Starting the new school year

Well, we are stumbling along but getting something done. I am very excited to implement the Literary Analysis program that I did a few years back with Anna. No offense to Anna but I would like to push these kids a little more to do a lot more with it. I see the reason behind the authors madness to write, write, write, in different forms and emphasis and perhaps I will even do it with them to get my brain working a little better as well. The program reminds me of the "This is Your Brain on Music" book in that he has them writing regularly and I have impressed on the kids that the more they write the easier it will be. I am excited for them.

There is the usual mayhem of the little people vying for my attention which can be a little heart breaking at times as there is only one of me. I am trying to get the kids so they can work a little more independently and not need so much explanation from me. Perhaps I will have more time for the little people then. Sigh. The older kids really should not need me to hold their hands too awfully much now so here's hoping this will work.

I am also slowly catching up on stinky laundry, camping mess and not be tempted to work only on that in light of school days tripping by. Yes, it is only day two but it seems like I can not waste a day. If my beginning is sloppy so goes the rest of the year. I am happy to be co-oping with another family again but do not want my days at home to just be recovery days from coop days.

I have also noticed that my blood pressure went WAY down over vacation. Interesting. I suppose if my life only comprised of taking little boys to the bathroom on their little tractors, donning their helmets for every trip down the road to the potty, then my blood pressure would stay down. I spent a couple hours one evening just cleaning up owies and bandaging them. (that was sort of yucky really). "Now kids, you really must keep these owies clean or they will get infected. Mommy does not always have time to chase after your wounds......" So goes that evening. Now I am home, chasing after appointments and bills and trying not to spend too much money on food and running around. "Where are Ingrid's winter clothes?" I ask frustrated by another thing to find. She grew and it feels like fall outside and, and, and.......calm down Karin dear.

Well, off to help Matthew in another gourmet meal from the galloping gourmet Matthew. Thank the Lord for help in the kitchen.

It took all summer

I dreaded yesterday all summer but it has come and gone and I survived. I am pleased with my 'plan' of having stayed there camping all week as we were able to go visit one afternoon and then to go to church with her on Sunday was awesome. It gave me a chance to see her settling in, dealing with the weird things that have happened and handling them and also to see her happy and excited about the new stuff in her life. She is genuinely happy and I am happy for her. I think it would have been a lot harder for me to just drop her off on Wednesday then go home. Charley got a chance to stomp around campus as well and he is very impressed with what he sees there. He takes note that the many opportunities at IU were just not available when we were at Valpo. I am not sure they are available now at Valpo.

I did my crying over the summer and I am sure I will have my moments especially at church but I think I am prepared to move on and we are having much fun chatting on the phone about all her adventures there. I could not be happier for her if I tried. I don't think I will talk less with her but actually more in many ways. It is hilarious to hear her observations and sort of live through her. I suppose many would say we are disgustingly close but I certainly would never deprive her the opportunities she is having there to just keep her close at home. If I disappear some weekend you will know where I am.

Now if only I had my school stuff more organized for the kids at home!!!! I am sort of exhausted from last week and know there are still tons of things to do around the house. Better get cracking.......

Last day

Today is the last full day at home with the Anna until Thanksgiving most likely. We had the most interesting time at Target looking for some storage containers to put her 'dresser' like stuff in. I am SO glad Charley is taking her and her stuff on Wednesday as he is all business and will be able to help with the roommate sharing aspect of her room. I did tell her that as far as her room went to just leave it a mess and I would take care of it when I found the time (hopefully before Thanksgiving). I must admit my chest sort of ached a few times today. It still does. I MUST keep the tear duct pipe in check. I will certainly miss her Anna self popping in and out of the house and probably most of all her Anna self not being at church will be most difficult. She has had the wonderful opportunity to play A LOT this past year. I guess I just expect her to be there playing. Sorry Sandy. I especially enjoyed forgetting she was playing and thinking to myself, "wow that was great" and then realizing it was Anna and not Sandy. It is her presence I suppose that will be missed the most. I know there are others who have made more long term goodbyes and they are in my prayers A LOT but I will still miss my daughter dear.

Need to go get ready for church.

Starting to feel nauseated and keeping busy

I took Anna out on another 'figure out what else we need to pick up' for school trip. We said we were getting her ready for first grade since last year we talked about her first day of kindergarten. She had a good year btw and even learned how to count and say her abc's in German well enough to test out of three semesters at IU! Not too shabby. Anyway, while we were out thinking hard about what else we were forgetting (already thought of something), we talked about her schedule and the fact that she most likely will not be back in South Bend till Thanksgiving. Sigh. I am sure I shouldn't even be writing about this and I have been doing my best to shove these thoughts to the back of my mind. I hope to go down in October, perhaps my birthday weekend (Matthew's bday too) to see her and spend a little time together as her schedule allows. She is organizing her clothes so I can easily put her winter clothes in the car to take down to her then.

She is my daughter and really my best friend outside of the hubby. We think out loud together and reprimand each other together, and are silly together, serious, working etc. together. She has been a very good daughter to me and I will miss her. I know she has a lot of growing up to do too but is confidently forging ahead. I am certainly THANKFUL for the Internet and cell phones in this case and know that we will still talk.

In the meantime, we will continue to have a nice time together and I am keeping busy with preparing for our vacation and school and finishing up what she needs for the fall. I will try not to puke as this comes to mind.

There have been some looks of pity come Anna's direction but really I do not pity her. She is excited and ready to learn and work towards her goals. I don't think that at all means that she will not miss her family. I don't think she will miss any of us as much as she will miss her baby sister and little Fefan. I have observed her squeezing the stuffing out of them lately and holding them tight and long. Isn't it great that any young person her age would so value the tiniest brother and sister in her life. They will grow and change the most while she is away.

I need to proceed with the day. Off to keep busy!

Sense and Sensibility

I took time out this afternoon while folding laundry to watch Sense and Sensibility again with my kids. I love that movie and I love that story. I've never read the book and perhaps I can squeeze that in somewhere, but I find it astoundingly refreshing that the characters actually seemed concerned about their reputations. If ONLY people gave a hoot about preserving their innocence or even in their wonderful unspoken fashion protected each other's reputations and their basic need to stay pure till they were able and ready to be married. I know that those stories are fiction but still, I do think people actually thought about such things once upon a time. They actually stopped to consider appearances of too intimate of conversation between two people of the opposite sex and perhaps gossiped about who liked who or who was spending time with who. Now it just seems excepted that young people date around, have intimate times via time together or on the Internet with the whole chat thing. I can see some benefits to chatting in that people can live far apart but still, it seems a little odd to me at times. I could have titled this post The Internet as well or perhaps I might rant on about that in another post. It just makes me sad at times that the Internet can pull us away from our families who live in the same house with us and promote relationships with others that can be more than they should between very young people. I have not pushed the Internet with my boys at all thus far, although I think it would be nice for them to some degree as everyone else seems to be so dependant on it. My boys don't have tons of friends and maybe that is why but really, when I was their age (and yes I was a girl) I went to my friends homes or called them on the phone to talk and I could tell all their intonations and expressions for what they were. The Internet has caused problems even for my family in misunderstanding both from within and without.

I can remember a time when perhaps I had four kids, that the email groups became way too much of an obsession for me and an escape. I neglected my kids and my family and shouldn't have done that. It is still somewhat of a draw and I am processing that but am also processing how to direct my kids with all of this. I suppose my boys are not very interesting to other boys their age as they do not watch sitcoms, play video games, use the Internet, or chat with everyone at church online. I wish they had some more intimate friends (boys) to share guy time with but for now Boy Scouts for Matthew and adults for Erik is the way it goes. I was VERY happy for them at the Higher Things conference that they had some pal around time with friends. They have some occasional get togethers with other boys but that is not that often. I hope we can work on that some more. Oh.....this makes me think that some people may suggest they line up more of a social life but frankly I have told them they are free to invite people over and we try but life is busy and they really are not suffering poor mes over anything. It is their mother who worries about it more than they do.

I should have made this two separate posts but I guess I still may ramble on about this later. Keep in mind this post is about Horner culture and life, the later part. Everyone makes different choices and I suppose I will ramble on about some life wisdom I have imparted to them in another post. I have been thinking a lot about all those conversations as Anna is getting ready to leave and I am very pleased with her confidence and definite opinions regarding herself and relationships with other young people around her. We all have room to grow and she certainly does too but overall she is very balanced. She is much more balanced than I was at that age. I thought I was just all so wise and wonderful and certainly wiser than my parents and other adults. Oh brother. I think that did travel through a lot of my college days. I see this in the young people around me and it makes me feel older anyway to hear myself thinking the same things that were prattled on at me by older people then. College kids have very little life experience in the way of supporting themselves, taking care of others, having kids and responsibilty, thinking about other people besides themselves and......that is normal and natural. Of course they haven't . I do think Anna has learned A LOT in her assistance around the house and she really is not very critical of me at all or acting superior. I am proud of her and I love her a lot. Better stop typing now.

