Figured it out

Every couple of years or so I reach my limit or burn out so to speak. I SO know that feeling but it takes me quite a while to figure it out. Unfortunately I am at that point again. I know the solution but that is not going to work right now so will describe how wonderful the solution was a few years ago. It goes like this.

We planned a trip to go camping and life was much like it is now....nonstop busy, little time to breathe, working too hard and not being able to just be quiet and enjoy my kids. I thought I was going to crack and maybe my kids thought I was going to too. So we were getting ready for the camping trip and it occurred to me....."Charley, I am staying home. Take the kids and I will see you when you get back". And he complied........it was wonderful. It was silent. Just birds chirping, crickets doing that too, silence. I cried and reveled in just some time to rest and not have to answer to anyone or have to do anything for anyone. Totally selfish. After a day or so I got up the energy to attack the house and just enjoy it staying clean for more than an hour. I went out to eat with a few friends and didn't have to wash the dishes. I did not feel mean and hateful, just relief. This job, this vocation is hard. It is exhausting. I have felt like it is not OK to feel this way and that I must be just a negative person but at the moment I am hitting a wall. I am sure things will improve. I have some plans tomorrow that should bring a little relief but as far as long time silence and recuperation that does not seem like it is in my future. This does not mean I am cracked, but that life has just been WAY too demanding as of late and I just needed to admit to myself and my family that I need some alone time.

I must add that I am very comforted by other mothers who admit that their job is hard and that they might need a drink of wine at night and that perhaps the kids made them nutty today. When moms look at me cross eyed if I make a remark about being worn out from dragging kids, then I feel discouraged and yucky. Thank you LaRena and Anita especially for making me laugh. I really do not think my personality lends itself to long endurance and staying sugary sweet which is nothing I am proud of but at least I don't feel totally crazed when I hear that other moms struggle with this too.

Of course I am comforted by the Gospel. There is nothing that makes me more worn out then being deprived from hearing it. Thank you dear pastors for faithfully giving the Gospel to me. It does really help. I can feel selfish at church too though as whining two year olds might push the limit but fortunately that does not happen too often.

So there you go. I am hiding from the kiddos right now. They actually have been feeling much the same way as I do and I did recommend that they try to get away from each other and just have quiet.

Cone of Silence

We have been watching too much Get Smart lately and I am very intrigued by the Cone of Silence. I want one of those but I don't think I would let anyone in with me very often. I suppose it would help to have it during lessons with little children who can't seem to screen out the rest of the racket. I can picture myself smiling and buzzing around the house working on whatever needs to be done without hearing all the crying, whining, relentless mommy questions etc going on around me. That would be very nice just for a day. I guess this is what mothers had in the over glorified fifties - public school - their cone of silence.

Picking myself up by the boot straps, I return to my regularly scheduled programing.

Stretching works

Since figuring out I had this plantar fascitis problem I have been dutifully stretching my foot seemingly constantly and......it helped! My foot feels MUCH better this morning. I have always been terrible about stretching where exercise is concerned. Usually when I return from exercising there is someone who needs me and so I just don't do the stretching. I will try to do better. I can not wait for the mower to be up and running . I am obsessed about chiseling the fat off my body. As many of you know this is not an easy task the older you get. It seems to be glued on in some spots. I have nothing more to say on this subject at this time. I really need to go crack the whip so I can squeeze in my bike ride before the Thursday insanity of the afternoon.

Life a little too busy right now

I have run the same load of laundry three times in the last three days. Don't ask me why but something has gone wrong with it each time. I am B.E.H.I.N.D.! Sorry FlyLady. It is just true. I am contemplating putting my MP3 player on and staying up to find some surfaces. Or.....I might just try to get to sleep so I can do a bunch of that tomorrow. I've been reading my brains out, trying to keep up with the kids stuff and now it is a jungle out there. I love warmer weather but the work load for me starts to get out of control. Hopefully the lawn mower parts come in Friday so I can tackle some of it over the weekend. Oh No! Another whining post. I'll try to behave. I do love mowing the lawn as it allows me a little time to have quiet from family noise. It is a different kind of noise but my brain is not interrupted for a basically predictable amount of time and let's face it, Karin without exercise is not a very nice Karin. I should have been a lumber jack or something which requires a lot of physical activity. I'll be getting plenty of that soon so as long as I can catch up on the house, the clothing switcheroo, the ironing, the book reading for next year, and riding herd on the math then life should improve. Just do the next thing Karin......

