With kids from age 17 to two weeks, I have been thinking a lot of how I can best serve them all. I suppose someone could callously tell me that I chose to have them all but that really is not what I am thinking about. I don't give a hoot about that view. I am thinking sincerely how best I can serve all of them. Who gets my full attention or at least most of it and when. Ingrid's doctor perhaps did not mean to imply that I would need to supplement the feeding of Ingrid as she is at the moment doing great with lots of wet and messy diapers, but I did sort of feel his statement of "You are not supplementing right now" leaned towards meaning I would some time soon. For some moms nursing is a cinch and they don't have to monitor their resting and drinking times so closely. After our experience with Stefan, I know that I have to.
How do I rest and remember to drink enough when there is laundry to do, meals to prepare, kids to help with their schoolwork and a toddler who has given up naps and has a regular loony time in the late afternoon. When I help the older kids with schoolwork, the younger ones look at me with their not always smiling faces (Benjamin is almost always smiling) and without words plead for attention. So I have to plan some way to include them in this school time. When do I do that?
This sounds pretty whiny but these are real questions that I am wrestling with. I have to accept my limitations and reevaluate much of my life as it has been for years. There is an impossible amount of things that demand my attention, but frankly sometimes I would just like to relax and spend time with friends or veg out in front of good movie rather than chase after all the household demands. I am trying to schedule the smaller children in but the tomatoes do still glare at me from the garden.
Ramble, ramble, ramble. Beautiful Ingrid is happy with life as it is right now and I want her to have what the older kids had as babies. Stefan just had too many issues to have the full benefit of a successful nursing relationship and I am OK with that, but at my age and knowing this little one could very well be our last, I would like to enjoy her babyhood no matter how inconvenient that is to house beautiful etc. Sigh.
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