Self Discipline

Ugh. I HATE self discipline. I am not sure I know anyone who LOVES it. This getting older thing is a pain. I know that if I exercise my blood pressure stays in check. If I don't, it doesn't. I did great on exercise from March till July and then for all the busyness got out of the habit. I look at the schedule and wonder if I will be able to fit it in if I am feeling worn down by the schedule and perhaps snow and ice outside? I am not a fan of indoor exercise so can I manage to actually get up early and do that before the kids get up? Really? Even earlier if I want that cup of decaf and a few moments of quiet time before the milk spilling and cereal dumping. Please bug me people to keep up on this.

I undid my decaffeinating of myself. I buckled and started making Charley regular coffee and couldn't wait till mine was made. NO SELF DISCIPLINE. Weak I am. I am pretty sure coffee and chocolate (love it) are also at the root of my new problems. They of course contribute to my shaky hands which is also a genetic problem. I am very thankful I did NOT inherit the arthritis problem which my poor brother is now suffering with. Each generation has picked a victim for that issue. My brother has been battling the arthritis since at least late thirties so this is not a new thing for him but just one that seems to effect new areas.

It seems basically true that everyone has some self discipline issues whether it is health issues, money management, house cleaning habits, preparing for things like classes or papers or presentations. I don't think I am alone on this one. I don't think I know anyone who has it all together and if they appear to have it all together now then......they will turn 40. :o) 40 somethings must be the decade that we more fully appreciate the finite creature understanding of our lives and I have no doubt that will become even clearer in the 50s. The main issue is not that we don't know what we need to do to overcome our issues of self-discipline since I am sure that is glaringly obvious in each case - spend less, eat less, clean with routines routinely, prepare early for what is coming up, and DON'T DRINK REGULAR COFFEE!!!!! PASS BY THE CHOCOLATE IN THE CHECK OUT AISLE!!!!! Pathetic. Yes Pastors......my sinful nature is alive and well.

I just get tired of weak me not having the self discipline to simply make these issues go away. I am a sad example for my kiddos in many respects and can hardly criticize them for the issues they suffer through. We can encourage one another through and try not to let it pull us under the table. I TELL my kids to nag me about not drinking coffee and drinking enough water etc. I suppose they can feel some satisfaction in that their poor mother needs all the help she can get. Besides these little health bumps I can hardly complain but feel pretty sheepish for my inability to pass up chocolate and my quick dash to the coffee maker upon falling asleep in mid-afternoon. Sigh.

We are off on a family bike ride this evening so I suppose my blood pressure will be in check for another day. Feel free, like I said to nag or encourage me in this regard.

Remembering Redeemer

I've been in contact the last few weeks between Anna's graduation and a few other instances, with people from our old church. The hardest thing for me to do when we left was to leave the people we loved. My kids had so many grandparents and I had so many people who just watched out for me that was most certainly hard to say goodbye and I am sure it was confusing to them. I was expecting my seventh child at the time. Well one of the grandmas called again recently. She has actually called a few times this summer. The first time she called to share with me that her daughter's youngest child got married. This might seem a little out of the blue as lots of people's grandchildren get married but Carly was special to the Horners and especially special to Charley as when she was a toddler Charley just stared at her sweeetness and thus......we had Anna. Carly's grandma knew that as of course Charley had to tell her over and over how cute Carly was and how badly he wanted a little girl of his own. Well, now Carly is married and her grandma was sweet to remember that.

Anna plays the organ the last Sunday before she goes at Redeemer and at first she seemed regretful as she loves Emmaus (there is a Divine Service on Monday though :o)) but then she remembered all her 'grandparents' at Redeemer who still love her and are proud of her and stop us on the street to tell us how much we mean to them. Sigh. This part is still hard. It is not wrong that we switched but we lost contact with a lot of Grandparents as a result. There were many members who did offer to lend a hand to make sure I got a break or whatever. Needing a break is not quite as critical as it was as my oldest kids are pretty reliable. I still am not able to just go to events such as last weeks conference very easily as I hate burdening my older kids with the little kids so that I can 'go have fun or soak up a seminar.' This will not change for quite a while I have no doubt. My leaving the home with older kids and the baby is also not always the best as my dear husband appreciates me being home for a reason.......he does get a little overwhelmed and my vocation is not his vocation so it is still not 'simple' to just leave. This can be sort of frustrating. I think I leave some sort of impression on people that I can just handle life all the time but I frankly am not that good at it all the time. I want my older kids to gain the benefit of the social times with other like minded people but am torn by the burden at home and the inevitable neglect of my little people. Too bad there isn't a train like Hogwarts has to transport them where they need to go. I am not sure if there is a Marshall retreat this year so haven't even started agaonizing over that but maybe I can figure out something. Boy.....that got a little off topic. The funny thing and good thing about Emmaus is that we are not the freaks with tons of kids as there are many large families. We don't stand out as people who might need help. There is no easy solution to that except to perhaps ask around and see if there are other families who might need help when it comes to these special events. I still will struggle with not always going with but I am also struggling with my own kids puppy eyes when they wish they could go too.

Ingrid gets a dress

Ingrid now belongs to the privaleged group who possess a dress made by Anna. It is adorable. I will have to wait till she has eaten her breakfast to put it on her. Of course I will also have to put a picture up. She is not old enough to appreciate this incredible event but we will have to preserve the memory for her so some day she will look back and know her oldest sister remembered her little self.

Now the sewer is stubbornly not getting up even though her two year old brother is in her room 'shooting' her and yelling boom, boom, boom......such a boy. I bet he won't get a dress. It is Tuesday morning and time to get ready for piano lessons X4. I hope to get a quick pool trip in this afternoon plus more cleaning of my disastor room and mount laundry.

Speaking of cleaning my room. I mentioned to mother yesterday that I was cleaning my room and she said it sounded like I was a kid. "What did you do today Karin" asked the mom. "I cleaned my room Mom." Ah, just like old times right? My room is better known as 'where to dump stuff when you don't know what to do with it' room.

Piano is going well. Matthew has proudly memorized his piano piece and I can tell is truly paying attention to what is needed. Yay! Cecilia has quite the knack for paying attention to what is asked as well. Anna is winding down her piano lesson career before leaving in two weeks. She will spend her last morning in South Bend at piano lessons. Martin is plugging away at his lessons as well. In my data base I must remember to push the boy to actually learn his notes better than he knows them now. It has been nice actually to hear people playing scales. Who knew that would be something to be enjoyed. I remember playing horn scales ad nauseam (spelling?). I am not sure my parents enjoyed that. Which reminds me. I need to find space in my impossible fall schedule to practice the horn so I can play in church again.

Off to the races!

What's new

Last week we had the pleasure of having Lydia with us for most of the week. It was very nice to have another older girl around. I hope she didn't think we were too loud as she is nice and quiet. We spent a lot of time at the pool and then took a wonderful trip to Evanston, IL for some fabric shopping, consignment store gazing, and book shopping. I only bought one book about cathedrals in Europe. It explains all the different features and the history. Since I have been to several of them it looked interesting to me. We are also studying the Middle Ages and Renaissance this year so perhaps I can sound like I know what I am talking about when we talk about Cathedrals. I studied them a little in college in an art history class and enjoyed it then so maybe that will help too.

I really don't know what all else to write about. Anna has been sewing like crazy and I have been trying to stay awake. I think I am addicted to caffeine again which is a bad thing so will have to work towards weaning myself off again. Ugh. My cute little health issues all point towards NOT drinking caffeine. It took quite a while to get off of it the last time so MAYBE I can succeed a little faster this time. My allergies make me fall asleep in a chair too.

School is just a few weeks away and I think I have everything figured out and just need to place my school order. I need to get on that SOON or I won't have what I need in time. I think I am getting ready mentally to tackle school again. I just hate accepting the fact that summer is almost over and feel like I did not soak in enough happy rays to help carry me through my winter blahs. I hope to keep biking as long as possible and have the clothes to help get me through for quite awhile.

I need to hunt down some boxes for the Anna dear tomorrow. I am not sure where to find any. There is always the liquor store I suppose.

Well, this is not a very exciting post as per usual but will push post anyway.

List too long

In the next two weeks I have a ton to do. My allergies are leaving me pretty tired and the day to day mess that ten people create is not staying clean. I don't know where to begin but then I also don't want to just work, work, work. The pool closes in three weeks and then I know that I will have to stop having fun and get back to the business of school. On my current list I have honey extraction, tomatoes to harvest and put up, house/laundry to keep up on, cooking so we don't spend money on the easy stuff, lawn mowing with a mower that doesn't like to work, school plans, school order, potty training the two year old, helping dh with his goals and aspirations, (fun when I can have it), helping Anna with whatever she needs to get ready to go, camping to prepare for, and, and, and......oh yes, daily nagging about math, piano practicing, dishes.....and, and......

Ok, this is why I haven't been blogging. My mind is on some other things which I don't have time to think about and have to fit that sort of thing into getting everything else done.

