Thursday, January 22, 2009

Sadness and swallowing my pride

It is always a tough day when I realize I am not cutting the mustard any longer in providing for my baby. I have been through the turmoil of 'trying to do things better' and try to hang onto exclusively breastfeeding my little person and frankly it is the better thing for me to do to just shove some cereal (or beef ;O)) into her and put her back onto the road of weight gain. Yes, I spent an hour or two wondering when this happened yesterday as her last appointment showed her climbing up the weight percentile scale. Sigh. Solids are a pain and messy but I usually cave a month from now with solids with the rest of the kids anyway. Ingrid will be five monthstomorrow. I always feel a little pang of sorrow when I even hear mention of people struggling with leaking all over the place. None of that going on here.

So, shut up Karin, keep doing the next thing that you are given to do and Ingrid will still keep her cute smiley self and not be scarred by solids at five months. I should be glad I made it this far. January was a crazy month and hardly a restful one so I shouldn't be so surprised.

Oh, I figured this out through mere suspision that she had stopped gaining and through dragging her to the scale at my friend the doc's.

Oh......tread lightly if you feel the need to discuss this with me. Only words of "I am sure this is hard for you" will go over too well right now. The nursing mother brain can spiral into being inadequate, not trying hard enough, judging myself, etc. Understanding this concept is perhaps difficult for the population who has never nursed their baby, let alone eight of them. Anna was prematurely put on the bottle, solids etc at the coercion of others, Erik was the most talented at growing and eating, Matthew made it to nine month before solids (wow), Martin was 6 months, Cecilia five, Benjamin 6, Stefan 6 but should have been 4 probably, and so now Ingrid is five. I suppose that is average for me.

Sniff, sniff, where did I put those little spoons anyway and NO I do not need new ones.

1 comment:

Lauriinnc said...

You are inspiring me actually! My "baby" nursed til he was 2 1/2 and 14 yo dd was mortified and kept yelling at me, but he and I both loved it so much! (I did feel so much better when he stopped though..she was actually right!) When I found out #10 was coming along 9 in 4 1/2 more months), I promised myself I would wean by age one NO MATTER WHAT this time unlike the last three or so don't feel bad, you are doing what works best for YOUR baby! :) Maybe I can be strong and do it that way too.