. Planning ahead to reduce stress smacks of that FlyLady. She is very wise and that is the only way I will survive this lovely month. People might start singing "Where have all the Horner's gone" as I won't be here to haul them. Perhaps a few could be picked up here and there so their lives are not totally turned up-side-down.

On to the next thing......

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Finally got below pre-pregnancy weight

So I have proved to myself that it is possible for me to lose weight and didn't take too many months. That is encouraging. I still would like to keep working on this as there is the pre-prepregnancy weight that might only be a dream but dreams are nice sometimes. My wardrobe is again a big mess as I now have to hunt down the old wardrobe that fit once in awhile. I have not exercised much in well over a week what with that life thing getting in the way. I am hoping for a walk this evening with Cindy since biking is most likely out. I gave blood this afternoon and walking with Cindy is not quite as strenuous and I could always use a therapy session as an added bonus.

I have also discovered that I am not even able to stuff myself too full anymore as eating less makes for less room in the tummy wummy. Yay!

I need to go tackle my little closet so it is not spilling all over with the clothes I am not using anymore. Life is sometimes complicated.

A trip back in time

On our anniversary I unearthed the letters that I wrote to Charley while he was working here in South Bend and I was finishing up at Valpo. Wow. That was weird. I thought his letters were in there too but apparently not. I have not dug all the way through the pile and there are so many of them we only read six or seven. The common summer theme was my concern for my tan. Now I just get a tan by existing. I also detect that we should have gotten married sooner. What was THAT all about. True I would have lost my free tuition but what a love sick creature. I do hope that I will support my children if they find themselves in a similar situation and hope I will not have them playing a waiting game for the sake of what people do nowadays. Sure these letters also drip with how young I was but despite being a love sick couple and being somewhat young for marraige by today's standards, I know we could have handled it. I do recall a lot of opinion by the family, which I know they meant well and followed the norms of the day, but I also recall much discussion between Charley and I of eloping. I love the quote of a pastor friend of mine "parents seem more comfortable that their children fornicate and wait to get married rather than their kids getting married so they don't fornicate." (or something like that). We may have 'made it to the wedding day' but in retrospect that extra stress seemed a more than a bit ridiculous. My drippy letters which will remain for Charley and my eyes only till we're dead attest to all of this. (No I didn't write smutty letters) It is the sentiment of the letters that make it obvious to me that playing the proper waiting to get married till you graduate routine foolish in retrospect.

Can't change that for the two of us now but I can certainly think about it for the future with my kiddos.