Oh.....I have been thinking or remembering when Zach left for school and what exciting things he did before he left for school. What I can remember is that he did not party but rather helped his mother and felt a little guilty to leave her. Dear Anna is helping me too and feeling a little guilty to leave me. I think she should give him a call to have an understanding ear hear those anxieties. We will be alright and move on with what we are given to do here. I do not want dd to feel guilt as I am sure Zach's mom did not want him to feel guilt either. So.....that has been on my mind too as we drown a little here in the mess and then the heat and allergies fight fiercely against us getting anything done.

Where did she learn that from?

Anna is such a good girl. To attempt to make a long story short she has been in contact with her roommate for the fall and for awhile we were getting a little concerned as to whether this would work. There was a lot of facebooking and a few texts and the responses at least on our end were leaving us perplexed. So.......I suggested she call her and talk to her and give up on the Internet communication. Phew. What was scaring us to some degree, with a little phone communication has now left Anna concluding that her roommate to be must be feeling a little anxious and nervous and just has a need to make sure all the bases are covered before she leaves home. Those people who know us well, know that we feel like we are doing fantastic if we know there is something to eat for breakfast but worrying about how to decorate her dorm wall outside of the crucifix was not heavy on Anna dear's mind. It was the worrying that was worrying us. We are SO not worried. Perhaps we should worry more but there isn't any time left to work harder on worrying since my chief worry lately involves getting my 'naked boy' Stefan to figure out how to keep underwear dry. I need to find him a longer shirt so he has a more modest attire. :o) Internet communication is so VERY confusing. I am sure people used to feel the same way about the phone. Both parties have been most respectful to the other and I now feel things will most likely work. What I wonder where she learned that from, is she is pretty good at putting the best construction on the situation and not as prone to panicking as her dear mom who was a little freaked out by the Internet conversing. Phew. Thank you Lord that she figured that out and most likely not from my shining example. :o)

Time to go be responsible.

Trivial Pursuit - a different sort of assessment

I actually like this game. I remember beating my trivial fact expert dad once because I knew that Captain Kangaroo had bangs. That was a moment of triumph. He truly is Mr. Trivia. Anyway, I picked up a version which has both kid and adult questions and we played on Saturday night. That was a scary experience. My dear children of ALL ages do lack a certain knowledge that you can only get from watching TV. It is a puzzle to me if it is really worth having the kids watch the news etc. and the news obsessed relatives will nod their head knowingly that I 'should' have them do this. We haven't missed it so far and read the newspaper which certainly can't be better than the TV but it can't be worse either. Sports and weather terms seem to be lacking in their knowledge bin. What an odd assessment of their abilities as my eyes rolled back in my head at their strained brains over sports and weather questions. Sigh. So they need to go to Grandma's more often to watch baseball and football etc. "What ball has fake seams?" Older child did not know. Ugh. "What is another name for cyclone or tropical storm?" - hurricane. Younger and some older children did not know. I think we need to play some more to see what else is lacking.

Biking

We took a little family bike ride this afternoon and actually made it about fourteen miles. That was especially amazing for Cecilia who has a single gear bike and made it the whole way. I did alright dragging Ingrid behind and she did fine as well. We never made it to the pool but at least we know we can bike. We might shoot up to Michigan next weekend and bike between a few wineries. I've wanted to do that for a long time. We'll see.

Tomorrow I am going to Ft. Wayne to pick up one of Anna's friends for a few days. We are hoping to finally make the Vogue fabrics trip on Thursday.

Our neighbor Jim, of Jim store fame, finally accepted our dinner invitation and is right now talking Charley's ear off outside. I am glad. He is a very nice fellow. His whole family are great to have as neighbors and have been especially good to us. We keep him entertained I have no doubt.

Experiment

I think I might try a little experiment out on the family. Perhaps I will wake up tomorrow morning and not ask anyone to do anything and see what happens. I will greet them with a cheery smile and inquire as to whether they are well. I was thinking about squeezing in a trip to the pool by myself though and pick up some of that tanning stuff on the way there, sweat and watch the sweat pool up on my arms while baking. I have not done that in probably twenty years. That just sounds like fun to me. It would be curious, although I would have to ask someone to watch the children, to see what would happen and if they would even notice. I did ask Charley this evening if he were interested in us all going out to chop wood after he got done eating. He looked at me oddly. Benjamin looked a little scared. Benjamin is so very cute though that I probably shouldn't scare him like that. I think I will go discuss this plan with Charley. I do have to take Erik to math tutoring in the morning so he will at least have to get in the van. Hmmmm.....

Anna packing

Just to keep everyone up to date on this depressing subject. Ok, it is not entirely depressing and I am happy for her. I must have done a few things right as she has taken it upon herself to clean out most of her 'stuff' that is her girl stuff so that Ingrid will have a room to share with her sister Cecilia soon. She does all this of her own fruition and it was nothing I even suggested. The conversation with most friends is even trying to remember this process from when we went 'away' to college. I put that in quotes seeing as I could have walked home from college if I had wanted to. I kept that under my hat as much as possible and mainly joked with my roommate about the long drive home. There have been many humorous conversations about this topic from people whose mommies did the whole packing thing complete with stacks of new underwear and socks to 'I didn't want my mom to come near my stuff' packing scenario. I do not think Anna falls into that category but she is definitely mature enough to handle this. I do occasionally mention for her to mention to me if she would like new tennis shoes with better arch support or does she want particular soap etc. Her response to the shoes question (this morning at a little past twelve) was "No mom. I do not want to wear clunky tennis shoes with my dresses" and "I saw plenty of clunky shoes at HT and I am not interested." Ok, daughter dear.

I need to get a few containers for her to label and put in the 'nightmare' storage building. My stomach gets occasionally tied in knots through this process and I will try not to make everyone nuts dwelling on that but......I can't help it. We are partying up the last few weeks here. Yesterday she was craving corn pops which her grandma donated on occasion after sleepovers so I picked some up for her along with a bottle of Dr. Pepper which she also mentioned. I don't want to be accused of never getting her anything fun.

The 'guest room' is done and I will continue to look for ways to make that room comfy and inviting. Anna will be our 'guest' come holidays and breaks. That is such an odd and scary thought. I better go chug some more coffee and perhaps hill up some corn or something to calm myself. It's ok.....it will be ok......I am still excited for her.

Nice visit with Charley's parents

It has been fun to see Charley's dad having a good time wandering around the ten acres and basically having a nice time. Charley has worked on several car issues while his dad hung around watching him, clearly interested in what his son was doing. His mom has been most helpful in a quiet sort of way and has expressed her frustration that she wishes she could help more and doesn't know how I manage all the kids etc. She too has settled in, found a good book, enjoyed some nice meals and had fun talking with the kids.

We went to Shipshewana today and had an enjoyable time going to their favorite stores and looking for the odd little things one finds in Shipshewana to add to our kitchen gadget collections. We had our traditional ice cream at Wana-cup and they were both impressed that two year old Stefan did not spill a drop of ice cream on himself. Stefan chattered the whole time about all the horseys and wouldn't let a horse go by without my acknowledging he saw one.

Evenings have been relaxed and Charley's mom even expressed her surprise of how well his dad was feeling and doing during their visit. His dad is quite the character and I don't really mind his quirks too much. I would not want to depend on him to get me to the hospital on time if that were ever needed but......when all is said and done, it is possible to work within his 'system'. For an almost 83 year man with normal old age aches and pains he seems to be doing quite well with just a little help from a cane when needed. I am happy he has had a chance to just roam around freely.

I hope the kids will be able to remember these times as they are not often enough. We have a few more days left and hopefully they will be able to come again soon.

Urban Sprawl

Quietly the land near our home has been sold to a developer who specializes in apartment complexes. I have only had a few hours to process this and already feel like packing, selling off lots of stuff and moving. I fought the good fight against a truck depot six years ago and won but am doubtful I can win this one. If they put in nice condos that would be different and I would be fine with that but.....apartments. Sigh. I am exhausted basically and my dear husband wonders if I will be checking into the mental hospital but am trying to pull myself together and not despair. I am not putting moving out of the realm of possibilities as we will have to live with the apartment mess the rest of our lives. Why we can not just be satisfied with the housing that is available is beyond me. Fix up what we have people!!!!! There are plenty of homes that could be torn down or rehabbed and used and not left for the rats and other rodents to degrade the city. Breathe.....breathe......Lord have mercy. In the end I hope my children find a nice place for me in the country side, safe from urban sprawl to plant me someday. I am just being silly here but I drive by these cemetaries in the country that are way out, surrounded by trees and farm fields and figure they would be great to take a rest in. Yes, I am a bit odd. There is a great cemetary on top of the hill in Pennsylvania that would be fantastic too but of course I won't give a hoot or a hollar at that point. It's a nice walk at any rate and the kids might enjoy the fresh air. :o) I will try to keep my humor but a rest sounds nice.

