Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Knew that would happen

Any frustration I might express about longing for some sort of refreshment was not so surprisingly met with "Well, what do you expect with all those kids?" See~ I should not look forward to refreshment or long for it since I've "chosen" to have all these kids. Very interesting. Those who 'choose' to have one or two have earned their right to refreshment since they don't have so many kids. They must have been smart. I'm not at all saying what others should or shouldn't do but it sure is interesting to me that I should not have feelings in this regard because of of my number of children. Hmmmm.........that sort of feeling to me goes right along with people's feelings of what I owe them in the line of communication. It is the same as other people deciding for me what I should and should not be doing. I suppose I should NOT feel any amount of burn out or fatigue, I should just be constantly delighted and happy. Hmmm.............hope that works for other people and I doubt I am making much sense to some. It is not just a 'poor me'. It's reality that I can feel overwhelmed and tired and why am I not allowed to long for some time to just visit with a bunch of people I only hear from via the internet or to just sit and listen to some great talks that interest me. Really Karin, you should just be happier and more content. I will work on that folks. Sorry if I have shocked or offended any of you. Sigh. I WILL look forward to band next week and I do hope to have some weekends with no obligations coming up so I can address the chaos and perhaps find time to just read a book or visit with a friend quietly with no expectations from me. Some women are just much more perky than I am and better at just being home with all their little kiddos. I sometimes just enjoy quiet and a laugh or two to lighten the atmosphere.

4 comments:

organistsandra said...

No suggestions here. Just a note to say I've read your posts and it weighs on my heart to know you're struggling.

Isn't it helpful that we can think about where we are in life in terms of vocation instead of choice? Knowing that being a mother is a vocation given you by God might not make you feel more perky or less overwhelmed, but you can at least take comfort in knowing this is a God-given vocation. Of course the devil knows that too, so he'll keep jabbing you.

I ordered a book for us - one for you, one for me, and a couple more. Sight unseen, because it's just coming out (maybe it's not actually out yet - this was a pre-order), but it looks really good. Maybe a few of us could do a little book club, even if it's just one book and we have to discuss it on-line. I'll only say that much for now and let you wonder what it's about. :-)

Karin said...

Every year I go through this and I understand the vocation in life thing and I can feel quite like a failure in that department. I DO go through this every year and sort of feel as if it is taboo to state my feelings. Not from you but life in general. It is not acceptable. I put too many expectations on myself in this vocation and honestly need some help in the parental realm to help prevent me from going bonkers. That would be the 'tuition' we can't afford. A little more help to relieve the stress or help the kids straighten out and figure out how not to just whine and cry about every little thing. This homeschooling the masses is HARD! Even before I had so many this winter issue has been a struggle though and I have to exercise and do something about my own imbalances but need support to do so. It is there but the issue becomes more complicated the more kids there are. Should I trade some in?????? Absolutely not. Can I expect others to understand? No. It is the way God made me and literally every year my brain is strained in this way. SOrry if I offend. I think I do have sympathy for those with similar struggles. I am always open to any discussion of any book though so sure. Charley and I are hopefully going out to eat sometime soon to discuss this whole thing. There is no easy answers. The rest of the world can just tell me that I should do this or that and all will be better but that is not always the case. I will look forward to having a chat about any book that seems of interest to you and may be to others. Rambling here........I do think that I can help others though understand that life is not always to everyone how it seems on the surface. I have a great sympathy to fellow strugglers and do appreciate anyone's ability to express that these things can be hard for them too.

OH..........if only people could see life in terms of vocation instead of their choices. Sigh. We are so hard on each other for other peoples choices. Sigh. I am sure I shouldn't blog on such things.

Untamed Shrew said...

Blog away! I read this after reading Gauntlet's comment on CSPP. I only have 3 (living), but empathize with every word you said. It was *refreshing* to know I am not alone! My husband is pastor of a church where everyone has their 2.1 children and then is "done". I am told "I don't know how you do it, I could never handle that" nearly every Sunday, mainly because I have no help in the pew, my middle child has autism and I sing in the choir. I summon every ounce of restraint to keep from snapping, "Some of us believe that God knows better than we do! He knows what I can handle and where my breaking point is. As for "all these kids", some of us trust His word that they are a blessing, a heritage and a reward."

But I usually just smile and nod. :-)

Karin said...

Thank you for someone admitting that they might struggle!!!! I feel like some evil person for feeling tired or frustrated. There are some answers which I have thought about and..........will most likely blog about.........