Pride

I am musing on my own pride that perhaps can be wounded. I used to be VERY involved at church in a hands on sort of way. I was very involved in other areas as well. Now I am VERY happily not involved in the same way and I guess I would say I would rather not be any time soon. Here are my reasons. I used to think that I had all the answers and could just make things happen. I knew what materials I liked and knew what I wanted for my kids and family so I basically forced the issue. I was a woman with all the answers. Then......while expecting my seventh child I realized that all the right answers for another organization was not God's plan for my brain. The more that I read about the call of a pastor to his congregation the more I realized I was trying to usurp the pastor and his call. (This is a bold step to put this on my blog). My brain was needed at home in helping my dear children on their own paths of life. I also have realized that some of the smartest women I know are at home moms, multi-tasking the many needs of their kids. How could I effectively multi-task at home and try to solve the problems of the church and still do a good job at both. I couldn't. That is what my boundary became. I had to put up a fence to saying yes to anything. Yes, we switched churches as well but that was a whole different story. Whether we stayed or left our previous church I was going to have to step down.....again. I stepped down from teaching years ago for the same reasons and then when Benjamin was getting older and there were no new babies to attend to I was tempted into thinking I could say yes to an outside job or imagine that by stepping forward I could reduce other people's stress etc. What?????? My pride sure had a foot in that thinking. Will I remember this as life treads on and I am still called to care for my family? I pray so.

The smartest women I know: What I mean by that is that the ammount of organization and fore-thought and trouble shooting, money management, house management, planning, juggling of kids talents, academics, jobs, responsibilities is obviously HUGE! If anyone naively assumes that a stay-at-home mom is not utilizing their brain then they have NEVER TAKEN CARE OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING BEFORE! Taking care of people is a mental gymnastic exercise. When we care for only ourselves we get selfish, lazy, indulgent etc. My little weekends alone (yes, I did have still have to use my brain) enlightened me to how relaxed life could be but would I trade my hyper husband and many kids for that boring life?????? No! "Retirement" scares me but I assume Charley and I will remain busy as at that point our youngest will be 'leaving the house' age when we are 60. Hopefully we won't be totally burned out from raising them that we will roll our eyes at taking on responsibility at church etc. What does a mom who has taken care of people all her life do with herself when there are far fewer to take care of. I suppose I will figure that out.

These are my current musings as I sort the too small for Stefan clothes from the soon to grow into clothes.....