Kicking and screaming

I just dropped my older three kids off for their trip to Higher Things. I didn't want to say goodbye to them and feel sort of caught. I have only been to one conference and loved it and the time I could watch and observe my kids enjoying themselves and enjoying other young people their age. I am sure it is entirely my fault that I did not speak up and make it clear that I would have liked to go with. There already were chaperons who did not have small children so why would anyone including myself think that I would want or need to go with? Well.....I just love my kids and feel like I am missing out on this part of their lives. A person could say "well, you can do that with the younger ones" but.....I want to do it with the older ones too. Kicking and screaming. I love time with youth period and I am missing out on that too. I am not anyone important. I am just a mom who painfully feels sad when I am separated from an event where I COULD have gone if I just had the brains to have spoken up. It made sense at the time and now it doesn't make sense at all.

My kids never get family vacations for some weird reason. It is probably the fact that it is expensive to get rooms for all of us and other families are not jumping up and down to take in ten extra people and feed them. So Higher Things is also my kids vacation. I WANT TO BE WITH THEM!!!!!!! It will probably take me a day to get over it and stop feeling lost and sad. I am contemplating going up on Friday for the Divine Service and at least be a part of that but ultimately will probably not as I would just be sad at what I missed out of with them.

Poor me moment. Might blog some more on this topic as it certainly does pertain to moms with lots of kids and I cannot believe that other moms do not feel the same way but I do think other moms seem to suck it up better than me in regard to these things.

Off to piano lessons......

Family and friends

We had a great time yesterday wishing my dear daughter congratulations on completing her high school years and also wishing her well for the future. There were 80 plus people in attendance and I only wish I had a little more time to visit with people but the efforts were worth it to see everyone have a nice time.

The week before the party, my friend Cheryl and I, tackled repainting two of the rooms in our house. We had a wonderful time painting and of course talking, talking, talking. She SO gave of herself to help her tired friend. Anna did most of the work with her and I supervised the kids and feeding everyone. I probably already blogged about this. We now have a guest room and another room to just be able to sit and relax when the opportunity presents itself. I am excited about the possibilities. We worked hard to get it done before Charley's parents came as we were looking forward to their visit and knew they would appreciate their privacy and we would appreciate not having to have anyone give up their bedrooms. The now guest room was a second eating area which did come in handy with guests but we can still set up an extra table in another area to accommodate our regular flow of families visiting.

My mom made an unheard of amount of cookies so I wouldn't have to mess with desert for the crowd and even made a set of cupcakes at the last minute to help our friend's son celebrate his fifth birthday. He was so very cute. Mom was so very helpful and of course everything was organized and easy to distribute. Yay for moms!

What I especially enjoyed were all the warm faces who came from all over to be able to be there yesterday. I forgot to send my poor brother his invitation and so a few days before the party sheepishly called him and he cheerfully came along and many had the pleasure of talking with him and his wife. I gave him a hug when he was leaving and asked him if he was scarred from his late invitation and he smiled and said of course not. I love being understood. It is so very sweet.

I was also very appreciative as I have said before of my college roommate and her husband who came a few weeks ago to take Anna's graduation pictures for the invitations they made for us. They mailed them promptly to me and everyone got their lovely invitations as soon as they came (except my brother ;o) Thank you Steve for still loving me). So thank you also to my dear friend Elise!!!!

Yes.....I am richly blessed with people who do give a hoot about me, which being poor self-esteem me have trouble acknowledging. I could have just sat there and simply stared at everyone who puts up with me and still loves me despite my many weaknesses and failings. Eight kids keep me hopping and I am not the queen of etiquette ( I do enjoy a good book on manners though). I am also very grateful for my dear husband who tries so very hard to do the right thing for me and his family. We all muddle, muddle together and I will continue to muddle along myself despite my inabilities.

I think the last of the broilers are meeting their demise so should probably stop blogging and run along......in the car.....to get my dear daughter something for Higher Things......

Hoping to tackle more rooms

We have two rooms put back together with fresh lovely paint and trim completely painted. It looks awesome. We just rehung the shelf that was there when we bought the place as my brilliant daughter suggested we not put any nick knacks on the piano etc. and only put them up on the shelf....if we really love them. Good-bye cluttered look. We are slowly and carefully putting up pictures and I now stare at other rooms sorely in need of paint and am ready to tackle them soon. I can't wear my dear daughter out before she leaves but we have been having a lot of fun together with this little project. Get 'er done!!!!!

I mowed a ton of grass today and almost got the whole thing done again. I am sure I will sleep well tonight. It is raining which is also good for garden. I have to get up early and go hunt tomatoes at the farmers market. I was hoping I would have my own but that is not working out. Lots of squash and broccoli though.

I think I will go read my Rainbow Resource Center catalogue and try not to let it hurt me when I fall asleep with it in my face.

Focus and finish!!!!!

Ah there is nothing like a focused woman to help this unfocused woman.....focus. It is very tempting to rip the whole house apart but just getting these two rooms painted (with all the help from my dd and friend Cheryl) is what must be done or risk getting even more depressed than I already have the capability to be! Our newly painted rooms look so fantastic even while they are not finished I can hardly believe my eyes. Love it. Every unfinished portion that has sat that way for years is being tackled and done. Love it!!!

Off to feed the redecorators!

Flies and Nerf Guns

There was a fly invasion last week from people leaving the door open and probably from the animals still being here and kids leaving their barn boots by the back door unwashed..... These flies have been teaching my dear children some valuable lessons though. I explained to them that when tables and counters don't get wiped down that it attracts flies. This information seems to be finally sinking in. They are keeping up on this sort of thing a little better now.

An amusing thing that happened was my sixteen year old dear son discovered that if you use your nerf gun you can easily kill LOTS of flies. I am not sure I am totally in favor of this as I think his method is to turn off all the lights and wait for them to land on the ceiling and then....pow! He gets them. He rarely misses.

So......if you are looking for a practical use for your nerf gun bearing kids, I just thought I would share that useful information with you and perhaps rid your house of more flies.

Looking like an non-eventful day at the Horners.....phew.

Charley's vacation

It seems like Charley spent most of his vacation fixing broken things. I think I mentioned that earlier. Well he goes back to work tomorrow so I hope things are done being broken. I think he spends much of his time at work fixing broken things as well. Fortunately he seems satisfied that it was all worth it.

Hopefully I get back to painting tomorrow and finish the job......

One other thought

I suppose this could be construed as a poor me statement but if a reader bore with me and my weak ability to explain myself it might make sense. Or....it might not. :o) I think the last month has been as nutty as this person can tolerate and I am losing my grip on a lot of things. Little things are bothering me and big things seem overwhelming or maybe they are not big at all. I keep chugging along and am finding a lot of what I say to others coming across as confusing to them or better left unsaid. What goes on in my head and what I say often times does not make sense so it is too bad we can't all just rewind the tape. Or......it would be nice to have a better ability to understand what other people are even thinking in regard to conversation as I am too often just confused. I do not think I am very good at expressing myself and when I am tired it just.....gets.....worse. I think too much I think. I should stick to chucking wood and mowing the lawn and of course raising my kids with out too much else coming out of this mouth. See.....poor me statement but I think I am just being honest with myself.

I still have a lot to get done at home this next week to be ready to give my dear daughter a congratulations type party on all her hard work during her school years with me and then the rest of the summer is slipping away fast. I guess it is not THAT much to get done but I still need to put the rooms we tore apart back together. I am just thinking that at times my brain and mouth do not match up and my mouth would be better suited not chatting too much idly when the craziness of life has been pretty wearing lately. I do not find that I am good at explaining myself and my wee little brain and my fragile little heart don't mix too well with other conversation so.....that self-discipline thing to just perhaps keep my mouth shut a little more might be a good muscle for me to rest. I have too much I want to get done including just enjoying my family and other people around me and people I am looking forward to seeing this coming weekend to just shut up but shutting up might be my best option. I know I am not always the best listener and I oftentimes can tell other people aren't really listening or perhaps they don't have spare energy either to deal with my silly need to be understood. Conversation is just confusing at times.

In a dream world I would take my family up to the Quetico or the Rockies and go on a canoe trip or something and just enjoy the lack of responsibility and the incredible solitude and isolation from the crazies. Even this probably does not make sense but my time there as a young person was a time to just.....think and my mind I think just craves some quiet time and pause. See.....I think I posted something like this a few weeks ago.

I think my dear husband too feels a little crazed with all the stuff that keeps breaking around here and all the stuff he would like to get to including doing some special things with his family. Sigh. I am not sure how to help him with that but hopefully we can take a little bike trip some Saturday left this summer before Anna goes off to college. We'll see. How can he enjoy his family WHEN STUFF KEEPS BREAKING!!!! Ugh. Muddle, muddle and I will try to help him enjoy some rest when he can find it and also make this place a little more restful through putting things back together so that resting is not exhausting with all the mess all over from painting etc. So.....speaking of resting I think I will go do that for real now. I am done now. Please tread lightly and I will attempt to deal quietly with whatever comes my way in the line of other people needing something or expecting something from me........don't think too hard about this post if you actually made it through to the end.......