In case you haven't figured it out

I've been fighting the cranky wankies and while planting potatoes was thinking that dumping me on a deserted island with some nice beaches for a while would be a great idea. Of course it would be nice if the island had pineapple and banana trees too. I am not sure and I am sure why I feel that way but cannot necessarily explain it. Oh well.

Life with eight kids and the ADD husband always keeps me on my toes. I can only explain it that way. Desert Islands sound good when the dishes are piling high, the kids can't seem to catch up on their school work, the dishes break, the house gets cluttered, and so on and boring so on. I am not depressed, just having a Calgon moment. School is also getting very difficult as I become more ADD myself. Also as the weather improves, my jobs increase. We should have fresh lettuce and spinach within the week though so perhaps that will improve my mood. Is this post ADD or what????

Ramble, ramble, ramble.......moral of this tale is perhaps to give this crazed woman some space and perhaps make sure she gets some exercise to improve sanity. Missed my bike ride again today :o( Hoeing helped but biking would have made it better.

Enough whining for one blog post.

You never can tell with bees

We have gone from two hives to four hives and tomorrow will hopefully successfully create a fifth hive when I split the hive at our vege farmer friends property. We could even create a sixth hive here but we shall see how the equipment holds out. I just found it interesting that when I went to one of the hives yesterday I discovered they had swarmed into the honey super above the queen excluder and I very easily had two strong hives with no money put out in queens or packages. I had ordered a package and the people said they would call me when it came in and they never did for which I am glad. All four hives are nice and strong so I also need to call my supply source and get some more frames for honey supers fast. It is of course exciting that there is some prospect of getting more honey this year but will try not to count my honey before it is gathered.

I'm just a little black rain cloud......

Hair cut day

Clearly I need to cut people's hair more often. When I got done with Grizzly Adams I found Charley underneath. Now all he needs is a fresh sleek new dress shirt and tie and......well....never mind. Why don't I keep up on that boy????? I think he was excited he had hair to cut and was avoiding the scissors. I did something a little radical and I was frankly surprised he was still employed with that scraggly mess he had before but the state of his hairdoo clearly does not effect anyone at Bosch. Now to work on him smiling a charming smile more often. He has gained at least five to ten years this afternoon. I wonder if a good hair cut also brings down one's cholesterol level.

The rest of the kids got a hair cut too accept little Stefan who was happier to keep playing and doesn't need a hair cut too badly anyway. Matthew just told me to please behave and not make it as short as last time. They all look pretty spiffy now. Phew. Now what to do with my own mop. I think I would lose five to ten years too with it a little shorter again.

Ingrid is snoring. I must go find a sitter so I can go on a quick bike ride. Perhaps I will get a picture up here soon. I bet he won't be mistaken for Grandpa anytime soon.

This is no time for an energy slump

The last few days I have been dragging and lacking motivation to chase the latest panic. There are plenty of latest panics too. The sun is shining today so I am dreaming of catching up with the laundry, some lawn mowing, and gardening. We will be able to rake up the clippings for mulch the grass is so high. The mowing should burn off many of my fat cells too. I drank some real coffee this morning in hopes that might jump start me a little more effectively but it may just result in my being quicker to bite some one's head off.

Other news of excitement. I ordered two fifty foot row covers for the broccoli, spinach etc. I am very excited about the prospect of fresh spinach salad soon. It is up and doing very well. There is quite a bit of lettuce doing well too. Broccoli without wormies to soak out of it sounds fantastic to me. The asparagus is up and producing and we had our first batch last night. The heat totally jump started the asparagus and we need to cut it every day now. I would like to plant more so we have more to share. We have the land so it seems logical to use the land for good purpose.

LaRena is giving a garden class this morning at church so I need to get my dragging self going so I can go dream of our gardening success this summer :o) Wouldn't it be nice to rename the homestead "Our Farm of Perpetual Produce?" Sigh it is not "Our Farm of Perpetual Productivity" at the moment.

