Sometimes I just wear myself out and find myself difficult to live with. I have been ‘sensitive’ all my life and sort of get sick of how easy it is to set myself to tears. Other people just seem so strong and never fall apart in public.....sigh. Today I have been processing (again) how to help one of my kids on their journey through this fun thing called school and planning for their future. It is easy to say “remember, don’t despair” but when the future seems interminably far away with such huge question marks of how to get there, it is just wearing both for the child and the parent. I know this is true for all of my children but I think it is the times of struggle that I just feel very deeply for my kids. I should never dare to go sing a hymn in the sanctuary at such times as it ends in my feeling foolish for not being able to ‘hold it together’. What is it about hymns that sends me into a tail spin I don’t know but that is the way it is for me.
So I sit and talk with my child about all these things and see the pain and impatience in his eyes and his own personal frustration coming out and I just wish I could fix it for him. “Why does everything have to be so difficult for me to learn mom?" Well dear, on the brighter side you will definitely know the meaning of patience. He has more patience than most of my kids but has the same problem as me and shows his emotions on his sleeve.
I was encouraged by another homeschooling mom that she felt she could help with some areas and that would be great. It gives me some reason to hope that it won’t have to be completely mind boggling for him. Doing things in a hands on manner does make more sense than just reading explanations of ideas and trying to wrap your fingers around it.
So……I will kick myself and my children to bed so we can face tomorrow. Never mind the fact that we are behind in house work (understatement). The future seems a long way off and a mountain of stuff to accomplish but thankfully our Lord is patient with me as well and still loves me and that is probably the explanation for why hymns set me off……