Van falling apart suddenly

All day if I needed to know where Charley was I checked by the van. There was a leak in something in the van and then it seemed that every time I checked the van status the leaks seemed to multiply. It was like a bad dream though the dream was worse for Charley and Erik than for me. They were both wearing gray shirts and jeans so I had trouble knowing whose feet were sticking out from under the van. I think they weigh the same amount too with Charley just being a skinny guy (still strong though) and Erik being a skinny young guy (also strong but not as strong as his dad.....yet). Hopefully Erik saw this as bonding time with dad working on the jigsaw van puzzle. I am also glad I made it home before things went too haywire yesterday.

While they tinkered with the van, a friend helped Anna and I work on painting a few rooms that DESPERATELY needed painted. One is mostly done as far as the wall goes and the other is mostly cut in so that should go quickly. It looks MUCH better! Anna did most of the work but managed to get something in her eye or has some sort of allergic reaction so she went promptly to bed with her benadryl dose and hopes to feel better in the morning.

Matthew almost single handed shoveled out the chicken coop now that the broilers are in the freezer. THAT is hard work too. The whole family is pretty tired and I hope that tomorrow somebody can enjoy their Sunday and get a little rest. Charley spent his vacation fixing stuff so other progress was not quite as obvious.

I spent the day running to the store to get paint and trying to keep everyone happy. Food helps the demeanor of most people so that was my department along with keeping the kids from doing too much damage to the fresh paint. Benjamin managed to rub his hand along a freshly painted wall and then smeared it on his shirt after realizing what he did. Oh well. It will be an interesting undershirt to sleep in. Fortunately it was nothing better than an undershirt.

It is later than I thought so will go crash. Charley and Erik - the twins - are watching Johnny English to have a lighter moment and basically just ate dinner (10:00 dinner - must be European or something). Hopefully they don't watch the whole thing. Must get to sleep.

Another 4H fair is over

I feel like I have my life back again. I am actually sitting still for a moment or two while in my house. The clothes I put out on the line last night since it was not supposed to rain are now soaked and I don't care. They will dry eventually and probably will be nice and wrinkle free. Charley and the boys are at the fair for barn clean up. Charley spent yesterday fixing machinery that was broken and was just finishing up when I pulled in to tell him the van was broken. I think he has that figured out as well now or least I hope so. Fixing machinery is a time eater and I try not to drool after city dwellers who only have vans that break. Property can be a money pit.

I have beans and new zuchinni and squash seeds to plant so I get the full benefit of their yumminess. The weeds should come out easily now that it has rained in the gardens that are planted. I should go wash a floor or something now since little Ingrid is sleeping in this morning.

Painting walls is on the docket for today. I am excited!!!!! It is especially nice to have kids old enough who can help with these things. Ramming speed!!!

I have some explaining to do

Bible class did not work out for me again this evening so spent most of the time in the nursery watching Ingrid and Benjamin bounce around. Then Cecilia came in and was talking to me and in the conversation it came up that Anna would be leaving in August. It did not occur to me that Cecilia did not understand truly what this meant. She thought Anna would be gone for just a little while so I had some explaining to do. I told her slowly and carefully, looking her right in the eyes, that Anna would most likely be gone not for just one year but likely four years and maybe not even be home for the vacations I would love for her to be home for. For all we know it could be for good. Of course I started to cry a little and she did too and she comforted me. I told her I was crying as our family would not be the same and together anymore. I also told her we really need to pal around a lot more together as she would be my big girl at home and we will have to go on little trips together. She then figured out how old Ingrid would be when she graduated. Sigh. I REALLY need to stop this crying at church thing. It did hit me pretty hard the reality of Anna leaving soon. As I have said before I am happy for her and we will just relate differently from here on out. I also think I better sit down with the middle size kids who can understand and explain exactly what is coming up this fall. Double sigh. I should have realized they would not fully get it.

Scout campsite amusement

NIce evening with Scouts

Last night we went to the closing campfire at the boys Scout troop. As has been the case with the troop since we joined I was very impressed with everything that they do. Their campsite was a veritable amusement park complete with a huge tower, rope climbing thingy, zip line, huge merry-go-round, swings, and an all around organized atmosphere. I will have to post a picture of the merry-go-round as I have never seen anything like it. It was a triangle of three posts roped together and then attached with rope to the tree way up. You wound the thing up and it would twist the kids around back and forth.

The boys also had a great skit, were the MC's for the campfire, and had a very nice 'crackle barrel' afterward. Almost every family was represented with parents who came to see what the boys had done which was also very refreshing and nice to see. Both our kids and the kids we brought with had never ending fun last night and did not seem bothered by the late hour. My hat is off to the leaders of this troop. I will HAVE to post some pictures here later. Troop 555 is the best I have ever heard of or seen.

I will happy to have my boys home this afternoon!!!! My family will be back together for the first time in two weeks except for about ten hours last weekend.

"If the pig comes for you Karin"

so says my sweetie pie after soliciting my help with loading the piggies. Instead of getting peeved at him for such a ridiculous statement while pondering my past experiences of being rushed by a pig, I burst out laughing. (thank you Pastor Grobien for setting such a wonderful example for me) "If the pig comes for me dear, I am running that direction. Why am I here?" laughing, laughing.

"Really Karin, this is not good for our marriage" says the farmer big strong and looking perplexed.

"Really honey dear," laughs Karin, "If that pig rushes me it won't be good for our marriage."

He did manage to give a half smile at this and stopped lecturing me on the health of our marriage. The first pig dutifully followed the feed bowl to the trailer. The second and the third little piggies started running around a little aimlessly as I was instructed to follow them. I smiled and handed my pig board to big strong farmer boy son who expertly, confidently herded the piggies in the way that they should go and they got on the trailer. So ends another year of pig loading and maybe next year the man will realize that his citified wife will haul chickens, wash chickens, haul kids to fair, cheer for children, cry at successes but......will not hold a pig board or watch pigs come at her.

Hope you enjoyed another episode of Horner comedy.

Very pleased with 4H fair this year

I am not pleased with the fair because my kids did well but rather because we did not do anything this year that the kids did not do willingly themselves. There have been years that we did things because, well, of course we HAVE to do it because we have done it in the past. Those years were crazy stressful, yucky times. I put my foot down last year that just because their dear daddy might be grieved that his dear children might blow everyone out of the water if they did thus and such, that pressuring them to complete projects that their heart was not in was.......insane. It is the MOMMY who has to drag the dear children around to complete these things and the mommy who has to deliver them.

This year every project that was completed and turned in was completely enthused, done well in advance (mostly) and there WAS NO NAGGING ON THE PART OF THE MOMMY!!!!!! The fair is only useful in so far as it teaches these kiddos to set goals and meet them themselves!!! I do not feel like a crazy person this year albeit I am tired but I feel a great sense of satisfaction that.......I have proven my point. :o) Projects generated by parental pressure are not worth doing.

In the Horner news here is the shake down:

Martin: Blue ribbon in beekeeping (better than last year), reserve champion in his division fine arts.
Matthew: Did not do any projects for exhibit hall (he is a scout through and through)
Erik: Honor group (third place) his division fine arts and Grand Champion Collections.
Anna: Champion overall in Formals. She is VERY happy with this and was not expecting that as she is a purest and did what the pattern instructed and did NOT put in an invisible zipper by fair rules (told me that the night before.....)

Love my kids. Love a good experience. Ready to just enjoy the ride this week at the fair.

Erik shines a little brighter

Since we are not going to the opening of the 4H exhibit hall tomorrow night I the fair office to let Erik and I see how he did on his projects. Well.....he got Honor Group on his painting which actually is excellent for his age level. The upper levels are very competitive and I have always been impressed with the work the 4Hers do in this category. His painting is a study of one of Eric Sloans paintings, his favorite author.

Then in Collections I had a choke up moment where we discovered he was awarded Grand Champion of the the whole project. I am so happy for him as he worked very hard on this as I said in my last post and truly he deserved the award. It is so much sweeter to know that a young person put their all into it and also know what a landmark this was for him personally in seeing that he can acheive quality work and then be sweetly recognized for the effort put forth. I am encouraged that perhaps we are turning a corner. He has always worked pretty hard on his school work but his confidence in himself is sometimes lacking. Having an older sister who seems to excell in all she lays her hands on also has been a challenge to follow. But....I hope he can see that we are equally proud of him in his own achievements and efforts and appreciate all the help he has given this summer as everyone else leaves to go do various fun activities.

I hope he has a great week and can simply enjoy the fair. We turned the broilers in today and the pigs go tomorrow. It seems like the pigs just got here. I better scoot off to bed as sleep seems to be lacking lately. More fun tomorrow as we also go see Matthew and Martin's Scout closing campfire. Their troop puts on great skits.