Garage sales

My blog just erased the post.....oh botheration. Yes.....went to some neighborhood garage sales today and I can see where they do become addicting. Both my friend and I did pretty well considering the little amount spent and a few hours to work with. Her one year old, Ingrid and Matthew the van sitter came along. I love it when I find the generous sale where the prices are very low and the stuff is worth looking at. Clearly they wanted to get rid of their stuff. Anyway it was fun and I might consider doing it again.

Charley got some not so good and not very surprising news at work in light of Chrysler declaring bankruptcy. It was not any actual news yet for Bosch but who knows what will happen as much of the auto industry is shutting down for eight weeks. Bosch just sent out a memo stating the facts of how the eight week shut down will effect suppliers which they are one of them. Stay tuned for news on that front.

I wanted to mow the lawn but didn't quite get the mower up and running so I hit the road on the bike again. I have had TOO much fatty stuff in the last few days as I am sucker for something tasty.

That is all the news today.

I need to go to the bathroom

So chirps the six year old THREE times this afternoon during the dreaded run the road with the kids day. How can one little boy need to go to the bathroom that much???? I suppose the big drink he had while we were out didn't help anything. Fifteen passenger vans are nice but they could be bigger so that I could put even more space between me and the children who are having their latest crises. I look back in the van at the bathroom caller and he has a big cherub like look on his face and gives me the big emploring eye look as he pleads for me to find another bathroom. Enough about that.

I REALLY do not like shopping with short people. The two year old loves to buckle himself up in carts and then tell you he's stuck and ask to be unbuckled. So you unbuckle him and he then rebuckles and it starts all over again. Fifteen passenger vans are also the home of all problem solving for siblings. The siblings love to fix their siblings problems in the van. Direction and instruction is what all children need while driving around from place to place. I personally would vote for total silence myself.

I put on some cute CD for the smallest people and the older ones start mocking it, telling me how creepy Raffi is so I promptly ejected it and dropped it in the library drop. They were stunned but the timing was priceless. I just happened to be five blocks from the drop. I used to be able to play anything without any complaints or commentary but mostly cute singing or swaying or whatever. Those days are gone now. My youngest children will be deprived of such cuteness. They WILL know about the retro rock and roll and country that is played most of the time with some questionable lyrics. But Mother Goose???? Nah!

Now I have thrown in the towel, passed the plate and am ordering pizza for dinner. They cheerfully contributed so we could have two pizzas and I am soon off to go retrieve them. Thursdays have been long and painful. One more week to go and I am thankful I will be able to go to the Wednesday classes next year closer to home.

Scheduling and getting stuff done

LaRena and I have decided on days to meet next year which is a good start to the planning ;o) Somehow I would love to keep the schedule so that there are several days of not needing to go anywhere all day. At least I don't want to leave before late afternoon. There seem to be endless appointments to fit in and breaking up the day seems to prevent anything from happening at home. Today I've been home all day and actually got a bunch of stuff done. I am certainly not caught up but am making some progress. I was going to go plant onions right now but it is raining again. I NEED to go biking so will look for a break in the clouds. Bills are paid, signed up for CCA (yay!), and spent school time with Benjamin. Phew. How can learning how to read be SOOO difficult.

I am amused by the Boy Scout Oath where it says the part about being Mentally Awake. Hmmmm.......some are. The poor little boys. My 10yo ds doesn't even know what mentally awake means so I don't think he was offended when I kept giggling at this part.

Off for a cup of yummy decaf with my eldest dd. Yum.

Charley's landmark experience

I just remembered what happened on Friday. Charley and I went shopping in Shipshewana and he was holding Ingrid while I putzed around in a music store. Well I overheard Charley talking to someone in the hallway saying "I knew this would happen someday and you are the first one to say it" Ahem. I immediately knew what had happened. A fifty something man had asked Charley if Ingrid was his granddaughter. ;o) He took it well and when I appeared in the hallway the man jokingly said "So this must be your daughter". :o) Har har. It hasn't happened to me yet but I am sure it wouldn't be too difficult. The gray count is slowly going up. I suppose if there are any other little Horner's in our future it would certainly increase the chances. Just thought you would enjoy Charley's landmark occasion.

My children play the orphan well

at least my little boys do. They are quite talented at getting this funny looking pathetic look on their faces. Stefan will lie in his bed after realizing I mean business and stare straight ahead with his little skinny self orphan look. He has taken up the habit of lying prostrate on the floor with a little sobbing here and there too. I have to try not to laugh.