Erik's day to shine

This spring Erik was searching through the 4H fair handbook and came upon the category of collections. Being the tool collecting maniac that he is, he started reading up on the category and he quietly started compiling an assortment from his tool collection to enter for this year's fair. He did this project completely on his own with just a little guidance on how to use different parts of Microsoft programs. The project required a story and his story was the best thing I have ever read coming from him. Having a great interest in tools and also having read up on the history of tools, he wrote quite the explanation of how his interest in tools has grown, his interest in learning how to use them and sharing this knowledge with others. There was a lot more to his story but this was my proud mommy moment. Erik is very hard on himself and to see how beautifully this project came together was a nice reward in and of itself.

The project was judged this morning and we don't know how he ultimately did but they had open judging. He waited three and a half hours for them to get to his division. He has since shared how he enjoyed the judge's comments on the other projects. The judge reminded me quite a bit of his Grandma Sylvia. She had an enthusiastic interest in the details of the various collections and had much to say about each project. I especially was struck by how she seemed to practically interact with the projects in a very personal way and saw the value of each collections change from year to year. Sylvia would make a great 4H judge as I have heard her say similar things when we have gone to exhibits together in the past or when she made observations of various kitchen tools or ways of doing things. I wonder if she could volunteer somewhere....

Anyway, when the judge got to Erik's project she appeared stunned at its organization and professional appearance. She read his story out loud and had to pause several times to exclaim things like "This projects blows the rest out of the ballpark" and many other compliments directed Erik's way. She asked him a lot of questions as to the use of each tool and was impressed with his knowledge. I was VERY proud of him and could see that it was a special moment for him as well. We did not stick around to see how he did overall as it seemed tacky to linger and breathe down her neck while she was making decisions. He will be happy no matter how it comes out as he had a chance to listen to the judge and her reasons for what she said etc. I will update the blog as I find things out.

4H fair earlier this year

They switched our fair to the beginning of July so we are in the midst of turn in week. I am sure I will in the long run love this plan as it will give me the rest of the summer to concentrate on schoolish stuff and maybe even do some fun things with the kids. June has been crazy busy and I can tell I am drooping today. Perhaps I will catch a nap later this afternoon. That would be fun. I slept horribly last night and had the craziest dreams. Yesterday I did not sit down except for at church and even there I was baby and toddler wrestling. Charley worked late and got up at 4:00am or somewhere thereabouts. The house is a total wreck still but I detect the kitchen improved some this morning. Thank you Erik.

Let's just say life has been ridiculously busy and I look forward to things calming down a little. Enough whining for today.....

Back from Bloomington

It has been a LONG week with two days in Valpo with Martin and the little ones, then three days in Bloomington with Anna for orientation. I'm glad that is all over with. I think everything went well. Passing the baton to Anna to take care of stuff is an interesting experience for me in that sometimes I don't know if I SHOULD take care of things or let her take care of them. Everyone is VERY tired with the heat and just being disconnected so I am hoping that in spite of the 4H Fair the next two weeks that we will be able to get somewhat settled and enjoy some of the summer. My thoughts are on the upcoming school year and each kids individual goals and whether I will be able to do everything. I will try to remember what I tell others when they ask "How do you do that?" (parenting eight kids) which the reply is "One day at a time". If everything works out for Anna I know she will have a great time and learn a lot during her experience at IU. I figured out a lot of stuff that I needed to know and I know Anna did too. Two more months til she is off on her journey. My roll as her helper is certainly diminished as I know she is quite capable and not as interested in my every question about stuff so I am sure this is part of my own growing pains.

Tomorrow morning I run out to the bee hives with Erik to see if they even have a beekeeping project to turn in this year. I better get to bed.

Sit up please

Sitting up straight or standing straight is more work than you would think. Spending eighteen years with a baby on your hip or nursing is not a recipe for good posture. That is yet another one of those reasons for why I am working on upper body strength. It is HARD. A friend's chiropractor pointed out the nursing thing where a side effect of nursing is bad posture. I had not really thought about that before. Genetics for me is....bad posture. So outside of sticking a stick up my back I need some sort of code word for people to inform me to stand up straighter. If I am tired or relaxing this is also a time where I am not thinking about posture. I don't see this in other moms but mainly with me. Vanity strikes again but there is also avoiding back aches from weak upper body strength. Sigh. Just something more to think about......

I am SO obnoxious

Have you ever been to one of those roundabouts where it is designed for the traffic to keep moving? I could not believe my eyes this morning when this poor woman who clearly had never even attempted one of these things STOPPED at every intersection of the turn. Can America handle these things? I love them and swiftly whipped around it when she finally got off. Poor thing. I am surprised an accident didn't happen.

Then I am so naughty.......I went to Target to get training pants for Stefan and Benjamin was looking a little unkempt with his shoe laces dragging all over the place. I was thinking "someone is going to point out to me that his shoes are untied"........."Wait for it......" ..........."Ma'am. Your little boys shoes are untied" (less than a minute later) I replied with a big smile "Why thank you!!!" in a very sing songy way. Sigh. I did consider walking round and round the store and counting how many times someone told me that. I still wear the tshirt which says "This woman needs all the help she can get because she won't notice these things that you are noticing without help". I know, I know.....he was just being nice but really? I tend to just give moms knowing looks when there little cherubs look less than put together. I had to rush home afterwards to avoid the public and being informed of any other idle information about what is wrong with my children......I am SOOO obnoxious.

A slow, not entirely uneventful day

Time goes VERY slowly when I am at my parent's house. After dropping Martin off at camp, I hung out at my parents most of the day. I can not believe how slowly the day passes here. I usually am so busy at home that there is never enough time to get much accomplished before the day is done. So why do things go so slowly here???? I suppose playing on facebook and watching kids play on the floor and running a two year old to the potty is not exactly a lot of activity. I am glad we did not go on a walk though as I understand it was very hot out today. I guess I didn't notice.

After picking up Martin in the afternoon I called my high school buddy's mom, Mrs. Speckhard, and went over for a quick visit. I expressed my sympathies in the loss of her brother, who until this winter I did not even realize was a 'famous' person. Her brother was Richard Neuhaus. She shared her last week with her brother and how SHE did not even realize HOW well known and respected he was. She knew him in a different way. She was thankful for her time with him and the time she had last spring when he was in Valpo to speak and got to spend a few days with him of course not realizing it was the last visit with her family. Let's just say it is a conversation I will remember for a long time, not because her brother was famous, but because of the love in her voice, the candidness of the conversation, and the thoughtfulness of her comments about her brother's dealing with his own mortality. I pray my children have the same opportunities in life to share in every aspect of this life here on this side of heaven.

We spent the evening lounging around my parent's house and enjoying total down time. This does not happen very often. Stefan is just loving it and all his cute little important proclamations are what I need to hear more often. Who knows how long I will stay up now that the little Ingrid is in bed but seeing how relaxed I'm feeling I don't think I will be up very long. Maybe I will take that walk around campus tomorrow......

On the go

Last week and this week have been VERY busy. We went to the CCA symposium last week and enjoyed every minute of that. Came home Friday night, woke up Saturday morning to take Anna to put a wedding cake together for our Goddaughter who was married later that day. We got home close to eight o'clock in the evening from the whole day's adventures. Sunday I tried to just enjoy the day without sweating the upcoming week and everything I was leaving behind in the line of responsibility.

This morning I packed Martin, Benjamin, Stefan and Ingrid in the car and took off for Valpo to take Martin to Invention Camp at the engineering building on campus. The last time I was in Gellerson was for Charley's Senior Project presentation. It was odd to be there this morning. I suppose Charley and I did go to a class reunion where there was an Engineering reunion as well so it has not been as long as I thought. My parents are in Maine and will be returning tomorrow afternoon. At that point I will only be able to visit for a short time and then take the short people home with me and my parents will be taking Martin for the rest of the week.

Wednesday afternoon Anna, Erik, Ingrid and I take off for Bloomington for Anna's freshman orientation. We will be returning Friday evening. I have a feeling that will be a bit crazy considering Ingrid being with us. Sigh. I am sure I will be the only mom with an infant there. We will figure things out.

Saturday I will be home running around with last minute 4Hfair stuff to get together and Matthew leaves for Boy Scout camp. Martin leaves for Scout camp on Sunday. The fair won't be too bad once we get the few projects we have turned in. We really do not do too much with the fair anymore and from the rest of our life, I can see why. It is not physically possible to do all these things well and I need the least amount of stress possible. I am hoping to really enjoy July and spend time at the pool etc.

A lot of trim was manufactured by dh this week.

This is progress. I have applauded him and am happy with his plan for now tackling other projects. I have gone so far as bribery. Is it bad to bribe him? He is my husband and he seemed fine with the bribe. We'll see if it works. Ok now, the rest of you, no nagging. Just smile and nod your head as progress progresses. He has put A LOT of hours in using those wonderful tools and I will patiently wait for the next step. Patience for that is not so bad. I'll hold my end of the bargain up with too when the 'next project' is DONE! Poor man is like an Egyptian slave with self-induced slave work. Sigh.