Benjamin desperately needs me to locate his summer clothes. I told him to go to bed in his skives (spelling?) and he looked at me with the pathetic orphan look of 'oh oh mom, I have nothing on' and being basically pathetic.

That is all that is new and exciting here today. It isn't even new. The days are definitely muddling. Hot and sweaty today with a feeling of not having accomplished enough. Sigh. Thankful dear 16yo old son paid attention to my rant this morning and cleaned the kitchen without being asked......that is an accomplishment for sure.

I need to read the Hobbit fast and furiously as the boys are having too much fun zipping through it. I am looking forward to something not quite so depressing as our previous reads.
Nighty nighty.

Biking and stuff

I am not sure what week I am up to now. Perhaps it is the sixth or seventh week. I finally extended my route when time permits which is a good thing and maybe dropped a few more pounds. With dh's recent spike in cholesterol I am looking for recipes that will help both of us in the same way but different ways. I am also looking into exercise that will strengthen my upper body. I feel like a total wimp.

The garden is slowly progressing. I have most of the onions in and the ones I planted almost a month ago look great. The potatoes should go in soon but the ground was too stinkin wet to get them in. I got some broccoli and and cabbage in too.

School is winding down but I still have a lot of reading to do and am convinced that between Ingrid and the reading, not to mention the laundry and everything else, that blogging has become a challenge.

Had way too much fun giggling last night over certain topics. Laughing sure does a body good.

Need to go rescue Ingrid from herself.

Haven't been blogging lately....reading a lot though

I am not sure why I haven't been blogging although I understand I should be doing less blogging and more snide remarks on other people's blogs. Or is my daughter supposed to do that? I have been having to read a lot for the two classes I teach here at home. Boy have the last few been hum dingers (spelling?). "Cry the Beloved Country" was a great book. I was supposed to read that one in college but the professor kept falling asleep in class and didn't seem to grade our papers so.....I passed on reading it then. It certainly was both depressing and just full of realities of the consequence of sin in people's lives. Oh joy, but actually interesting. I enjoyed the writing style the most even though it was difficult at times to keep track of who was speaking. I most enjoyed talking with the young folks in my class and hearing their perspectives on the books we've read. It is interesting to me to hear their life experience or lack of life experience come through in discussions. I sort of wonder what it has been like for them to read hard truths of the world as we have been slowly working our way through the 20th century in literature. "Cry the Beloved" and the other book we just read "Black Like Me" were the most eye opening to me of the lack of life experience they've had but I suppose it is more sad that I did not find the books as shocking as they did. I was relieved the authors were not too explicit but simply got the point across as to the error of people's ways. Both books cover difficult subject matter but I have no doubt were good for the kids to process.

I think they have left those two books feeling very blessed in their life situations. They have loving parents, are well provided for, and their aspirations for the future seem pretty bright in comparison. The kids reading these are all boys so I also find it refreshing that they are all gentlemen who were properly offended by the offensive and were truly saddened that these sort of things take place in the world. They are looking forward to some lighter reading and the Hobbit is coming up. I will decide tomorrow if we are going to read the next one on the list. It frankly doesn't sound too cheery.......it's NOT 'The Hobbit'.

I don't get flowers, I get bikes

Dh is not what you would call the romantic but rather the practical. The first year we were married he bought me my first new bike. I had never had a bike that was new so I was of course doubly thrilled. We would go biking south of town pretty regularly. We still have that bike but it does need a little work. It has worked well for the boys who are no quite yet giants.

My second bike he got me the year we started biking as a family and even took a bike trip to PA on the rails to trails paths (WAY cool if you can ever do it). In hindsite I think he would have gotten me my newest bike as I do spend more time biking on the open road than in town or on mountain bike paths. It too was a great bike but is now being enjoyed by a friend.

So yesterday he bought me my third bike. It is definitely a road bike and faster than the previous bike. I took it out yesterday with Erik and had a longer spin than usual. I am slowly getting in better shape but watching my son relaxing on his bike while I huff and puff up hills is sort of.....well just sort of......

This bike can also have the Burley hooked to it so perhaps I might be able to get strong enough to take a kid with me. We shall see.

No flowers or chocolate here but hey a bike every so often is pretty nice too. They don't make me fat and I don't have to throw them away after a week or two. :o)

Biking week 4 - in praise of toe clips

A quick update on progress. I can now do my whole route in the highest gear. This is progress. Dh also got me a pair of toe clips for the pedals which solved all my knee troubles. Yay! Thank you Charley. I now walk forward without hurting all the time and it only took one trip with the toe clips to solve the pain issue. Very strange. If biking ever hurt your knees before this was definitely the answer.

I currently have a flat tire so need to fix that little problem. I managed to get two walks in today and took Ingrid with on the one. She had fun pulling my hair and my friend's hair. It was quite fascinating to watch her stroke Cindy's hair and examine it as if she were plotting her next move.....pulling. She looked so delighted and triumphant then. Anyway, the walks were good and it is always nice to be able to talk to someone while walking. I still think that biking shaves off more inches on me at the moment.

Speaking of inches I decided to start measuring the difference instead of focusing on the pounds. I have lost quite a few inches actually so that is a good thing by itself.

Looking forward to biking again tomorrow even if I need to borrow someones bike to get it accomplished.

brrrr...cold but summer's work has begun

Last weekend the boys and their dad put on a new barn roof and today the boys are cleaning out the chicken coop. We got rid of 75 plus laying hens (which weren't laying much of anything) last fall. Well, we did not clean out the coop as there really wasn't an urgent need to. So, now we are back to urgent need as the coop is going to be used to house the pigs till the weather warms up a little. Erik, Martin, and Matthew have been hauling wheel barrow after wheel barrow of the dry dusty stuff out for most of the day. Fortunately it is lighter as it is a dry and fine dust now. I pictured this job taking all weekend but I think they will be able to knock it out today. I suppose they have only been at it for three to four hours now so it hasn't been all day but my hats off to them for doing this with little complaint. I need to go make them a nice big farmer boy type of meal and plan to do something fun with them this evening.

With the pigs coming we begin the daily feeding and watering routine. It is earlier this year than last but the fair is also earlier so we will be done earlier. We are not getting new laying hens as I really would like to be done feeding, watering, collecting and washing eggs. There are SO many other irons in the fire that we decided it wasn't worth it right now.

Our meat birds come next month and a package of bees comes in a matter of days. I need to go out and prepare for that this weekend as well.....summer is here. :o)

Never ending noise

At the moment it is SILENT. I think I hear a few crickets (?really?) and maybe dd just walked by downstairs. The kids made NEVER ENDING NOISE today. Every time I began to say something someone else was talking or whining or making little two year old and seven month old noise. It did not stop all day. My dad comments on this while he is here visiting and I have to laugh as what does he expect from a family of ten??? I have heard that my kids are perhaps calmer than most but....truth be told they are very capable of being loud. I SOOO love the quiet of the evening and morning and need to laugh at myself as far as what am I expecting from a family of ten? Perhaps that is why I love biking and walking with friends so much . It is so not interrupted and nice and enjoyable. Laugh more Karin.

Biking week 3

Tackling the hills has become MUCH easier and reminds me of my cross country days of the thrill of the challenge and being able to push myself to GET UP THE HILL FASTER!!!! Go Karin go! It was very tempting to go a little further this past week but I think I am still going to wait till next week. My thighs do still talk to me as I start each day and say "No Karin, please don't do this. Please just stay like a slug at home and read another book and feel tired." I am not listening so far. My knees are struggling a little still. They feel most bizarre when I am trying to walk fast as they did yesterday while walking with Sandy. It is a sensation of not being to put effort into moving forward quickly. They don't want to move like that without a little pain. Must work on that Comasabi (spelling?). I won't be able to chase my lawn mower if this keeps up.

I did go walking with Sandy yesterday and boy does that exercise other areas of the body. Ouch. It was a sad attempt at race walking and the knees not cooperating kept me back a little. I did not go biking as a result but will hit the road this morning.

I have not lost a whole lot of weight so far but there is a little progress. I decided to keep track of how far around I am as muscle does weigh more than fat so I suppose it will take awhile before I see a lot of difference. Sigh. I need to be happy with the progress I've made and be patient.

Onward!!!