Visit with college roommate and family

My college roommate, her husband and three kids came today to play. Her husband is a professional photographer and he took lots of graduation type pictures of Anna. We tried some here at home and then it occurred to me to take them to Tippecanoe Place for a better background etc. I called ahead and they said anyone can take pictures there as long as they are open. It was great! He got pictures of Anna in her new awesome dress and some more casual ones in jeans and casual wear. Very nice. It will be interesting to see how they came out. Anna is pretty and pretty photogenic.

They also came to visit and their kids had a blast. They played and played outside in country land and were not afraid of dirt, bugs, frogs, poison ivy, etc. I sent them home with our Fels Naptha bar of soap in hopes they don't get it. I think they think this place is better than Disney Land. The parents were very happy too as their kids barely said boo to them all day.

The older crew enjoyed talking it up while eating and having a beer or two :o) It was nice to not have to worry too much about exactly what their kids got into as the parents did not seem at all appalled by how dirty they got. Three very blond kids covered from head to toe in dirt. You can't do that at Disney can you? We talked about all sorts of things and not that much about the old times. Mainly it was catch up time. I will have to explore Valparaiso University a little further when I go with Martin in a little over a week. I am curious what has changed and my understanding is it has changed A LOT!

Anyway it was a lot of fun and I did not take a single picture but he took probably as many pictures as I take in a year. Photographers have so much fun. I am sure some of you will see him again sometime. It was a nice graduation present from her Godmother that is for sure. We enjoy them most for their company though. ;o)

People whose last names begin with H

I have chuckled many times about people whose last names begin with H. Our last name is H and then there is another group of H's. Both families have quite the propensity to take on large projects which many people would consider nutty and some people DO consider nutty and have said that to us. Both have hobby farms and are very talented at creating more work for themselves in the name of 'doing it ourselves'. 'Doing it ourselves' means the family has to do strange things like sleep in the barn or yard to redo our homes. We are getting closer to closing the books on that section of our life but.....I do dream of crazy things like adding onto the back of the house to make room for the guests who can't stay here for lack of room. Dreaming, dreaming....... When I hear the H's talk of their adventures at church they have NO IDEA what kindred spirits we are. I am smiling inside thinking of their pain in their endeavors and truly understanding. I LOVE it when some suburbanite tells me how chaotic their life is right now because they are working on a renovation project in their home and I ask "SO what are you working on" and they reply something about painting the mantel in their living room. The church H's current situation reminds me of the time we removed the floor and the outside wall to our kitchen and basically had no kitchen and my in-laws came to visit. To cook I had to run around the house to the grill in back and was pregnant with someone and......we had non-stop rain to deal with. Can you say 'mashed potatoes on the grill?' Very good! You can say it. I SO feel their pain. Every single room has been ripped out of this house. Every wall and exterior everything has been redone. The roof was off when a tornado passed nearby and lets not forget the year Charley dug our basement out by hand and it was jacked up through the winter with varmits eyeing a possible new home and Charley leaving for Europe every other month two feet of snow falling in a day and then melting the next week.....and I was pregnant with someone.

I need to have Mr. H and Mr. H get together and have their own photo sharing time and laugh about their own insanity. The wives can have their own time of laughing about these crazy tendencies. I have a scrap book full of the 17 years of home destruction and construction which is very eye popping and generally not interesting to the public who has not been crazy enough to do such things. Waiting patiently for trim on the walls is far from stressful in comparison.

So H's, know that I TOTALLY understand what you are going through but I am happy for you at the same time that your home will be further along and you will be able to enjoy it more after the pain is over. I laugh and cry with you and understand why the mom is crashing exhausted on the couch at church. I wish I could help you put it all back together. My Mr. H is more like you than you know. Moving furniture AGAIN for dinner guests????? I love you guys. You crack me up. You make this behavior seem more normal to me too and not alone in our crazy endeavors. Can we grow it, chop it up, burn it to heat, preserve it, pick it, feed it, move it, build it, build onto it, feint in exhaustion over the effort in doing it, find it cheap or cheaper somewhere, make it cheaper ourselves? Ah yes, all of this and more. You are kindred spirits and didn't know it.

A friend just gave me a book all about this craziness and her impression when reading it was she exhausted and she knew we were living it. Need I say more????

I really hate housekeeping

This is no news to my mother and other related people but keeping house is not top on my list of things that bring me joy and pleasure. Having eight kids and housecleaning is NOT a great combination either. We cleaned the house all day yesterday and it looked mildly better and frankly I did not think it was that bad to begin with but for some reason it still looked cluttered and chaos like. The house cleaning is generally what puts me in a cranky mood to begin with. If we were not eating then it would be easier. Laundry is also a problem so maybe only wear one outfit a week like people used to do. Work, work, work. Then there is the ten acres to keep up with. Ugh, I am whining again. Ten acres is a lot to keep up with. I love to mow the lawn but if I mow the lawn the garden doesn't get weeded. If I do not exercise like a a maniac my blood pressure goes up. If I do any of those things, I am not paying attention to my little people. If I go out of town I have to have all of the yard work caught up before I go and food lined up or the rest of my family suffers while I am gone and when I return. If I don't leave and go to places like CCA then I feel dried up and start feeling jealous and bitter towards those who can just trip off without a care in the world to do these things.

Believe it or not I am hoping today goes well and everyone has a good time. Friends are coming and they are looking forward to a good time too so I will revel in that. The above paragraph is just my frustrations with never feeling like I can look forward to a day of just resting and not feeling guilty for taking care of myself or just having fun. I DO really hate housecleaning and heaven sounds ever so wonderful in light of the pain that dirt and grime wreck havoc on my psyche here. Who would ever have guessed I would have eight kids and the grime that goes with that. I will try to post something perky soon.

So much for yesterday's positive thinking

I think it is most likely impossible for me to be content with what gets done today. I seem to hit the overwhelmed point too much and probably need to throw everything away that is not absolutely necessary. There are NO deep thoughts on this subject. There IS endless work and messes and discouragement and frustration. I did have one hilarious moment this morning that will keep me going for the rest of the day no doubt plus Yay! there is a Divine Service this evening - but I won't tell you what was so funny as I might just follow through with 'the plan' as discussed by my partner in crime. Hmmmm......

So I did plan the meals and I am going to go get what I need to make them but that involves leaving my house again and leaving the house is a VERY BAD THING! Never leave home if you can help it. Sigh, sigh, sigh. If I didn't have high blood pressure this morning I am certain I have it now. No ones home that I go to looks as cluttered up as mine. I MUST get rid of the salt water tank and then get rid of LOTS of stuff but a person has to have time to do that too. Yes, I am discouraged and overwhelmed and I know this too will pass for some days in between feeling this way. Please press ignore when reading this as again, this is MY BLOG and I am venting away here. There just IS NOT enough time to get to it all and the fires are everywhere. I also don't seem to know other people who blog about such things so maybe I should push delete. Back to the masses and I hope there are some people out there who might think I know something about what I am doing or at least won't judge me for sometimes having a bad day. Don't most people have bad days or am I kidding myself????? Getting psyched up to throw out more stuff. Anyone want a salt water fish?

Trying to be happy with what I got done today

My to do list is ridiculous. Then there is the human interaction thing as well and I would hate to think that is on a to do list. It does seem like most of my days I spend trying to put out as many fires as possible and line up the troops with the water brigade to be the most effective with our time. "Are they getting any smarter? Check. Are the floors disgusting? Check. Who can clean them or is it faster to do it myself? Check. Any bills languishing in my room? Check." and so on and so forth. So why do I feel if I have gotten a lot done in one day that makes it a better day than if I had a headache and slugged around. Perhaps my children enjoyed my sluggardliness more than being put to task on the day with the headache? I have been musing on my stress level related to my contentedness or lack of content with each day. I've been told my blood pressure is border line. Hmmmm.....I would rather not go the medication route as I have heard nasty stories about that but I'm pondering how much my stress level or self perceived stress level is related to my health. It seems there is some sort of connection between them. If I don't get a lot done I shouldn't freak out as I am certain that does not help the stress.

My other stress buster idea is 'try harder' to plan meals and the house cleaning a little more. These two should not put me under the table. Organization and accountability to keeping any sort of sense of routine have never been my strong suit but when some doctor is threatening meds I think it is time for me to get over it and make a little time to tackle this. I envision this wondrous plan going to pot if I find myself expecting any other little Horner (don't feint mom, this is not an announcement just a musing) and THAT would be the time I would MOST need to keep blood pressure in check. This is most likely too much information for most people but this IS MY blog after all and I might want a good kick in the pants to keep on top of such things if this were ever the case.

SO......rather than spend too much time gazing at Facebook entertainment and reading too many blogs I should give MYSELF a good kick in the pants and go plan the meals for the rest of this week and next while I will be gone. Everyone will thank me and I might not bite their heads off so much either. Sigh. Organization.....perserverance......self-discipline.......phew!

Charley and his Dad

I had fun stalking Charley and his dad with the camera. The two of them had a nice visit with one another. We took a long walk to their garden together. I like the black and white effect.

Stinky weather

I LOVE taking my kids to the pool in the summer but 65 to 67 degrees stinks. I was hoping to have friends to the pool tomorrow but will have to wait to the weekend I think. This is just a short whiney post. I will have to make today a 'get stuff done' day and try not to drive myself into the ground working. I have a great tendancy toward overdoing it. The day will pass quickly and hopefully some things will improve around here.

Ingrid is beckoning and I am sure is looking forward to her grub so will stop whining and go take care of the little person.

A simple 101

I have a few things as an insignificant layperson that I would love to tell someone. This is sort of in response to a comment I made to Susan in the previous post or at least an explanation. CCA is a wonderful thing. I love it. I have also read A LOT about such things on my own through various books I have picked up at the Sem and other places. I probably have said it before but much of my life was spent trying to 'figure things out' in the church. My confirmation process was far from memorable and that was not even in the LCMS but I don't think it was a lot different from the LCMS in process. We went over some cute books with fill in the blank obvious answers and it was taught by lay people with no training.

As a 'grown up' (if I can manage to act like one), I have met many older people who spoke fondly of their knowledge of the catechism and still remembered it. I know I have written about that before. This knowledge seemed sort of elusive to me and I wanted to know it myself. So FINALLY I have pastors who are telling me what I want and need to hear. Phew. Fortunately for me when I hear such instruction it just makes sense to me and I am certainly not wired to question, question, question what I hear. I just find it a relief to have pastors who are willing to take the time to TELL me these things EVERY week from the pulpit, in Bible class and in the hallways, highways and byways. If the pastors explain something new, I seem to just have a knack for understanding it in my quiet little brain by my quiet little self.

Then there are people like my cute engineering husband who could hear a lot of deep thinking explanations and it frankly goes over his head. He TOO was deprived of hearing the word of God in instruction and being catechized along the way in a catechized for life sort of way. The emphasis seems to have been mostly on how to 'make this church thing' work to see how we can get more members. What the man loves the most to hear is the sermon on Sunday and Bible class learning about David and Saul etc. The 'deep' stuff escapes him. It is not that the deep question stuff is bad, it just loses him in the process.

My cute engineering husband has not had the opportunity to have a bare bones course similar to Higher Things. That statement is not pointed at my already overworked pastors but it just seems to me I would love to find a conference or weekend spent where he could just go and hear the basics of worship, catechism, and the good old simple gospel etc for him. I know he is not alone in this as I know other people my age who also missed out on such things and are simply exhausted from worrying about programing etc (not members of Emmaus....yet) and whether the church is pulling in the members. I can recognize the symptoms of the exhausted church member who is starving for the Gospel. I think Charley and I are recovered from such exhaustion as we are going on our third year at Emmaus. Perhaps it would be a nice retreat or something. I don't know. I am just thinking out loud here. But.....CCA is a bit much for him as well as many deep questions that come up at church and people could just say that if he just stuck with it he would learn it eventually but his mind is not made up that way. Some people are just not patient enough I suppose for deep theology. He is the one who should really be the Higher Things chaperon as he would benefit from it. Sigh. No. I am not trying to whine but trying to explain that not every member of the church is suited for long hours of deep theology even though this particular man's wife loves and craves it and practically speaking can't do that sort of thing all the time. I suppose I should have thought of the chaperon thing before but I do know that is the sort of thing he would enjoy and the Higher Things conference is supposed to be for the youth anyway. Higher THings conference for the adults????? Now there is thought. My dear husband is not alone I know or there would not be such an issue with too many chaperons at the conferences.

Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone but my 'looking at the big picture' mind has been thinking about these things and I suppose I thought it was worth sharing.

Hospitality

There is not much else that I love as much as having people over for dinner and being able to spend time with them. I have no doubt I would do it more often and I suppose as the kids get older I probably will. I don't think I will go as far as my Aunt in Maine, whom I never see, who built her home for the sole purpose of having people over but I suppose I have the 'love of cooking and seeing other people enjoy themselves gene.'

Believe it or not we have very little family. We see my parents quite often as they only live an hour away and they too have been at many a function with an extra ten to twenty or more people at it. Fortunately we have many friends who I think enjoy our company and we love theirs so they are our adopted family. The other people who are actually family have limitations that prevent them from coming so from the time left in the craziness of raising our children and managing their schedules, we go to see Charley's parents a few times a year.

Hospitality itself is a way to be able to share something of myself with others and to be able to enjoy them too. It is hard for people to really know much of anything about a mom of eight if their perception is clouded by my running to change diapers or feed or quiet an infant. How can anyone get to know me on that basis? I love opportunities to get to know them better too so why not create them? If we overwhelm others then the problem is solved by having others come to me. Ironically, most of my friends also have lots of kids so for those friends what is eight, ten, fifteen extra anyway? (No - I am not fishing for an invitation from them to have my whole family over -they already do that themselves from time to time).

The other thing about hospitality is that I want my children to be able to think outside themselves as they move on to their own lives and families. Hospitality is a lost art I think. It is especially lost as far as people considering having not just parents of friends over but their children too. Why would a person ever THINK to have a family with a whole bunch of kids over anyway???? That would be crazy (sarcasm). I will have to post the pictures from Erik's bday party last fall where there were mobs of kids in our field playing games or at least trying to.

Thank you friends for putting up with me and thank you that you come to my not always pristinely cleaned home with a hairy dog that lives here and eyes your children's sandwiches. I love my family family, but I also love my adopted family. Too bad that responsibility thing stands in the way of not partying more. :o)

In need of reducing stress

The month of June is looming ahead of me and somehow I would like to make it as stress free as possible. Considering the amount of events going on I am not sure that will be entirely possible. I am going to have to really be on top of having the kids help with keeping on top of things. I am doing my best, but I think I am making myself more stressed trying to get to everything. I suppose that also means I am going to have to be satisfied with less getting done or at least whatever it is taking more time. I can be such the stress woman. Summer is supposed to be down time in most people's minds but it certainly has not struck me that way when I look at what is ahead. I will be gone for almost two weeks this month!!!! Ugh. I hope my dear husband has processed that. I will have to get some food cooked ahead so his month does not go to the dogs just trying to help keep up around here. How many ways can I say "keep up with stuff around here." Schedule, schedule, schedule.....I am such a seat of my pants sort of person this will certainly be a challenge. Planning ahead to reduce stress smacks of that FlyLady. She is very wise and that is the only way I will survive this lovely month. People might start singing "Where have all the Horner's gone" as I won't be here to haul them. Perhaps a few could be picked up here and there so their lives are not totally turned up-side-down.

On to the next thing......

Finally got below pre-pregnancy weight

So I have proved to myself that it is possible for me to lose weight and didn't take too many months. That is encouraging. I still would like to keep working on this as there is the pre-prepregnancy weight that might only be a dream but dreams are nice sometimes. My wardrobe is again a big mess as I now have to hunt down the old wardrobe that fit once in awhile. I have not exercised much in well over a week what with that life thing getting in the way. I am hoping for a walk this evening with Cindy since biking is most likely out. I gave blood this afternoon and walking with Cindy is not quite as strenuous and I could always use a therapy session as an added bonus.

I have also discovered that I am not even able to stuff myself too full anymore as eating less makes for less room in the tummy wummy. Yay!

I need to go tackle my little closet so it is not spilling all over with the clothes I am not using anymore. Life is sometimes complicated.

A trip back in time

On our anniversary I unearthed the letters that I wrote to Charley while he was working here in South Bend and I was finishing up at Valpo. Wow. That was weird. I thought his letters were in there too but apparently not. I have not dug all the way through the pile and there are so many of them we only read six or seven. The common summer theme was my concern for my tan. Now I just get a tan by existing. I also detect that we should have gotten married sooner. What was THAT all about. True I would have lost my free tuition but what a love sick creature. I do hope that I will support my children if they find themselves in a similar situation and hope I will not have them playing a waiting game for the sake of what people do nowadays. Sure these letters also drip with how young I was but despite being a love sick couple and being somewhat young for marraige by today's standards, I know we could have handled it. I do recall a lot of opinion by the family, which I know they meant well and followed the norms of the day, but I also recall much discussion between Charley and I of eloping. I love the quote of a pastor friend of mine "parents seem more comfortable that their children fornicate and wait to get married rather than their kids getting married so they don't fornicate." (or something like that). We may have 'made it to the wedding day' but in retrospect that extra stress seemed a more than a bit ridiculous. My drippy letters which will remain for Charley and my eyes only till we're dead attest to all of this. (No I didn't write smutty letters) It is the sentiment of the letters that make it obvious to me that playing the proper waiting to get married till you graduate routine foolish in retrospect.

Can't change that for the two of us now but I can certainly think about it for the future with my kiddos.